Verbal preparations for actual or implied fisticuffs

[Tripitaka of AA]

It would seem that nearly all violence is preceded by some verbal threat or warning. So often this is that special combination of tone, timbre, volume and facial expression that "squeezes the trigger" and sets off the explosion. Sometimes the brains of participants are already operating below par... and the verbal wit suffers from a case of foot-in-mouth that is sometimes so stupid as to cause laughter all around.

This thread (http://www.martialtalk.com/forum/showthread.php?t=11387&page=1&pp=15) from MartialTalk.com has elicited some great anecdotes. Dumb things spoken as threats.

Can the E-Budo throng come up with some Real examples of silly threats?


An off-shoot of this is something that I've recently heard referred to as the "brain-fart". It is a momentary lapse in concentration that can be exploited for a pre-emptive strike. In a self-defence situation, being able to "throw" an opponent by saying something stupid/crazy/off-beat is a highly valuable skill. It can even be practiced in the Dojo (where laughter may be all too frequently the response). Quick thinking, or just a stock phrase that works for you, have you got any good lines that work to confuse someone long enough to remove their ability to detect your next move?

[Paul Kerr]

It really happened liike this:

Setting - The Royal Oaks, a pub in Leeds, 1986. I'm there having quiet pint at the bar. Beside me a quite 'lubricated' guy and his, I assume, girlfriend.

Him: "Hoi, arsehole, you eyein' up my bird?"
Me: "No, not at all."
Him: "Why the f**k not? Is she ugly or summat?"
Me: (thinking, Oh Christ, cliche central!) "No, she's very pretty. You're a lucky guy."
Him: "Lucky? What the f**k you know about lucky?
Me: "Not much I guess"
Him: "Pretty? Ya fancy her? Ya b'std!"
Me: Yeah, she's pretty and I'm sure I'd have no chance with her 'cos she's with you.
Him: Ya bollox! I'll stuff ya I will!

At this point he rose off his barstool, took a swing and fell unconscious on the floor.

[Gene Williams]

If you are confronted and you feel violence is likely, it is best to say nothing. Remain alert and prepared, that's all. Talking does no good and wastes energy and causes you to lose focus.

[Soulend]

Say nothing, smile politely, and simply attack.

[Tripitaka of AA]

Originally posted by Gene Williams
If you are confronted and you feel violence is likely, it is best to say nothing. Remain alert and prepared, that's all. Talking does no good and wastes energy and causes you to lose focus.

Agreed. But a timely "Your shoelace is undone!" has been said to work wonders! I gather that there are people, such as Nightclub Bouncers, who have developed standard phrases that can distract a punter long enough to get a clear shot. With enough practice, on enough people, it is possible to reach a critical timing point such that it works every time (words like "almost" and "hardly ever" have been omitted fro brevity ;) )

[elder999]

Originally posted by Soulend
Say nothing, smile politely, and simply attack.

Here in the U.S.A., two statements are absolutely necessary before fisticuffs, especially when witnesses are present:

"Please stop, you're scaring me."
"I don't want to fight."

Then, if you're up to it, you can have them for lunch.:up:

[Soulend]

Good call, Jeff. "C'mon, I don't want any problems" or "Okay man, it's cool" works wonders. Then again, if I have to fight things have gotten bad enough to where a simple assault charge doesn't mean that much to me.

I would be amazed if 'your shoelace is untied' would work, the BG must be incredibly naive. I like non-verbal distractors, like glances to the side or extending one's beer to the side and dropping it. Although it's a grievous waste of ale, their eyes follow it to the ground every time.

[william northcote]

A joke one said by Roy "Chubby" Brown:

That's fighting talk where I come from...
Why arn't you fighting?
Oh I have moved away from there.

As they used to say round here... are you talking to me or chewing a brick?

[John Connolly]

I have used "When are you going to stop threatening me, and start actually hitting me? I am getting bored." and variants of that a few times. It actually worked as a deterrent (much to my surprise, as it wasn't my intent. I was just sick of the sh*t-talking and ready for violence).

[Shitoryu Dude]

I don't go to those types of places anymore......

[A. M. Jauregui]

It most certainly depends on one's whereabouts and intentions.
If one prefers to keep it on the down low:

Position (slight vector adjustments), situational awareness (look around dummy), combatant awareness (simply keep an eye on them), smile, breath, maximum
force (you can always scale back).

If one prefers to eliminate the altercation:

Position (slight vector adjustments), situational awareness (look around dummy), combatant awareness (simply keep an eye on them), smile, scream (your
breathing will automatically be taking care of), maximum force, proper force.

A few choice words can prevent an altercation if the individual receiving them is cognizant (primarily fearful) of the situation. If they are too far gone, for whatever reason, mincing words will be of little use (but if deploying a knife or a gun a strong warning would be legally prudent).

[Jock Armstrong]

Aaron has it nailed. The scum being cunning might well wish to sue you for damages- courts are notorious for siding with the shite of society. "You are scaring me" is excellent for civvie situations. At work- "sir be aware that I will defend myself" After that, no probs. In the bad old days we just used to wallop anyone who got in our faces- this being legally construed as an assault. If anyone gets heavy, they deserve a quick re-education. Personally, I don't hit anyone who is no longer a danger.

Aaaaaahhhh................the old days......when fools took their hidings without whimpering to the cops............

[Chrono]

And people wonder why I hardly talk. :rolleyes:

[Bod]

I once de-escalated a situation that I had previously escalated (with the words 'Don't nick televisions!'), with the words 'It's alright mate, I'm drunk', which was the understatement of the century.

[John Connolly]

I was once harrassed with verbal intent to assault at the checkout stand of my local grocery store.

[elder999]

Originally posted by Soulend
Good call, Jeff. "C'mon, I don't want any problems" or "Okay man, it's cool" works wonders. Then again, if I have to fight things have gotten bad enough to where a simple assault charge doesn't mean that much to me.



Funny story.

I was in college, and I was didn’t have my drivers license yet, so my principle means of transport was my bicycle, as well as, beside swimming, my principle means of aerobic training-since I hate to run. One day I looked out on my porch, just in time to see some slimeball riding away on my bike!

Well, I hate to run. That doesn’t mean I’m no good at it.:up:

So I manage to catch up with the guy-who was pretty well oblivious to me behind him until his head hit the curb.

Neighbors call the cops, cops show up, take statements, and it comes out that I study martial arts:

Cop: “So, were you in fear for your life?”

Me: “Are you kidding? Why I…”

Cop, raising hand to stop me: “NO. You don’t understand.” Says slowly, while nodding vigorously: “WERE YOU IN FEAR FOR YOUR LIFE?”

Me: “Oh, yeah man, I was scared witless!” (Though I didn’t say “wit”-less)

After that, I read up on law a little.I actually was obligated to let him get away!

Funny the lessons from your youth that stick you....

[Chrono]

Originally posted by John Connolly
I was once harrassed with verbal intent to assault at the checkout stand of my local grocery store.

Same thing happend to a girl I work with and it almost happend to me.

Our boss was getting on us about asking for a dollar donations (mostly so he can have a free trip to play golf). She asked this one older lady and she nearly cussed her out. I asked it to another lady and she said, with a sharp tone, "No, I will not!" Then she kept on complaining about everybody asking for donations. A simple no would have been sufficient.

[John Connolly]

My grocery store incident happened at the Jewel at Division and Damen in Chicago (about 5-6 blocks from my apartment in Latin Kings/Harrison Gents territory).

I was in line with my girlfriend, and being broke, bought essentials to last for a week until payday-- dry goods (pasta, rice), cannned tomatoes & beans, etc. The only fresh stuff I could afford to buy was oranges. So, I bought a bag of oranges to last us through the week.

After I set the stuff on the conveyor belt, the woman behind me set her 2 large bottles of bleach right on top of my oranges! My precious oranges! So, I calmly and politely said, "Ma'am, please take your bleach off of my oranges." To which she replied, "Oh! I'm sorry. Sure!" Problem solved.

Until...

Her anger-management-issues boyfriend starts hurling invective at me, and saying "What did you F-ing say? I will F-ing KILL YOU. I will F-ing kick the sh*t out of you (ETC.)" At which point I calmly repeated what I had said to his GF. Didn't seem to matter. The nastiness continued and grew in volume, with increased posturing and directed threats (all while the GF was looking incredibly unhappy and embarrased.) The woman and I exchanged condolences for her boyfriend's behavior while he railed and raved, to which he responded, "Don't you F-ing talk to her! You are F-ing dealing with me!"

At the first moment of this interaction, I had squared my posture and stance to his, and picked up a can of tomatoes which I held out of his view at the side of my body. I was already ready to throw down, but I could think of nothing more ridiculous than this event coming to violent ends. I only wanted unsquished oranges.

Finally, after many direct threats and an increase in posturing and volume, I said: "When are you going to stop threatening me, and start actually hitting me? You keep talking. What's going to happen next? I am sick of you threatening me. Can't you see that this is total B.S.? You have a problem, but it's not with me."

I don't really think this made him more philosophical about his behavior, but it probably confused and embarrassed him. He seemed to think I should be fearful, but instead I came off like his stern Grandmother. After a few rounds of me telling him he was "behaving badly", I got to proceed thru checkout with my girlfriend, and the bleach purchasing gal dipped her head into my hearing and said, very quietly, "Thank you!" The dude just held back and grumbled under his breath, looking at his shoes.

Could have turned out worse.

[MikeWilliams]

A former boss (and mate) of mine was once facing a very belligerent, drunk, gatecrasher (at my Dad's birthday party actually). I was standing next to him, minding my own business when Andy my boss said to the drunk:

"Look mate, you want to fight.But you don't want to fight me. You should fight Mike - he has a really high pain threshold."

Bastard. I nearly pooped myself. But it worked - the drunk just backed off and left.

[Steve Delaney]

Originally posted by MikeWilliams
A former boss (and mate) of mine was once facing a very belligerent, drunk, gatecrasher (at my Dad's birthday party actually). I was standing next to him, minding my own business when Andy my boss said to the drunk:

"Look mate, you want to fight.But you don't want to fight me. You should fight Mike - he has a really high pain threshold."

Bastard. I nearly pooped myself. But it worked - the drunk just backed off and left.

ROFL, don't you just love friends like that?

How about this for an old London/Essex cliche?

"Hoi do you F@ckin' want some, you f@ckin' C@*t?"

As said to me by a neanderthal when working the door about seven/eight years ago. Lordy, the creative things they come up with :rolleyes:

[Jock Armstrong]

I escorted a young gent out of a club I was working in [it wasn't so much his fault but his big mouthed girlfriend- but I digress]. He was OK but then Bitchgob starts with the old cussing [good at it too]. She then runs out of invective for me and starts on poor Joe Henpeck "You gonna let 'em treat ya loik that eh? Be a man ya wuss..." etc. Poor bastard looks at me and starts to raise the fists and I can see in his eyes he really doesn't want too. We must've been on the same wavelength that night- I shot out a jab which barely touched his chin. He did the right thing and threw himself to the ground in a pool of oscar winning unconciousness. Bitchgob turns to me while nursing the victim and for a moment is speechless. Then she recovered and says to me "you"ve just got a ...little dick!!"
Me and my colleague looked at each other and without batting an eye he says " I never said a word..."

Nightclubs are funny places.............

[Tripitaka of AA]

Originally posted by Jock Armstrong
he says " I never said a word..."

Nightclubs are funny places.............

Workmates humour... don't you just love that inside-joke!



There are cassic threats that EVERYONE seems to use, which they probably get off old TV programs. Things like;

"Tell me mate, do you LIKE hospital food?"

"What's your favourite? A knuckle sandwich, or teeth-in-a-basket?"

"I hope your missus has a black dress... for your funeral!"

"Are you talking to me? Are you talking to ME?" deivered as Travis Bickle in true DeNiro style.



I daresay that most often, those lines are slurred to death by the drunks and come out more like;

"Tell mate, I like hoshpital food ... no I don't... shtand shtill won't you" then falls over.

"woss your basket then? Teeff in a sammich... wiv ketchup!"

"Your missus in a black dress... with a vase and some flowers... and ashes... and a vicar... and {sobs} ... I love my mum"

"Are you talking to me? Are YOU talking to ME?" - This one usually comes out OK, it must be from all those hours in front of the mirror at home.

[william northcote]

I think I have said this before on e-budo but just to refresh yer memory....

When I was 20 I was doing one of them job training schemes. This guy knew me as his younger brother (same age as me) beat me up in a fight even though I was face down and getting battered round the head.

So for a few weeks he was making my life hell in the canteen. Always on about his smaller brother decking me (we both fell over a low wall and I was face down after that). He was the big tough guy who seemed to revel in making others suffer, even me. So I decided to see if he was the best thing in this group. They were (10 or more people)sat over the other side of the canteen and I was with 3 others and I just started talking to him.

Text dramatized for storytelling
"Have you a brain?"
"Yes" came the reply.
"I bet you can not do this. Raise your right hand."
He did and I said well done.
"Now with your left hand tap the back of the right."
Again, he did and I said well done again.
"Now while doing that try and bite your right ear."
He tried to bite it.

Now place that image of someone doing that into your head. That is what he did. It is amazing to see someone that is 6 foot tall feel like a dwarf.
Dramatics end.

why use violence when words can do more damage to someone more than any kick to the head....

[BC]

I like what I saw a few nights ago at a family get-together.

My sister-in-law was telling how her kids listen to her and do what they are told, because otherwise she would "kick their butts." (actually stated half-jokingly) She then looks at her sixteen-year-old son, and says "right Gary?" Without missing a beat, he promptly offers up a deadpan "yeah right." Had the whole room laughing.

I have a friend, who, just by his physical appearance, no sane/sober person would ever attack (never mind his scary martial abilities). His pat response when anyone gives him a hard time is a quietly stated "blow me."

Definitely don't do what my moronic brother did several years ago in Chicago while walking home from the bar across the street from some nasty projects. A bunch of teenagers from the projects approach him and his friends, talking trash. My brother pipes in "sorry, I don't speak jive." Said moronic brother and his buddies then get chased for over a mile before the teenagers give up. To this day I can't believe he didn't get his *** kicked. Then again, if he had, he might not be such a moron today... :rolleyes: Oh well.

By the way, John, this happened on North Ave. right across from Cabrini Green.

[John Connolly]

Is it still there? When I left Chicago in 2000, the city was preparing to tear it down and let developers put up townhomes.

In terms of nightclub fun, I used to bartend/bounce at a little place called Corosh, on Milwaukee Ave, about a block from Ashland/Division/Milwaukee, across the street from Section 8 housing and a mile & 1/2 from Cabrini Green. It was a pretty mixed clientelle: local gangsters, local neighbors, newly moved-in yuppie types, and a mix of ethnically Puerto Rican, Ukrainian, Polish, Mexican, African American, and Euromutt Whitey folks. For the most part it was lots of fun. I almost always got the most trouble and lousy attitude from the yuppie patrons.

[BC]

Parts of Cabrini are still standing. I think it is taking the city longer than they thought to find new homes for the low-income residents and the low-life thugs that make it such a nasty place to live.

I have to agree with you as far as the yuppies being the primary troublemakers. Some of my ex-bartender friends consistently recall about the worst times to be working in bars was right after the Cubs games, when all the drunk yuppies and touristas would stumble out of Wrigley Field and descend on the surrounding northside neighborhoods.

[Iain]

Try politely to calm them down until they give you a half-decent opening, and then hurt them. It was my pat response for both 'the customers' at work and is still my response for run-of-the-mill, free range jackasses. If they're young or exceedingly 'sobriety impaired' and you don't really want to hurt them, I simply used to scream orders at the top of my lungs and hope for a response. Bearing in mind that when I scream it sounds like I'm being skinned-alive by demons, this worked fairly well. Just don't sit there in a verbal mud-slinging contest while bozo -or one of his buddies- trys to get up the gander to hit you.