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Prince Loeffler
16th June 2003, 07:56
Let's face it - English is a crazy language.

There is no egg in an eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. And if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

You park in the driveway but you drive on the parkway. You ship by truck and send cargo by ship. How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your
house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on. When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

And finally, how about when you want to shut down your computer you
have to hit "START!!



More Confusion !..................

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to
present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

stoker
16th June 2003, 13:45
I remember watching an engineer from Japan suffer through a presentation at Xerox by a project manager who kept using 'Do-able' as a noun, verb, adjective, and adverb! (He was paradigm shitfting without using the clutch :eek: )

After the presentation, I asked the engineer what he thought and he asked me what 'do-able' really meant. I treid to explain but he was more interested in how the verb 'do' was being conjugated.

I explained the verb had just suffered from a congugal visit. It took longer to explain that.

Shitoryu Dude
16th June 2003, 15:20
My company has a rather large percentage of people who speak English as a second language - it can be very amusing/confusing/exasperating to have a simple conversation.

:beer:

Sochin
16th June 2003, 15:30
The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).

In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly,
sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter. There will be growing public enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expected to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German
like zey vunted in ze forst plase!

:D

Shitoryu Dude
16th June 2003, 18:36
I get books from the UK every now and then, and trust me, there are enough differences between the King's English and American English to make you want to find a nice brick wall to pound your head against. The spelling changes are the easiest to live with.

:beer:

rache
13th November 2003, 14:59
What makes it even more confusing is that most Americans can't speak english correctly. Much less spell or use commas right...

Sochin
13th November 2003, 15:06
Oh, go ghoti.

larsen_huw
13th November 2003, 15:14
Originally posted by rache
What makes it even more confusing is that most Americans can't speak english correctly. Much less spell or use commas right...

or read the forum rules stating they must sign all posts with their full name. ;)

kage110
13th November 2003, 15:42
The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.....<snip>

Ted that is hilarious! :D :D :D You should really post a warning before you put something like that on display. My work colleagues are all wondering what the giggles are about!:toast:

rache
13th November 2003, 16:12
Ok the name thing should be fixed. I thought I had already put it on... I suppose I was right about us Americans.

John McCollum
13th November 2003, 21:23
Originally posted by Sochin
Oh, go ghoti.

What do fish have to do with anything, Ted?!

Every so often, I read something written in the Scots dialect. Not Gaelic, Scots. Even I don't understand it.

Maybe Hugh could translate, virtually coming from the highlands?


:p

Karyu
10th December 2003, 08:29
Originally posted by rache
What makes it even more confusing is that most Americans can't speak english correctly.


You were saying?

william northcote
10th December 2003, 12:04
Ozzy does not speak English, he speaks drugged up Brummie.

monkeyboy_ssj
10th December 2003, 13:44
Sharron! Shar...*splat*

I can hear the statement now "I was going fine until I skidded on a dog sh*t..."

Lets hope he gets better anyway...

william northcote
10th December 2003, 13:45
Yeah Ozzy out of action is like a hole with no hermit in on a vow of silence.

monkeyboy_ssj
10th December 2003, 13:50
Whats with the Monthy quotes lately?

Oh what I would give for a spit in the face! That's favoritisum for ya...

william northcote
10th December 2003, 13:52
Paramount comedy late night. Showing all of the Python shows.

Dinsdale...

Steven Malanosk
11th December 2003, 10:03
I heard on the Howard Stern Show this morning that Ozzy was in an accident and was actually on a ventalater.

Is this so???????????

Is it as serious as it sounds????

william northcote
11th December 2003, 10:36
No. According to SKY news and Fox news he only cracked a few bones, but was able to get up and call for assistance on a cellular phone.

He has a tube in his mouth but is awake and as normal as ever.

http://www.sky.com/skynews/article/0,,30500-12946998,00.html

Mekugi
11th December 2003, 10:57
HEH!

Other side of the coin is a pain fer real...I suppose the people here at my work feel the same way about me. Some people, I notice, I can communicate with because we are on the same "wavelength." Others, well, I can pronounce every vowel, have perfect grammer and speak clearly to them in dictionary fed Japanese and I still get the "huh"?

-Russ


Originally posted by Shitoryu Dude
My company has a rather large percentage of people who speak English as a second language - it can be very amusing/confusing/exasperating to have a simple conversation.

:beer:

posiview
12th December 2003, 00:03
English may be confusing to some, especially Americans , but I do recall a somewhat confused American VP = Dan Quayle. He of the infamous potatoe!

I also found many other quotes attributed to this complete (American) idiot.............

I'm an American idiot. (http://nst4.physics.yale.edu/dq.html)

Karyu
12th December 2003, 05:48
Those quotes were exposed a long time ago as fabrications.