Karate Jokes and Pics

[Prince Loeffler]

Karate Dog

There was a young couple who lived in a town filled with crime. After three of their neighbors' houses had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog.

So the young wife went to the pet store and said, I need a good guard dog. The clerk replied, Sorry, we're all sold out. All we have left is this little Scottie dog. But, he does know karate.

The wife didn't believe the clerk, so he said to the dog, Karate that chair. The dog went up to the chair and broke it into pieces. Then he said to the dog, Karate that table. The dog went up to the table and broke it in half.

So the wife bought the dog and took it home to her husband who was expecting a big guard dog. The husband was of course disappointed and somewhat skeptical about the Scottie dog's abilities as a guard dog.

When she told her husband that the dog knew karate, he said, Karate my ass!

And to this very day, he is in the hospital.

[Prince Loeffler]

Back in the time of the Samurai there was a powerful emperor who needed a new head Samurai so he sent out a declaration throughout the country that he was searching for one. A year passed and only 3 people showed up.

The emperor asked the first Samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head Samurai.

The first Samurai opened a match box and out pops a little fly. Whoosh goes his sword and the fly drops dead on the ground in 2 pieces.

The emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive!"

The emperor then asked the second Samurai to come in and demonstrate. The second Samurai also opened a match box and out pops a fly. Whoosh whoosh goes his sword. The fly drops dead on the ground in 4 pieces.

The emperor exclaimed, "That is really very impressive!"

The emperor then had the third Samurai demonstrate why he should be the head Samurai. The third Samurai also opened a match box and out pops a fly. His flashing sword goes whoooooooossshhh whoooooooossshhh whoooooooossshhh whoooooooossshhh whoooooooossshhh. A gust of wind fills the room, but the fly is still alive and buzzing around.

The emperor, obviously disappointed, asks, "After all of that, why is the fly not dead?" The third Samurai smiled, "If you look closely, you'll see that the fly has been circumcised!

[chizikunbo]

these are very funny got any more???

[Prince Loeffler]

Here's another as per your request:D

[Prince Loeffler]

Learning Karate thru video games:D

[Prince Loeffler]

Anybody can do kurahte !:D

[chizikunbo]

Thats funny where do you get them?

[Prince Loeffler]

chizikunbo,

I found these surfing the net. I sually save the ones I deemed hilarious..

[Prince Loeffler]

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[Prince Loeffler]

Can you find the concealed weapon ?

[Prince Loeffler]

Ashi-waza can be very useful in disposing of dropped food.

[Prince Loeffler]

Speed or Power...You decide:D

[Prince Loeffler]

To avoid copycats and to increase quality, kung fu's black sash grading requires candidate to do kata upside down.

[chizikunbo]

tahats funny I especially liked the "early acupuncture"
and the "stick fighters dream bike":D

[IZA]

Thats very funny hehehe , cant stop laughing in front of the monitor...everybody in the internet cafe looking at me.

[Prince Loeffler]

Home Schooled expert !

[Prince Loeffler]

Your very first sparring partner !

[Prince Loeffler]

Your first sparring partner !

[IZA]

ooopppsss! i think am goin to quit , am learning self defense so that i wont be beaten up ,but i think i spoke too soon.

[Prince Loeffler]

Typical Day at the Dojo with Master Doctor Supreme Soke 34th Generation Grandmaster Carrey.


http://www.jkd-kbh.dk/video/karate.wmv

[Prince Loeffler]

Humorous TKD clip
http://http.dvlabs.com/adcritic/a/d...tae-kwan-do.mov


Not Karate but close enough !:D

[Prince Loeffler]

Paul was not the brightest guy around. Every day, when he walked home from work, he would get stopped by three nasty men and they would beat him up and steal his money.

Finally, Paul decided that it would serve his best interest to walk a
different route, but also take some self-defense classes so this wouldn't happen again. He joined a karate class and soon was doing very well with it.

So, one day, on the way home from work, Paul confidently decided to take his old route home and, sure enough, there they were. He walked up to them and the battle ensued.

The next afternoon, Paul went to his karate class with a black eye, a
broken nose and a busted lip.

His instructor was shocked and asked for an explanation.

"Well," explained Paul, "I took my old way home last night so I could beat those guys up who used to steal my money."

His instructor said, "What happened?"

Paul replied, "They jumped me before I could get my socks and shoes off!"

[pgsmith]

:D

[Kaoru]

I hadn't noticed this thread before. I nearly laughed myself silly over some of these! This is a good thread!

[Prince Loeffler]

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[Prince Loeffler]

BABY'S FIRST DOGI...

[Prince Loeffler]

ayyyyyyyyyykiiiiiiiaaaaa !

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[Prince Loeffler]

fOCUS...fOCUS..fOCUS..HMMM

[Prince Loeffler]

Friends don't let friends ...ah the heck with it..

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Judo Kats

[Kaoru]

The Judo cats are so cute!!

[Prince Loeffler]

Why you should study karate.....

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[Kaoru]

That last one was really good! There ought to be one called Hakama kata! Sheesh, it took me forever to learn to tie my hakama properly...

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Now you see me....Now you don't

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[chizikunbo]

HEHEHe:laugh:

[Prince Loeffler]

Karate Kat Strikes fear into Chichuachuas minds.

[Prince Loeffler]

KIAI OF THE WILD ! THE MOVIE !:D

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The first ultimate Fighting Championship to determine who is the best. Dog vs Cat No holds Barred Fight !

[Starkjudo]

Prince, you are a shining point of light on e-budo. Thanks for all the posts!

[Prince Loeffler]

Originally posted by Starkjudo
Prince, you are a shining point of light on e-budo. Thanks for all the posts!

Thanks Rob ! Stay tune as there are more fuuny pics on its way..:D

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[Enamer]

Originally posted by Prince Loeffler
Karate Dog

There was a young couple who lived in a town filled with crime. After three of their neighbors' houses had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog.

So the young wife went to the pet store and said, I need a good guard dog. The clerk replied, Sorry, we're all sold out. All we have left is this little Scottie dog. But, he does know karate.

The wife didn't believe the clerk, so he said to the dog, Karate that chair. The dog went up to the chair and broke it into pieces. Then he said to the dog, Karate that table. The dog went up to the table and broke it in half.

So the wife bought the dog and took it home to her husband who was expecting a big guard dog. The husband was of course disappointed and somewhat skeptical about the Scottie dog's abilities as a guard dog.

When she told her husband that the dog knew karate, he said, Karate my !!!!

And to this very day, he is in the hospital.

i found this dog this pic was taken when he was learning the "karate my !!!" kata

http://www.youngexplorers.net/Dogs/karate.jpg

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[Kaoru]

Originally posted by Prince Loeffler
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I love the Samurai Kitty!! Kawaii!!!

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Funakoshi Sensei visit to america inspired him to create the Naihanchi Kata

[Prince Loeffler]

There were two old buddies who continued to compete in karate tournaments well past their prime. One day, while relaxing after yet another competition, they were chatting and wondering if there is karate in heaven and made a pact that whoever passed away first would come back and let the other know.

About a week later one of the old Karateka passed away. About a month after that the surviving old Karateka was at yet another competition when all of a sudden he saw an apparition. Sure enough it was his old buddy who had come back to see him.

"Well, please tell me," asked the surviving Karateka. "Are there karate competitions in heaven?"

"I have good news and bad news for you," replied the apparition to his old karate buddy.

"The good news is that, yes, there are karate competitions in heaven.The bad news is that your first match is against Gichin Funakoshi the day after tomorrow."

[Brian Owens]

Originally posted by Prince Loeffler
Funakoshi Sensei visit to america inspired him to create the Naihanchi Kata
Umm. Aren't those African meerkats? Funny picture either way.

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More Karate Chimp Here:
http://www.sambarcroft.com/pages/karate/karate.htm

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[Prince Loeffler]

When We were young ....

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Remember the good ole days..

[aiki_uke]

you know you've been in the marsial arts too long when...

* you say to the salesman in the men's store, "Nice pants, but I don't think
I can kick in them."

* when you want to say "I'm sorry" and involuntarily bow.

* you go to the shoe store to try on shoes.

* Instead of walking or jogging around the store, you practice pivoting,
sweeps, stances and kicks.

* You check to see if the shoe has a sufficiently hard striking surface and
whether it protects the toes well

* and lastly, you don't even care if (and they probably are) the other
patrons are looking at you funny. (That's the big clue)

* Now when every time you pass a wall you start to wonder:'Is that
structural or drywall?' THEN you know you've gone overboard.

* When you hit your head on a low doorway or ceiling and kick it in anger
and _damage_ it.

* "GAK! NO! The *left* side of the bathrobe goes on top...."

* "What was I doing in my office when I was spinning around and flailing my
arms and legs? Ahhhhhmmmmmmm....."

* when you're practicing your arm blocks while driving down the highway,
notice someone in another car staring at you, and suddenly turn your block
into vigorously fanning away an imaginary fly

* when you use various strikes to turn lights off and on;

* don your clothing with kicks, thrusts, and punches

* open and close doors with spinning kicks

* find yourself idly doing iaido and kenjitsu moves with the plastic knives
at the fast food place

* can't walk by anybody else from your school without casually exchanging a
flurry of mock strikes and kicks

* haven't gotten over the phase of seeing everybody walking around with a
blanket of little red cross-hairs on all their vital spots

* leap to your feet and shriek with indignation while watching "Kung Fu",
"Walker, Texas Ranger", and "Highlander" at home

* deliberately go to see martial arts movies in the theater so you can leap
to your feet and shriek with indignation during the movie, out in the
parking lot, and with all your friends the next time you're at class

* find yourself practicing bo staff techniques in miniature with your pencil
during dull meetings

* try to backfist the correct floor button on the inside of the elevator,
based on your memory of the button's location, before you get in far enough
to see it

* notice you never stand with your arms crossed or your hands in your
pockets

* tend to keep at least one flavour of martial arts weapon close at hand by
your bed when you sleep

* buy shoes either because they're particularly flexible or have steel toes

* have at least one fantasy where you are a martial arts hero and end the
fight by saying something *so* cool that you make Arnold Shwarzenegger and
Clint Eastwood look like nervous chatterboxes

* have begun to master the reflex to commit a very messy homicide when,
directly after someone finds out you practice martial arts, they immediately
ask "Are you a Black Belt ???"

* Urge to bow every time I enter or leave a room? Uh, not anymore,
thankfully.

* I used to accidentally call one of my favorite professors 'sensei' with
fair regularity, and I don't think I'll ever stop saying 'hai!' instead of
'yes!'.

* When standing in line you find yourself practicing some stance from your
art

* When you bow going into and out of the bathroom

* When you don't use any tools while splitting firewood.

* When you are introduced to someone and you bow to greet them.

* Whenever you see some wood or concrete, even things like stools or
tables, and get excited while you picture just how you would go about
breaking it. Then you get funny looks as you feel it and give it a look of
hard concentration, then maybe measure off a few times.

[Sochin]

I was in la-la land when I got to work one morning at a high school class room.

I came to halfway thru a bow as I entered the room.

Opps.

[Budoka 34]

D) All of the above

I hate when I'm talking to someone I hardly know and find my self saying Hai or Osu!:rolleyes:

The worst case of this was at a flea market, I was purchasing some items from a lovely older Japanese woman and answered a question with and excited "Hai", and she excitedly began speaking to me in rapid fire Japanese. :look:

All I could say was Iie Iie, Gomen nasai! which is the extent of my Japanese. :o

It's funny her daughters and her always chatter and laugh when they see me at the flea market.:rolleyes:


:smilejapa

[Brian Owens]

Originally posted by Prince Loeffler
Remember the good ole days..
I would love to find a copy of the "Hai Karate Training Camp" TV commercial. It was like a parody of the ninja training scene from James Bond's You Only Live Twice.

Talk about funny!

[aiki_uke]

http://www.nakamadojo.org/images/2003-1.jpg
looks like they'er having fun!

[chizikunbo]

yes i beleive they are:p

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. HALLLELUJA !

[Leshiye]

Oh SnaP! It's the Lord of the Dance...:p

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[BudoGrrl]

LOL I wonder if Dale Seago has seen that pic?

Alex Schellinger

[Brian Owens]

Originally posted by BudoGrrl
LOL I wonder if Dale Seago has seen that pic?
If not, he will soon.

I couldn't resist re-posting it in the Frank Dux thread, knowing that he goes there frequently. ;)

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[Ninjutsu86]

Our own version of the 'priceless' commercials.

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[BudoGrrl]

There are some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's Budo-Card. :D

Alex Schellinger

[Ninjutsu86]

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: funny, Alex... real funny...

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[Prince Loeffler]

You Know You're a Martial Arts Chick When:

The sad thing is, these are all taken from real experiences...
Underneath your business suit, you have on a sports bra that will match your gi. For later tonight.

You'll throw that "Dry Clean Only" suit on the floor, but your belt is *always* properly hung up.

You mean it as a compliment when you tell others "You hit like a girl."

You enjoy the shocked look on people's faces when you tell them "*I'm* the instructor."

You buy skirts you can kick in.

You've ever ruined a skirt by kicking in it.

Your wedding ring is flattened from one too many elbow sandwiches.

You have to wear opaque hosiery, to hide the bruises on your shins. But you should see the other person...

You have a female groin protector.

You own a pink martial arts shirt, or one with Tweety, Betty Boop or some other cute cartoon character on it.

You're on a first name basis with the employees at the local martial arts store.

Your students don't recognize you in street clothes.

At home, you walk around in a sports bra and your gi pants.

You've thought of ways to use your long hair as a weapon.

You've cut off your long hair after accidentally tying it into your belt once too often.

You threw out all of your high heels, because you can't kick in them.

You think a 5 year old in a gi and sparring gear is just too cute for words.

The words "Invincible Sword Goddess" run through your head occasionally.

You would have chased him down for that jade comb, too.

You have any idea what I'm talking about with these last two lines.

You're learning a traditional woman's weapon. Because it's cooler than the guy's weapons.

You've ever dealt with a sexist jerk by thinking "I could take him..."

Your husband bought you a boxed set of Bruce Lee movies for your birthday, and you were *happy* about it.

You've ever redirected a student's (innocent) punch from your breast to your solar plexus.

You've ever redirected a student's not-so-innocent punch from your breast to your solar plexus.

You've ever "accidentally" hit the not-so-innocent student in the groin with a ridge hand.

You've stopped wearing make up because it sweats off after the first mile anyway.

You're considered "One of the guys."

Every once in a while, you remind the guys you're not really one of them by being more evil than they are.

You've entertained yourself in a boring meeting by thinking of ways to use your ballpoint to kill that idiot who's dronging on and on...

You've ever said "Karate for defense only!". In a really bad Asian accent.

You call your son or daughter (or any other kid) "Grasshopper." In a really bad Asian accent.

You conciously think of your purse as a weapon.

You have just as many photos of your black belt test as your wedding.

You've accidentally left scratch marks on a fellow student.

You've ever cut your long nails so you can do fingertip push ups.

While washing dishes, you've ever thought about taking a few out back and practicing your speed breaks.

You practice punches and high kicks on the little pull cord for the ceiling fan.

You've thought about taking Kung fu or Tai Chi because they seem to embody the Yang principle and would complement your current style, which is more Yin.

You understood the previous sentence.

You use the sunglasses of the person you're talking to as mirrors to see if anyone is sneaking up on you.

You've ever yelled at the people on "Cops" because they're not using the right kick to open that door.

You've ever executed a move perfectly, sending your training partner to floor, then apologized to them.

[RayCorrea]

The complete pict.

[BudoGrrl]

LOL Ok, I admit to doing a few of those things on that list. :D

Alex Schellinger

[RayCorrea]

Practice, practice, practice...

Tachiuchi

[Peter H.]

I know I've spent too much time in the dojo when the kids I teach who are also in my daughters' playgroup call me sensei and bow at the playground. Also the fact that some who I don't train think "sensei" is my actual name.

[Prince Loeffler]

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[chizikunbo]

This stuff cracks me up! (Is this the longest thread on e-budo?)

[Peter H.]

Oh, not by far, I think the Ask/Answer thread is the longest, but the Frank Dux thread in Bad Budo is quickly running up the ranks.

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[chizikunbo]

That is pretty good, we had somthing like that actually happen in a dojo in kansas city, it was all over the news lol!
The whole apperantly sensai got mugged thing

[pgsmith]

Very much like the poor fool that tried to carjack the Florida State judo team. I'll have to hunt down that article, it was hysterical.

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[BudoGrrl]

SPOOOOOOOON!!!


Alex Schellinger

[monkeyboy_ssj]

Originally posted by BudoGrrl
SPOOOOOOOON!!!


Alex Schellinger

Tick: "You don't fight destiny.. No sir! And you don't eat crackers in the bed of your future or you get all .. scratchy."

;)

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[tsurashi shondo]

yuks

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Puuddy Taht is gowing dwannn HARD !

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OY VE !

[aiki_uke]

"You can't hurt me HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!"

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[Rob Alvelais]

"Evil is a foot!"

Originally posted by monkeyboy_ssj
Tick: "You don't fight destiny.. No sir! And you don't eat crackers in the bed of your future or you get all .. scratchy."

;)

[Prince Loeffler]

.oooopppppsss !

[Prince Loeffler]

Why Kiai is important !

[davidafindlay]

Ok,

So I don't have a problem with anyone's religion, profession, nor (usually) their interpretation of their martial art. "Karatists" don't bother me either, and I may even know a guy called Mike Craine.

But put all these things together and present them In Stereo, and somehow it just doesn't ... seem ... quite ... right.

Maybe its just me.

(Hopefully the pic comes up - I'm having difficulty attaching it. E-budo newbie.)

Regards,

Dave Findlay

[Prince Loeffler]

Result of years of training...

[Chrono]

Originally posted by Prince Loeffler
Result of years of training...

I bet it took a long time to get the eyes to flash like that. And, look! He has a black belt.

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[Chrono]

You're got too much time on your hands, Prince.

[Prince Loeffler]

Rambo, The current K-9 World Full Contact Champion.

[Chrono]

Originally posted by Prince Loeffler
I found these surfing the net. I sually save the ones I deemed hilarious..

How do you search that stuff, man? I haven't found anything like this stuff.

[DeLamar.J]

http://media.ebaumsworld.com/catfight.avi

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A brown belt was sparring with his instructor one day at a private lesson when the instructor collapsed and fell to the floor after a punch to the head. He didn't seem to be breathing and his eyes were rolled back. The brown belt panicked and ran to the office to call 911. He gasps to the operator: "My instructor is dead! What shall I do?" The operator, in a clam, soothing voice, says: "Take a deep breath and relax. I'll guide you through this. First, we need to make sure he is dead." The operator hears the phone being laid down and then she hears a couple of loud thumps. Then she hears the phone being picked up again and the caller says, "OK, what do I do next?"

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[Chrono]

He's going to seriously need some Tylenol after that.

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[Brian Owens]

No hitting below the belt, huh. :laugh:

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[Prince Loeffler]

McDonald open new Ninjutsu School under Super Grandmaster Ronald Mcdonald 355th Degree Black Belt ....

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Using Kokutsu Dachi ( Back Stance) In Real Life situation.

[Prince Loeffler]

Karate Stance in Real life..NEKO ASHI DACHI - CAT STANCE

[Prince Loeffler]

How to know when you've left your Dogi( Karate Uniform) in your car far too long...

You and your passengers suffer from a rare form of "inhalation ringworm"

A cop pulls you over for speeding, smells the car and asks "Ok, Hannibal where' the body?".

The vermin who originally infested your car to eat the scraps of pizza you drop have all died from exposure to your Dogi( Karate Uniform).

A carjacker forces you out of your car at gunpoint, gets in, drives 10 yards, gets out, and yells "Sheez man, where's you sense of decency!?"

Your dog, unlike most dogs who love a car ride, braces his paws against the sides of your car to avoid being forced inside.

You are driving on a lonely country road at night and pick up a hitchiker. He expains that he has been waiting in the rain for a ride for 5 hours and he needs to get to the hospital were his wife is having a baby. Upon smelling your Dogi he dives out the window at 60mph and takes off running through a field.

A fly finds it's way into your car and instantly dies.

You are able to mold your dogi like a Gumby figure so it looks like a passenger so you can drive in the car pool lane.

You have a pet name for the ringworm on the sleeve of your dogi and often talk with it about your hopes and dreams as you drive down the freeway.

The FBI seizes your vehicle on suspision of being a "Bio-terrorism" weapon.

You look in your rear-view mirror and now see 3 dogi's... your dogi is somehow reproducing!

The interior of your car smells like a member of the Al Qaeda terrorist network.

You are afraid to park your car in direct sunlight because the windshield-magnifying-glass effect might cause instantaneous combustion of the volatile gases inside the passenger compartment.

That half a hamburger you left on the seat the night before is gone in the morning.

The next morning your gi has moved from the back seat into the front seat.

Then the kid from The Sixth Sense gets in your car and says "I smell dead people!".

Riding in your car gives your great-grandfather flashbacks of being mustard gassed in WWI

The Four Horsemen of the Apocolypse show up at your house with baseball bats demanding to see your union card.

[MikeWilliams]

:laugh:

[Mr_Bozz]

A carjacker forces you out of your car at gunpoint, gets in, drives 10 yards, gets out, and yells "Sheez man, where's you sense of decency!?"

CORRECTION:

A carjacker forces you out of your car at gunpoint, gets in, drives 5 yards, gets out and forces you back into the car at gun point. Horrified, he then turns and runs away screeming like a madman.

Have a nice day. :)

[Prince Loeffler]

I want this Shirt @!

[Andrew S]

Upon finding out that you do a martial art, you're likely to get bombarded with questions, usually that are completely inappropriate or simply show how much the questioner doesn't know.

Here are some snappy answers to stupid questions about the martial arts I have actually used. Sad, but true...

Are you a ninja?
No, I’m a Gemini.

How many boards can you break?
Dunno, I’ve never been attacked by a tree.
(Note: if the question involves “bricks”, substitute
“house” in
your answer.)

Could you beat Bruce Lee?
I don’t know. Say, why don’t you go and dig up the body so
we can
find out?

Are you better than Steven Segal?
Well, I have better dress sense and fewer marital problems.


Following one of these, the verbal "attacker" usually leaves in disgust.

[Brian Owens]

...Could you beat Bruce Lee?
"Yes, but grave robbery is a felony around here."

[Andrew S]

"Yes, but grave robbery is a felony around here."

Curses! Would that be considered a "grave crime"?

[Sochin]

Sure it's a grave crime - the dirt on your hands is a dead give-away.

[Trevor Johnson]

Just found a Chinese restaurant here in Durham, and found they're serving a new pork dish. Must be native to Durham. They explained to me that they get the pigs from a breeder who trains fighting pigs, and that these pigs have a richer flavour than normal.

So, I had a great meal of wu-shu pork! :D

[Ronin_21]

I was walking out of my iaido class one night (we sometimes practice at a rec center) and of course all the !!!! for brains teenagers were watching and making some obnoxious comments through the course of the class. as I was leaving one approached me and asked if I could cut a tree in half with my sword, I calmly replied "well that depends, do you constitute a tree?" the best part was that he had no idea of what I was talking about. Un martial arts people, especially teenagers can be such idiots.

[Brian Owens]

..."well that depends, do you constitute a tree?"...
LOL! Beautiful!

[Prince Loeffler]

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[Prince Loeffler]

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[Prince Loeffler]

Yes, we deliver fast !

[Prince Loeffler]

Ninjas are every where !

[Prince Loeffler]

So how do Mouse Kiai ?

[Mr_Bozz]

post deleted

[Prince Loeffler]

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[Prince Loeffler]

Meditate on this !

[Prince Loeffler]

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[Prince Loeffler]

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[Prince Loeffler]

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[Prince Loeffler]

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[Prince Loeffler]

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[Prince Loeffler]

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[Prince Loeffler]

Owieee ! Scooooorrrrre !

[Prince Loeffler]

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[Prince Loeffler]

Mystery solved why the west lost the war !

[Prince Loeffler]

The lost Bruce Lee vs Ali photo ! Found here at E-Budo :)