View Full Version : You might be a redneck if......

Óscar Recio
1st July 2003, 20:16
You might be a redneck if.....:D :D :D
*You don´t think that baseball players spit and scracth too much
*You´ve ever lost a tooth opening a bottle.
*Jack Daniels makes your list of most admired people.
*You have a tatto that says "mother" and it´s spelled wrong.
*You didn´tput the pink plastic flamingoes in your front yard as a joke.
*You family tree does not work
*You´ve got a toothpick in your mouth when your wedding pictures were taken.
*Thanksgiving dinner was ruined ´cos you ran out of ketchup :eek:
Any contributions??????? :beer: :beer:

Gene Williams
1st July 2003, 20:19
....if your porch has ever collapsed and killed more than 3 dogs.

Óscar Recio
1st July 2003, 20:21
...if you ever had sex on a satellite dish :eek: :eek:

1st July 2003, 20:26
...if when whenever you see a sign that says 'Just say no to crack' it reminds you to pull your pants up.

Phil Farmer
1st July 2003, 20:45
If you divorce you wife and she's still your sister.
If in the family portrait, there is less than one set of teeth between the entire group.
If you are too drunk to fish.
If there are no forks in you family tree.
If you help your richest relative take the wheels off of their new house.
If the movie Deliverance is a documentary of your neighborhood.

(BTW I live this every day here in East Texas!)

Phil Farmer

Óscar Recio
1st July 2003, 21:48
You might be a redneck if...
*Your new huntin' dog, and your son, were both conceived on your wedding night.
*You carry pictures of your hunting dog, but not your family, in your wallet.
*You've commited to memory every nuance of that scene from Crocodile Dundee where he pulls out his knife and says "That's not a knife..."
*You consider that crocodile hunter guy a sissy
*You've seen Deliverance more than ten times and root for the hillbillys
*You've got Smokey and the Bandit on DVD, and don't own a DVD player.
*Your truck window has a big #3 in it
*You've got more money into the engine in your 73 Dodge Charger than you do in your house.
*You're willing to drive more than 500 miles, without a ticket in hand, to attend a NASCAR race.
*When you measure your kids height on the wall you mark them with "First Knife", "First gun", "Killed first deer" instead of their ages or dates.

Boy oh boy!!!! :eek:

1st July 2003, 21:59
....If you go to the Superbowl with a ticket on the fifty yard line and you stay in the parking lot going to tailgate parties for the entire pre-game and entire game, and are the last to leave the next day, but your headlights don't work.


Gene Williams
1st July 2003, 22:01
Mark, Did this happen to you:D Sounds like a real personal experience...Gene

Gene Williams
1st July 2003, 22:03
...if you carry your dog and your wallet on a chain

Shitoryu Dude
1st July 2003, 22:03
Your eariest clear memory is of shooting a dixie cup with your dad's pistol while he gives you tips on shooting.


Gene Williams
1st July 2003, 22:08
If, at your high school prom, you ended up with a girl in a prom dress on your back pulling your hair and screaming to her boyfriend, "Kill him Wade, kill him!":D

Shitoryu Dude
1st July 2003, 22:17
Now, that one deserves its own thread.


Jock Armstrong
1st July 2003, 23:34
Hell, I be one!!!!!!!!!

Hillbilly in two countries.:beer: :toast:

wendy ongaro
1st July 2003, 23:41
...you pick up all your weekend's supplies at Absoraka Liquor and Sport (read guns).

...your belt buckle summons search parties called in by passing planes, who mistaken the shine for an emergency signal.

...your living room, bedroom set, and entire wardrobe are done in 'realtree cammo'.

...you make every household repair with duct tape and baling twine.

...over every doorway in your home hangs an antler rack, and in every corner you have a spittoon for your chew plug.

...your wife has to pay attention to the clearance signs on overpasses when she rides behind you on your Harley...or else her hairdo gets flattened.

...your favorite colors are hunter orange and John Deere green

...you have more cars parked in your backyard than the local used car dealership has on their lot- most of which don't work.

...you have never experienced the great outdoors without the background (or foreground) whine of some motorized vehicle...snowmobile, ATV, bass boat with outboard motor...etc.

1st July 2003, 23:50
If you are too drunk to fish.

Hey! I resemble that remark.:)


wendy ongaro
2nd July 2003, 00:03

wendy ongaro
2nd July 2003, 00:06
hmmm. the onion was thinking along the same lines this week...

Jock Armstrong
2nd July 2003, 01:11
Twenty five wrist slashin' country favourites............


Wendy, you are my Goddess

2nd July 2003, 07:26
You might be a redneck if...

you walk around with a lumberjack top and chewing on a leg of raw meat.


wendy ongaro
2nd July 2003, 22:49

wendy ongaro
2nd July 2003, 22:58

wendy ongaro
2nd July 2003, 23:05

Shitoryu Dude
3rd July 2003, 05:39
Liberace is spinning in his grave.....

That is some damn ugly sh*t you found there. Do you know anybody who has actually bought any?


3rd July 2003, 07:28
OMG wendy...

That looks like the inside of a nuclear buncker...


Óscar Recio
3rd July 2003, 10:39
JEEEEEEEEEEEEEESUS CHRIST!!!!!!!!!! :eek::eek::eek:
Óscar :nw::nw:

wendy ongaro
3rd July 2003, 12:44
whip out your credit cards, boys. It's all at Cabela's!;)

joe yang
3rd July 2003, 13:24
Do you have a tv that works, sitting on top of a tv that doesn't work? Do you have any major appliances on your porch? Do you collect "parts" cars? Is there a local slang for red neck? If you need meat off season, do you hit deer with you truck? Would you describe the color of your car as, primer, bondo, or flat black? Are your tires and lift kit worth more than your truck? Do you drive his and her vehicles so you can swap parts? How fast can you drop an engine? Have you ever stolen an ATV? Can you name the cheapest local beer? Can you name the strongest local beer? Can you name the strongest, cheapest local beer? What are Hornady, Nosler and Speer?

3rd July 2003, 14:05
How fast can you drop an engine? What are Hornady, Nosler and Speer?

Hey, now! I resemble that remark! :D

G. Zepeda
3rd July 2003, 15:25
Do people constantly come up to your house and ask you if you are having a Yard Sale?
Does one or more of your hunting dogs have any missing limbs due to those wasciwee Snipe?
Do you have a cat farm for your dogfights?
Are you out the door at 8:30 a.m. July 3rd to catch the special on Meister Brau kegs at the local Beverage House?
(Hell ya!)

3rd July 2003, 17:58
You've got 3 teeth, and 2 are in your back pocket.

3rd July 2003, 19:05
If there are more dogs under your porch than teeth in your head.


I like this one because of the considerable variation it allows.

Gene Williams
3rd July 2003, 21:48
what has 100 legs and 12 teeth? The front row at a Willie Nelson concert:D

Óscar Recio
3rd July 2003, 22:18
You are the best!!!!!
I´m learning a lot!!!!! Jeeeeeeeeezzzz!!!!!
Thank you!!!!!!!!
Óscar :nw::nw::nw:
PS:*if you ever cut your toenails in fornt of company
*all of your four letter words are two syllables
*your ever stolen a bulldozer :eek: (is there anyone who actually done it?)

joe yang
3rd July 2003, 22:58
A redneck invented the toothbrush. Anyone else would have called it a teethbrush. :D

wendy ongaro
3rd July 2003, 23:36
Want a taste of my professional life? Here we go, substance abuse, probably bipolar disorder (true split personalities are incredibly rare). And very, very redneck.

Elvis is the Devil (http://www.punchbaby.com/media/gitfakt/clips/TV/elvis.wmv)

joe yang
3rd July 2003, 23:47
Wendy, my speakers walked off, darn kids. I couldn't hear the dialogue, but the visual portion struck a chord, a documentary I saw a few years back called "The Outlaw Tapdancer". The guy was talking about huffing gas at the end, wasn't he?

wendy ongaro
4th July 2003, 00:04
and lighter fluid.

I once had to care for this woman- who was about 50 going on 70 and had drunk herself into a leather handbag- who swore up and down that she had not been huffing that gold paint in that there paper bag in her right hand- until we got a mirror and pointed out the gold ring around her lips to her. :D

5th July 2003, 17:27
You might be a redneck if:

Your mom comes out of the bathroom and hollers:

Y'all wanna see this before I flush it!

Prince Loeffler
6th July 2003, 23:22
The governors of Alabama, Georgia & Mississippi
would like to announce that they have made a
disturbing discovery in their states.

Apparently, a small number of moslems have
become romantically involved with the locals.

The result was not pretty, and we now have the sad
task of reporting a new sector of the human race:

So far, only a smattering of actual births has
been reported, and we are hard at work trying
to isolate and seal them off.

To date, we have identified the following:

Mohammed Billy Bob Abba Bubba
Mohammed Jethro Bin Thinkin Bout It
Mohammed Forrest Gumpa Bubba
Mohammed Rubba Dub Dubba Bubba
Bobbie Joe Bubba Charlene Atat
Betty Jean Hasbeena Badgurl
Cleavie Daba Hava Tampa
Linda Sue Bin There Dunthat

Not surprisingly, they all seem to have
sprung from one couple:
Mohammed Whoozyadaddy and Yomamma Bin Lovin.

Óscar Recio
7th July 2003, 13:44
Cough, cough, cough :eek:
Guys, you are trying to kill me....

8th July 2003, 11:06
you might be a redneck if... your family business is a junkyard and you live in the center of it... I'm half redneck myself, so I do have more in my muscle car than in my house! (But I live in an apartment and I've only been here for a short time) :D