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Daniel san
31st July 2003, 02:19
Hello,
This is about customers. Specifically, customers gone bad.
The new trend in corporate America is "customer service". We are not expected to merely be nice, we have to bend over backwards to service those who actually seem to hate us for some (leftover-slave-owning-mentality) reason that I don't know at all.
Is there anything I could do for ya'll? Anything? You just let me know if you have any questions. I'll be down here on my knees.


Oh, right, ranting. While not actually on the topic of this thread that I am starting, I'll allow it because no one can interupt me. I had a potential employee come in today who insisted on contradicting me at every turn about product knowledge. I offered to show her three different books showing the truth (I'm right, she's wrong :p ). She didn't even attempt to look at what I was teaching her. Artists are retarded. Whatever, bottom of the application pile for her.

Also, I got the question,"how long is this ruler?" They were in all seriousness. "That would be 18 inches sir."

adroitjimon
31st July 2003, 02:35
Exactly the same reason I'm no longer in retail...

sometimes I would get so irritated that in my mind I would say
"you know I could lick you right on the face and all you could do
is tell management" I've only licked one customer,but I asked
her if I could :D

but now it's just me in my dumptruck hauling a$$ down the road
with automatic ticket exemptions,doesn't pay that much but
hey,what is the MSRP for peace of mind?

Chrono
31st July 2003, 02:36
Originally posted by Daniel san
Also, I got the question,"how long is this ruler?" They were in all seriousness. "That would be 18 inches sir."

I work at my local grocery store and many times I've been asked about the price of something when it is marked right there in front of the people that are asking.

Jon

Shitoryu Dude
31st July 2003, 02:41
Sounds like you ran into a typical idiot.

Customer Service - corporate attention to customer satisfaction is a mandatory and major portion of the latest version of ISO9000 that the majority of large corporations are either registered to or "compliant" with. Most company audits done anyplace in the world are done to this standard.

That said, studies show that over 90% of a companies profits are generated by less than 20% of their customers. Likewise, the same holds true for expenses and losses. You can have a lot of business going on with a customer, but they are so much trouble to maintain that your profit margin is severely impacted by dealing with them.

Example: Fidelity recently let go a $500,000 account because the owner of the account kept three people at Fidelity busy all day long. If you know anything about account reps at an investment corporation you know that the overhead for three people can easily run in excess of $100,000/year each. This account was actually a loss or liability. Customer can very easily be wrong.

:beer:

Joseph Svinth
31st July 2003, 04:10
My favorite stupid question is the one that one hears regularly at the Visitor Center at Mount Rainier -- "Is that the mountain?"

No, that's just 14,412 feet of rock and ice heading straight up from where you're now standing. The Mountain is on the other side.

Shitoryu Dude
31st July 2003, 04:53
No kidding - see another big ass mountain in the near vicinity? If you are in the Seattle area there is only one "mountain". Sure, you can get a good view of some of the other volcanic peaks in the region if you are lucky, but they are quite a bit a farther away and they look it.

How to tell someone is from the area; the phrase "the mountain is out today" actually makes sense. Then there are the references to "sunbreaks" and "rain with scattered showers" or "showers with intermittent rain". :laugh:

avehnor
31st July 2003, 06:52
i'm a customer service rep. we manufacture like "professional" hair care products.

i have people asking me how to use shampoo....

BigJon
31st July 2003, 22:23
I remember being onboard a dive boat...when asked : "How deep do you have to go to see under the island?" I didn't answer, I couldn't. I figured that person was not long for this world...
BTW-The same guy forgot his fins on a 100 ft dive....brilliant.

Jon Gillespie

John McCollum
31st July 2003, 23:11
My personal favourite: standing RIGHT NEXT to the stairs that led to the basement.

"Excuse me, how do I get downstairs?"
"Uh...you go down these stairs"

Henry
1st August 2003, 01:55
Well, since the thread drifted to dumb questions...

About 10-12 years ago I was waiting for a fireworks show on the water in San Diego, there was a tug/fireboat puttering around spraying two huge arc into the air. After about twenty minutes of this a woman behind me asks "Where do you think that little boat keeps all that water?"

I just stared at her for a few seconds, wondering if she could possibly be serious. I really thought she was pulling my leg. My wife answered for me.

bruceb
1st August 2003, 06:07
1.) Q. Can I help you?
reply: Sure, I am helpless.

2.) Q. Can I get a part just like this one.
reply: Just like this one, or one that looks like this one but works?

3.) Q. Hey, can you tell me the price of this thing?
reply: sure, but you will have to bring it over here so I can see what it is, and read how much it is from the label.

4.) Q. How much will it cost to fix?
reply: Well it could be as much as it takes if you leave it, twice as much if you watch, or three times as much if you help.

5.) Q. I am not happy with this item, can I bring it back?
reply: Sure, but only if you promise to buy something you will be happy with.

(the hardware store classic.)
6.) Q. I need a screw, where can I get one.
reply: There are some lovely ladies down the street who might be willing to give you what you want?

7.) Q. Can I get some service, here.
Reply: Sure, we have both kinds of service here. Good, and Bad. Which one would you like.

Of course, there are hundreds more, but these seem to keep coming up, again and again.

adroitjimon
2nd August 2003, 00:25
My favorite is this;From person in vehicle to personnel flagging
traffic;

Q.when are y'all gonna be finished with this road?
A.in the future.

seskoad
3rd August 2003, 13:19
have you ever noticed? in most chinese restaurants I have been most of the waiter/waiteress almost never smile or give you welcome face. I noticed most of them always show tired and tight face. Apart from that, the owner always smile and welcome the customers. But still, those restaurants always busy with customers. Are we that hungry?

I work in KFC and my shift is weekend graveyard (from 10.30 pm - 05.00 am). I am telling you, most customers are @$$hole. Screaming, yelling or hit the bench in front of us or insult one of the indian staff member. We never smile as instructed in KFC customer service standards. But those bastards are most loyal customers every weekend.

Daniel san
3rd August 2003, 15:49
MMMmmm...Burger King. My old friend. There are many stories I could tell but let me preface this with, "I am not alone, do not ever eat at this resturant". Some stories are lawsuit worthy so I will be careful.

Three customers walk up to the counter. They appeared to be a real live pimp and his two ladies. They stood there for a minute and finally the gentleman was ready to place his order. "A whopper combo #1 with a coke and no secret sauce". One of his friends looked at him and said, "What?! They ain't got no secret sauce".
"Yes, we do", I replied with no smile whatsoever.

It took one week(in the air conditioned resturant) for twenty frozen whopper patties to thaw and start stinking. The exterminator they called found some in the ceiling and behind the safe. Others he found in planters in the dining room. Most were just in regular places a whopper can get by itself. They never discovered who did it, but we all got our raises. If there is a Kostell on this board then I challenge you to a duel sir.

I saw a gang fight that took place in, and out of the drive through window. The employee actually slid through the window sort of matrix style and ran after the car. A fight then broke out in the parking lot. Very exciting. Those were great customers. Ya'll come back now ya here.

PwarYuex
4th August 2003, 09:14
ARgh...
I work at a Games shop, we sell computer games, PS2, Xbox games, etc etc.

Someone walks in and asks if we sell bread, no kidding.

The name of the store is, infact Electronics Boutique. Although we are in the middle of a food court, supposudly fast food and games go together.

Another person comes up and asks if he can use our toilet. Size-wise, we are a small shop, we have a tiny back room. We're in the centre of a huge shopping centre... I reply to the customer that the toilet is down the hall.

A little kid pukes on the ground so the parent slaps him/her on the butt then yanks the kid off. Rob's here standing waiting for a "I'm sorry".

Selling such expensive stuff (I guess), we attract a lot of thieves. There is a couple of guys who are banned from coming into Westfield (Huge shopping-centre chain, where I work). They are constantly coming in and harrassing me because I've kicked them out many times.

"This is Rob Peterson, from Electronics Boutique, level 4, can I please have security sent up right away please?"

Hey, I've even been assaulted. Assaulted in that a customer got pissed and stormed in, grabbed me by my shirt, and pushed me into some shelves. Luckily for the guy there was centre management having lunch outside of my store. I simply removed his grip on me and pulled him downward, just so I'd have long enough for the centre management to run in and save me.

At the same shop, different location (chain), someone tried to steal something out of the open front glass cabinet, to which the store manager slid the glass door across, jamming the guy's hand in there, and delivering a side kick into the guys over-extended rib-cage.

I swear, one day I'm going to crack and not pick up the phone.

The thing is that we're not allowed to use the "Call security" button unless it's a real emergency, like being held up or something.