Prince Loeffler
8th June 2003, 00:26
Reasons No Songs Are Written About Lawyers
- Because Jackson Browne's copyright agents are
well compensated.
- It was part of the deal when Ringo sold his soul to the
Devil.
- With all the caveats and CYAs, you'd never get past the first
verse.
- The pumping bass and gangsta-style lyrics don't fit with a
song about the Supreme Court.
- FCC decency rules would prohibit most of the words in the
songs from ever being played on the radio.
- Any time you hum it in your car, someone zooms by, tossing a
cease-and-desist order through the window.
- Have *you* ever seen birds suddenly appear when lawyers are
near? I mean, *other* than vultures.
- "My wife done got a divorce lawyer" is too depressing even
for country-western artists.
- The only thing that rhymes with "habeas corpus" is "baby ass
porpoise," and who wants to listen to THAT?
-Ever since that acoustic version of "Layla," the music industry's
been afraid to try new things. Eric Clapton ruined it for all of
us.
-*Really* tough to make rhymes in Latin.
-It's hard to find something that rhymes with "souless,
bloodsucking scumbag."
-Difficult finding a good rhyme for "shyster."
-Frank Zappa's dead, eliminating the one songwriter
imaginative or crazy enough to be able to write about lawyers.
-"My Restraining Order" just doesn't go well to the "My Sharona"
beat.
-It's hard to come up with a rap rhyme more clever than "If it
doesn't fit, you must acquit."
-While Latin is a good language for opera, your song about the
law clerk who's only getting $20,000 for the summer and has to
perform a pro bono case just isn't going to go over in Peoria.
-Hard to write love songs about a group of people who can't wait
for you to divorce your spouse.
-How romantic can a lyric be with "tort" in it?
- Because Jackson Browne's copyright agents are
well compensated.
- It was part of the deal when Ringo sold his soul to the
Devil.
- With all the caveats and CYAs, you'd never get past the first
verse.
- The pumping bass and gangsta-style lyrics don't fit with a
song about the Supreme Court.
- FCC decency rules would prohibit most of the words in the
songs from ever being played on the radio.
- Any time you hum it in your car, someone zooms by, tossing a
cease-and-desist order through the window.
- Have *you* ever seen birds suddenly appear when lawyers are
near? I mean, *other* than vultures.
- "My wife done got a divorce lawyer" is too depressing even
for country-western artists.
- The only thing that rhymes with "habeas corpus" is "baby ass
porpoise," and who wants to listen to THAT?
-Ever since that acoustic version of "Layla," the music industry's
been afraid to try new things. Eric Clapton ruined it for all of
us.
-*Really* tough to make rhymes in Latin.
-It's hard to find something that rhymes with "souless,
bloodsucking scumbag."
-Difficult finding a good rhyme for "shyster."
-Frank Zappa's dead, eliminating the one songwriter
imaginative or crazy enough to be able to write about lawyers.
-"My Restraining Order" just doesn't go well to the "My Sharona"
beat.
-It's hard to come up with a rap rhyme more clever than "If it
doesn't fit, you must acquit."
-While Latin is a good language for opera, your song about the
law clerk who's only getting $20,000 for the summer and has to
perform a pro bono case just isn't going to go over in Peoria.
-Hard to write love songs about a group of people who can't wait
for you to divorce your spouse.
-How romantic can a lyric be with "tort" in it?