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John Lindsey
8th May 2001, 13:45
Anyone have any funny stories involving hakama? It seems that this piece of clothing for some reason, can cause problems with Westerners at times.

chrismoses
8th May 2001, 17:59
We used to use the term "hakama-nage" to refer to one of the secret Yudansha techniques in Aikido. The secret ability of otherwise skilled students to be thrown forcefully with their own pants! Shaolin monks have nothing on that!

And with no further ado, a little story:

-At a seminar a few years ago with a very senior Aikido Shihan, one of the senior students was called up for ukemi. The student jumped up and rushed across the mat to keep the Shihan from waiting, and just as they reached the center of the mat stomped on their own hakama spreading themselves at the feet of the guest instructor. The Shihan immediately put his right foot on uke's back clapped his hands (a la Daito Ryu) and declared "Hai, dozo!" (roughly "There, now you try!" indicating we should now perform this technique).

Meik Skoss
9th May 2001, 04:14
Yeah. That idiot Bluce Ree film about Russians in China in the '30s and the Japanese being total a--holes in and around Shanghai. Bluce was tlaining in a venue with the picture of Che I-Chai (if I recall correctly).

The " 'merican kuhroddy" dude playing one of 'em there bad guys, being a Japanese stylist donchaknow?, wore a keiko gi and one o' them hahakama thingies, with the koshiita facing to the front. I guess it meant was to help absorb the power of the Righteous Fists/som'dam'thing.

Anyway, this was back around '71 or '72. After the film (when emotions were *well* and truly stirred up), the idiot playing the part got up there on the stage of the Bella Union to break a free-floating board (i.e., held only by the top two corners). He tried twice and failed both times. There were, literally, fights in the aisles between some of the young Chinese bucks, all of whom wanted to pop up on stage/flat-out waste 'im for his temerity. (Remember, that particular film played very heavily toward anti-Jap'nee sentiments' the medium did, as McLuhan suggested, serve as the me[a?]ssage). The whole exercise was an exercise in spin, even before the term was invented. Jack Wada (Aikido of San Jose) was with me and can add to this story.

Nothing to do with hahakama, per se, except as a prop, incorrectly worn, but I recall that rather "interesting" incident. Talk about eating large doses of undercooked crow! And without salt! Eeeeewwwww...

Cameron Wheeler
9th May 2001, 07:09
I was once at a sword seminar here in Australia, one of the people who participated had never worn a Hakama and believed it was the right ting to wear a hakama concidering that the majority of us wear them (for normal everyday training as well as for the sword.)

He kindly asked his instructor to help him put it on (not a good idea concidering the warped sence of humor most martial artists have) so his instructor helped him by telling him to breath in and tied it as tight as he could (it was reminicent of someone puting a sadle on a horse).

Needless to say he did the 4 hous seminar in the hakama tide as tight as it was and at the end when he took it off you could see the marks of where he tide it from accross the room (ouch!!).

Blues
9th May 2001, 11:35
Half a year ago Toshishiro Obata sensei visited Amsterdam to give a seminar. At the end of the very last day of the seminar I was painstakingly folding my home-made (and impossible to fold nicely, I might add) hakama on the floor. I was having a bit of a struggle, but Obata sensei was standing close-by (maybe watching) and I didn't want to just fold the bugger up sloppily like I normally do. Halfway through my efforts he came up to me smiling and told me (I don't remember the words) I was making too much of a fuss and that there is a much easier way to do this. He removed his hakama and blindingly fast folded it on his chest while standing...something that I never managed to duplicate.

It's funny to think that he has demonstrated a gazillion devastating techniques in that couple of days but he kept the best one for the very end.

Charlie Kondek
9th May 2001, 20:41
Mine goes something like this.

In kendo class, leading a drill: "All right, you guys, come on, now. Line up and do exactly what I do, do it like this..."

Goes to strike the first men, steps on hahakama and immediately... falls. And is righteously jeered.

Kind of an aside, and may be too gross for folks but... anybody ever ripped one through one's hahakama during an inopportune moment? Nothing like coming up to maii during kata, all serious and intent, raising the sword from gedan to chudan, a pause before initiating the action...

Ppppppppppppbbbbbbtttttttt!

Bambi
9th May 2001, 21:03
When I purchased a new hakama a while ago the shopkeep told me about some guy he once saw strutting around at a seminar in a brand new hak. Nothing wrong there except this plonker hadn’t removed the white thread that ran down the back of his new hakama…

Less funny story : One of the guys in our dojo took up his hakama hem as it was slightly too long. One night late last year the hem dropped down at the front. He didn’t notice until he caught his toe in it while taking ukemi and landed flat on his face, aggravating an old shoulder injury. He’s been out of his Judo class since and is currently taking steroid injections in the shoulder. This confirmed my suspicion that hakama are (literally) pants.

Maybe the Japanese invented the hakama cos they didn’t have any shoelaces to trip on?

Neal Hinerman
9th May 2001, 23:15
One of my Sensei's best friends was visiting and I was taking ukemi for katatetori koshinage. Everything went fine until he put his hip under my center. . .and stood on my hakama. I couldn't move. The thought went through my head that we'd have to start over, so I relaxed a bit. There was a small pause, and then the Sensei (who thought I was resisting) doubled his power and over I went, feet almost touching the ceiling. Then he cracked the whip so I slammed into the mat, knocking the wind out of me. As I lay there trying to uncross my eyes he asked why I had resisted the technique. Everyone got a good laugh when I explained what had happened.

Neal Hinerman

David T Anderson
10th May 2001, 18:32
This story isn't nearly as good as some here, however....

One day I was a little late for class and got dressed in a big hurry. I was rushing to the door of the dojo when I noticed my legs felt a little constricted and realized that I had put both legs down one side of the hakama. I immediately stopped and got myself organized.

Now, if had actually made it out to the mat to line up with my fellow aikidoka this would be a _really_ funny story...but I think I'm just as happy that didn't happen.

As for gaseous emissions... One of our senior students was called up by the Sensei to be uke in a demonstration. He received a throw and produced a very noticeable sound effect when he rolled. The class [which included several newbies, a couple of them cute girls we were all checking out ] managed to keep a straight face, but the level of awe for this particular practitioner [he's a very big muscular guy with good technique] was somewhat reduced...

Charlie Kondek
11th May 2001, 16:13
All right. Forgive me for this one. It's funny how, as you get older, your relatives start telling you stuff you never knew. Well, my grandad shared this doozy with me when he was up from Florida last.

Apparently after the war but before he married my grandmother he and a buddy were in a wrestling club, and used to go the the Y or whatever and grapple on the mat every week. One time he had his buddy in a scissor hold around the middle. His buddy starts going, "Alec, lemme go. Alec, lemme go."

"Not a chance," says my grandad, squeezing harder.

"No, Alec, you don't understand - lemme go before I poop - oh, too late."

True story! Grandad squeezed the, er, poop out of his buddy, and the unfortunate friend soiled his singlet!

That was as good as the story behind the one of Alec and his brothers in the Havana bar. Apparently, a few seconds after that photo was taken, in walked half a dozen Marines. Alec was in the Army, his brothers in the Navy, so a little inter-service rivalry (fueled by tequila) started flying. Grandad said, "So I says, get yer back to the wall, Frenchy, and we'll get out of here. Sure enough, we flattened those Marines and got the hell out of there."

Sorry for hijacking this thread with doo-doo and war stories; I figured it was an open invite to anything funny.

ghp
11th May 2001, 17:33
Year: 1973
Location: Peoria, Ill.
Event: Bob Trias Karate Tournament.

I'm there to demo Mugai Ryu iai (and to get my butt kicked in kumite!). Back stage are two kendo people standing around in keikogi and hakama.

Red Flag goes up, "dope-o-meter" klaxon is sounding loudly!! Both gents are wearing their hakama back-to-front. Well, being the kind soul I am and not wanting *anything* to have an adverse impact on budo (Hidetaka "Hidy" Ochiai sensei was the guest of honor) ... so, I promptly pull the guys to the corner of the dressing room and teach them how to wear and tie the hakama. They were SO thankful.

As they departed to go on the floor in full bogu, I asked,"By the way, where did you learn kendo?" "Oh," says one, "we haven't learned kendo -- we just bought the equipment from a catalogue and practice in my back yard!"

Urgh!

I tried to talk with Ochiai sensei prior to my iaido demo but he wouldn't even give me the time of day. After my enbu, he came up to me and thanked me for demonstrating genuine iaido! Maybe he thought I had the same teachers as did the kendo guys?

Ahhhhhhh .... Fond memories. Oh, I took third place for weapons ... but don'cha know they had no goo-gaws for third?

--Guy

ghp
11th May 2001, 18:10
Year: 1969
Location: Bangkok Thailand
Event: Visiting my highschool sweetheart

Okay, this is embarassing, so you guys and gals who get offended easily just may want to pass this one up.

I lived in Bangkok as an army-brat from 1968-1970. Throughout this time I studied Changmukwan, and had a strong interest in Japanese swords. During my Sophmore and Junior year some of my friends were children of Japanese businessmen, and I finally got to link up with kendo when my they learned of my interest. But that occured in the last 8 months of my stay.

Back to the HAKAMA story... Being consumed with things Japanese, I wanted to ensure my new hakama fit properly. I took the hakama to my girlfriend (we'll call her "Noriko") and asked her to "teach me how to wear the hakama." Okay, okay ... yeah, I already knew.

Well, it just so happened that we timed this "lesson plan" to take place when her parents weren't at home. Noriko and I had already learned how to undress, so that part was no problem. She gently guided me inside (of the hakama), and firmly wrapped her leg....I mean ...she wrapped the himo around my waist, and then I got knotted.

We then begain keiko. This was koryu keiko, no ordinary "gendai budo" This was "Sei-do kan" (Toby!!) grappling waza with lots of newaza. She was a great senpai, cuz we were both sweating profusely. However, not really understanding the mysteries of the hiden mokuroku, I volunteered two more times for mat time. I guess this was really kumiuchi of some sort, the type taught at the Futon-kan.

Well, just as I was almost getting my grip, and had kuzushi in the most unbalanced and precarious position --- (and envisioning the forthcoming seionage in my mind) ... HER MOTHER RATTLES THE LOCKED DOORKNOB !!!

Bam! It was all over for me. With both feet firmly planted in my tanden, Noriko did a failed attemtp at tomoenage --I let loose with the sloppiest ukemi you'd ever imagine.

My hakama was ruined. My beautiful, brand new indigo-blue hakama has NEVER been the same since. I still have the damage -- it shows to this day; but no one would ever guess what caused the damage (except for Bill Clinton, Monica Lewinsky, and a DNA scientist).

So, that ends the tail (erhum) of my hakama encounter. I won't bore you with how quickly I composed myself (I tried hiding in the corner!!) ... And I won't tell you how forgiving the mother was ("PLEEEEEZE don't tell her father!!!!) ... and I won't tell you anything else -- because everything else had nothing to do with the hakama.

I still have it ... I do. It's over 30 years old. Funny thing though -- all my friends had dressmakers make their hakama. Not ME! Uh-un! "Ain't no steenkin DRESSMAKER gonna make MY hakama! So siree. I'll have a TAILOR do it! I'm a man!

Crud, all my friend's hakama fold so nicely and the hems are so even. Mine? Well, I discovered that tailors sure as hell don't know about pleats! Good thing I didn't try to take a kilt to him.

Thats all for now (none of my students better read this. If ya do --- mention it to me, or even smile suspiciously and I'll cut your ears off!)

Regards,
Guy

AAC
12th May 2001, 03:08
Hakama hiden waza Bangkok style :-)

14th May 2001, 16:30
Guy,

Look out bud. You are a 10th dan in Sei Do Kan. Yessuuureebob!

What talent, what flexability, what ingenuity.......what timing!

LOL

Tobs

Kenji Fujiwara
14th May 2001, 17:19
Hhmmm. Sei is written with heart radical? Very powerful system.

ghp
14th May 2001, 18:43
Kenji,


Sei is written with heart radical?

Yes, the standing-heart radical. [Isn't it called "tate-shin" hen?]

Verrrrry powerful "mojo."

--Guy

Joshua Crison
15th May 2001, 01:06
hechi!

ittenonagewaza, na?

I must admit two things,
A, I loved that story
B, Japanese moms really do say `please dont tell her father`

Sorry but I dont really have any good Hakama stories, everyone here knows how to were them ....

Charlie Kondek
15th May 2001, 15:39
ghp wins by knockout, cuz he laughed me so hard I passed out!

But Josh, come on, not *one* good fart story?

BC
15th May 2001, 17:13
In our dojo, we have a yudansha (I'll call him Joe) that occasionally has a tendency to talk down to his kohai and
lecture them while practicing during class. Well, I recently had the pleasure of working with him during the first half of a weapons class, and was getting lectured to and shut down and all that fun stuff. Well, right after telling us to
switch partners, the instructor tells everyone to replace their jo in the weapons rack at the end of the mat. Joe must've been feeling pretty gung ho that evening, because he decided to jump up and sprint to the weapons rack ahead of everyone else. About halfway there after he's picked up some pretty good steam he catches his foot in his hakama and goes airborne, sending his jo flying across the mat and landing flat on his face in front of the rest of the students, who are just standing up from seiza. I mean, Joe must have flown so far through the air before that bellyflop, that he should have gotten some frequent flier mileage for that one! Even our Dojo Cho started to crack up and had to turn and walk to the other end of the mat.

On another note, in the office complex where I work there is a video production company that has a continuously streaming video monitor in the lobby for advertising. One part of this video includes footage of a guy in a white tank top, sunglasses, and bright blue hakama swinging a katana around on the lakefront (using a wide angle lens, no less). Everytime I walk by and see this I get a little chuckle.

Joshua Crison
16th May 2001, 01:03
Well I guess if you think a 70 year old man who was wereing all white and practicing Iado, letting out the biggest most valguar fart yopu can think of when everyone else was sitting in seiza, I guess there is one of thoose. But nobody laughed, so it wasnt so funny. I really dont have hakama stories, becuase the only time I were them is if Im at hanami.

John Lindsey
22nd September 2003, 23:34
bump for more stories...

ghp
23rd September 2003, 00:23
Jeez, John .... THANKS for bumping that ..... NOT!

Sheesh! I thought that story would remain hidden and lost.

--Guy

pgsmith
23rd September 2003, 06:06
C'mon Guy,
If we haven't harrased you by now! Of course, it does make for some very funny mind pictures ...

:D
This happened several years ago when I was attending a jujutsu class where we were all sitting in seiza. The instructor called the sempai up to the front to demonstrate a movement. He jumped up, caught his foot in his hakama, and did a perfect forward roll so that he ended up on his feet directly in front of the instructor. I was so impressed that I applauded (and got in trouble!).

Mekugi
23rd September 2003, 08:42
Picture if you will: small demonstration in the sleepy town of Portland, Oregon, Circa 1998 .
Notice the beginner, a newly initiated student being required to wear his Hakama for the first time in public. The subject is not wearing underwear as it is a sultry evening in the Northwest. After several drinks of water, the subject is in dire need to use the facilities and does so. In his panic to go to the restroom and make it back to the dojo quickly, forgets to tighten his hakama strings.

As he strides onto the mat and performs his first kata, his koshite being new and heavy, falls. His buttocks are now exposed fully to the onlooking crowd in full kamae, fortunate enough to to have long uwagi to cover the upper portion of his derrier. The rest is giggle and smirk history in, the HakamaZone (cue music, face to black).

monkeyboy_ssj
23rd September 2003, 17:52
When i did Bujinkan we were all told that we had to wear Hakama for the new year.

One guy bought his to the class not even out of the plastic wrapper, We were all getting into ours and helping each other. this guy was the last.

He put it on, everything was fine.

We all look down and realise that his would fit a Giraffe, and the guy was only 5ft 6"! It looked like a black wedding dress, the guy being embarressed tried to carry on but you could hide a third world country in those babies.

Solves him right for ording if of the net :rolleyes:

Cheers

Brian Owens
24th September 2003, 02:23
Many years ago there was a storefront "karate studio" (that's what their sign said: studio, not dojo). A few weeks later the sign on the window had changed to say "Kung Fu Studio." This was at the height of the TV series "Kung Fu" and the Bruce Lee movie craze.

Anyway, I went in to look around, and it was the same instructor as before, and he was wearing a red and black satin jacket, over his all black keikogi, that said "4th Dan Kung Fu" on the back. You could still see the outlines where the letters for "Karate" had been removed and "Kung Fu" added.

Looking back into the training area I could see about a dozen young students. The boys were all wearing white uwagi with black zubon, and the girls were all wearing white uwagi with...drum roll, please...
blue hakama.

I asked him why the girls wore hakama, and he said "because this is a VERY traditional school and this is what they wear in China."

I tried my best to stiffle a laugh as I made my escape. I wonder what ever happened to that guy. He was probaly a "4th Dan Ninjutsu" in the '80s and a "4th Dan Brazilian Jiujitsu" in the '90s.

Gene Gabel
24th September 2003, 08:46
Originally posted by John Lindsey
Anyone have any funny stories involving hakama? It seems that this piece of clothing for some reason, can cause problems with Westerners at times.
..............................................

"Anything that can possibly go wrong, will go wrong, and usually during a demo".....usually applies to us in the computer field.

In my case it was during an outside demo. Sword/tonfa two man drill done with a little theatre thrown in. The ground was uneven and had some little hills and valleys in it. Everything was going fine untill I made a step out, from a valley, to a little hill. My hakama ended up lower than my foot as I was taking a charging step. Stepped on it and did a forward shoulder roll, blade up to protect myself from being cut and to defend from the tonfa coming down on my head when my roll stopped. For some reason it looked pretty good and my class members thought it was just a little something that I had thrown in as part of the acting...lucky me.

The other thing hakama-ryu brings to mind, is the whole in my right hakama leg. There are two kata in Kuniba Ryu that are started with reverse hand movements. After the draw, the sword is then thrust backwards horizontally beside the right leg. A little too close and you go right through the hakama and sometimes catching the leg also. So far I have only done this once, but missed my leg...so far anyway

Gene Gabel

Tripitaka of AA
24th September 2003, 10:20
It is certainly an area of training that seems ripe for disaster. Clothing in general is prone to causing accidents, but when it is only worn for special occasions the unfmiliarity just seems to multiply all the gremlins that live in the seams and pleats.

I can't remember any stories about the Hoi, which is the garment worn for ceremonial occasions by Shorinji Kenshi, but it was certainly fun trying to work out how to fold it. They are based on a Monk's robes, and when used for action the sleeves are rolled up. I imagine they are made from a similar fabric to Hakama.

Has anyone managed to work out how to get them cleaned? I wouldn't trust the nearest Dry Cleaners with a plain shirt, let alone my prized Hoi. I guess there have been a few disasters of that kind out there...

StanLee
24th September 2003, 10:36
Here is a link concerning the cleaning of a hakama

http://www.kendo-usa.org/reference/hakama_wash.htm

Perhaps the Hoi can be washed in a similar manner?

pgsmith
24th September 2003, 14:56
There are two kata in Kuniba Ryu that are started with reverse hand movements. After the draw, the sword is then thrust backwards horizontally beside the right leg.
We have a very similar kata that has a reverse thrust close in to the right leg. One of our guys did the exact same thing and stuck his iaito right through his hakama. After we got done laughing at him, our instructor jumped all over him for breaking concentration and stopping in the middle of the kata!