You might be a redneck if......

[Óscar Recio]

You might be a redneck if.....:D :D :D
*You don´t think that baseball players spit and scracth too much
*You´ve ever lost a tooth opening a bottle.
*Jack Daniels makes your list of most admired people.
*You have a tatto that says "mother" and it´s spelled wrong.
*You didn´tput the pink plastic flamingoes in your front yard as a joke.
*You family tree does not work
*You´ve got a toothpick in your mouth when your wedding pictures were taken.
*Thanksgiving dinner was ruined ´cos you ran out of ketchup :eek:
Any contributions??????? :beer: :beer:
Óscar

[Gene Williams]

....if your porch has ever collapsed and killed more than 3 dogs.

[Óscar Recio]

...if you ever had sex on a satellite dish :eek: :eek:
Óscar

[CEB]

...if when whenever you see a sign that says 'Just say no to crack' it reminds you to pull your pants up.

[Phil Farmer]

If you divorce you wife and she's still your sister.
If in the family portrait, there is less than one set of teeth between the entire group.
If you are too drunk to fish.
If there are no forks in you family tree.
If you help your richest relative take the wheels off of their new house.
If the movie Deliverance is a documentary of your neighborhood.

(BTW I live this every day here in East Texas!)

Phil Farmer

[Óscar Recio]

You might be a redneck if...
*Your new huntin' dog, and your son, were both conceived on your wedding night.
*You carry pictures of your hunting dog, but not your family, in your wallet.
*You've commited to memory every nuance of that scene from Crocodile Dundee where he pulls out his knife and says "That's not a knife..."
*You consider that crocodile hunter guy a sissy
*You've seen Deliverance more than ten times and root for the hillbillys
*You've got Smokey and the Bandit on DVD, and don't own a DVD player.
*Your truck window has a big #3 in it
*You've got more money into the engine in your 73 Dodge Charger than you do in your house.
*You're willing to drive more than 500 miles, without a ticket in hand, to attend a NASCAR race.
*When you measure your kids height on the wall you mark them with "First Knife", "First gun", "Killed first deer" instead of their ages or dates.

Boy oh boy!!!! :eek:
Óscar

[MarkF]

....If you go to the Superbowl with a ticket on the fifty yard line and you stay in the parking lot going to tailgate parties for the entire pre-game and entire game, and are the last to leave the next day, but your headlights don't work.


Mark

[Gene Williams]

Mark, Did this happen to you:D Sounds like a real personal experience...Gene

[Gene Williams]

...if you carry your dog and your wallet on a chain

[Shitoryu Dude]

Your eariest clear memory is of shooting a dixie cup with your dad's pistol while he gives you tips on shooting.

:beer:

[Gene Williams]

If, at your high school prom, you ended up with a girl in a prom dress on your back pulling your hair and screaming to her boyfriend, "Kill him Wade, kill him!":D

[Shitoryu Dude]

Now, that one deserves its own thread.

:beer:

[Jock Armstrong]

Hell, I be one!!!!!!!!!

Hillbilly in two countries.:beer: :toast:

[wendy ongaro]

...you pick up all your weekend's supplies at Absoraka Liquor and Sport (read guns).

...your belt buckle summons search parties called in by passing planes, who mistaken the shine for an emergency signal.

...your living room, bedroom set, and entire wardrobe are done in 'realtree cammo'.

...you make every household repair with duct tape and baling twine.

...over every doorway in your home hangs an antler rack, and in every corner you have a spittoon for your chew plug.

...your wife has to pay attention to the clearance signs on overpasses when she rides behind you on your Harley...or else her hairdo gets flattened.

...your favorite colors are hunter orange and John Deere green

...you have more cars parked in your backyard than the local used car dealership has on their lot- most of which don't work.

...you have never experienced the great outdoors without the background (or foreground) whine of some motorized vehicle...snowmobile, ATV, bass boat with outboard motor...etc.

[tmanifold]

If you are too drunk to fish.

Hey! I resemble that remark.:)

Tony

[wendy ongaro]

http://redneck

[wendy ongaro]

hmmm. the onion was thinking along the same lines this week...

[Jock Armstrong]

Twenty five wrist slashin' country favourites............

:beer:

Wendy, you are my Goddess

[StanLee]

You might be a redneck if...

you walk around with a lumberjack top and chewing on a leg of raw meat.

Stan:D

[wendy ongaro]

:D

[wendy ongaro]

:D

[wendy ongaro]

:rolleyes:

[Shitoryu Dude]

Liberace is spinning in his grave.....

That is some damn ugly sh*t you found there. Do you know anybody who has actually bought any?

:beer:

[StanLee]

OMG wendy...

That looks like the inside of a nuclear buncker...

Stan:D

[Óscar Recio]

JEEEEEEEEEEEEEESUS CHRIST!!!!!!!!!! :eek::eek::eek:
Óscar :nw::nw:

[wendy ongaro]

whip out your credit cards, boys. It's all at Cabela's!;)

[joe yang]

Do you have a tv that works, sitting on top of a tv that doesn't work? Do you have any major appliances on your porch? Do you collect "parts" cars? Is there a local slang for red neck? If you need meat off season, do you hit deer with you truck? Would you describe the color of your car as, primer, bondo, or flat black? Are your tires and lift kit worth more than your truck? Do you drive his and her vehicles so you can swap parts? How fast can you drop an engine? Have you ever stolen an ATV? Can you name the cheapest local beer? Can you name the strongest local beer? Can you name the strongest, cheapest local beer? What are Hornady, Nosler and Speer?

[Soulend]

How fast can you drop an engine? What are Hornady, Nosler and Speer?

Hey, now! I resemble that remark! :D

[G. Zepeda]

Do people constantly come up to your house and ask you if you are having a Yard Sale?
Does one or more of your hunting dogs have any missing limbs due to those wasciwee Snipe?
Do you have a cat farm for your dogfights?
Are you out the door at 8:30 a.m. July 3rd to catch the special on Meister Brau kegs at the local Beverage House?
(Hell ya!)

[monkeyboy_ssj]

You've got 3 teeth, and 2 are in your back pocket.

[mews]

If there are more dogs under your porch than teeth in your head.

mew

I like this one because of the considerable variation it allows.

[Gene Williams]

what has 100 legs and 12 teeth? The front row at a Willie Nelson concert:D

[Óscar Recio]

You are the best!!!!!
I´m learning a lot!!!!! Jeeeeeeeeezzzz!!!!!
Thank you!!!!!!!!
Óscar :nw::nw::nw:
PS:*if you ever cut your toenails in fornt of company
*all of your four letter words are two syllables
*your ever stolen a bulldozer :eek: (is there anyone who actually done it?)

[joe yang]

A redneck invented the toothbrush. Anyone else would have called it a teethbrush. :D

[wendy ongaro]

Want a taste of my professional life? Here we go, substance abuse, probably bipolar disorder (true split personalities are incredibly rare). And very, very redneck.

Elvis is the Devil (http://www.punchbaby.com/media/gitfakt/clips/TV/elvis.wmv)

[joe yang]

Wendy, my speakers walked off, darn kids. I couldn't hear the dialogue, but the visual portion struck a chord, a documentary I saw a few years back called "The Outlaw Tapdancer". The guy was talking about huffing gas at the end, wasn't he?

[wendy ongaro]

and lighter fluid.

I once had to care for this woman- who was about 50 going on 70 and had drunk herself into a leather handbag- who swore up and down that she had not been huffing that gold paint in that there paper bag in her right hand- until we got a mirror and pointed out the gold ring around her lips to her. :D

[ScottUK]

You might be a redneck if:

Your mom comes out of the bathroom and hollers:

Y'all wanna see this before I flush it!

[Prince Loeffler]

The governors of Alabama, Georgia & Mississippi
would like to announce that they have made a
disturbing discovery in their states.

Apparently, a small number of moslems have
become romantically involved with the locals.

The result was not pretty, and we now have the sad
task of reporting a new sector of the human race:
ISLAMABUBBAS.

So far, only a smattering of actual births has
been reported, and we are hard at work trying
to isolate and seal them off.

To date, we have identified the following:

Mohammed Billy Bob Abba Bubba
Mohammed Jethro Bin Thinkin Bout It
Mohammed Forrest Gumpa Bubba
Mohammed Rubba Dub Dubba Bubba
Bobbie Joe Bubba Charlene Atat
Betty Jean Hasbeena Badgurl
Cleavie Daba Hava Tampa
Linda Sue Bin There Dunthat

Not surprisingly, they all seem to have
sprung from one couple:
Mohammed Whoozyadaddy and Yomamma Bin Lovin.

[Óscar Recio]

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA :D:D:D:D
Cough, cough, cough :eek:
Guys, you are trying to kill me....
Óscar

[illusions117]

you might be a redneck if... your family business is a junkyard and you live in the center of it... I'm half redneck myself, so I do have more in my muscle car than in my house! (But I live in an apartment and I've only been here for a short time) :D