Romance...and Valentine's Day-sorta....

[elder999]

With Valentine’s Day tomorrow, a topic that is inevitably met with a rant from Harvey about the “greeting card/jewelry/candy/lingerie” cabal, and the machinations of the female of the species, I thought romance might be qood topic ,but before I get started on romance, I have to ask if we’re still allowed to say “Happy Valentine’s Day”? Is it likely to offend anyone? The Elbownian Community doesn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day. Should we say, “Happy Holiday”? But, what if someone is not feeling so well? Instead of “Happy Holiday”, should we say “So-so Holiday”? Is it insensitive to send someone a Valentine card? Would it be intolerant to give someone a box of chocolates? Should we be more inclusive and offer them peppermints, toffees, caramels, carob, or maybe even a burrito? Personally, I’ve had a hankering lately for some really good Italian gorgonzola, or red chile gorditas from Los Potrillos.

And before we move on to romance, let’s get the bumper stickers out of the way. I’m still waiting for some entrepreneur to print the“one man plus one woman equals divorce” I’ve even got some new ideas for him/her. What about, “one man plus one woman equals Bonnie and Clyde”? Or, “marriage equals Britney Spears and almost anyone”? Or this,“one Clinton plus a party dress equals disaster”? (Do you realize that a $2.98 bottle of Spray-n-Wash could have saved us millions of dollars, and we’d have never heard of Ken Starr? ) My own personal favorite is “Mind Your Own Business”. That says it all.

I believe in romance and romantic love, but I don’t know how to define them. I know what it feels like to have a romantic attachment to someone. I’m quite familiar with what it’s like to be in love. I also know what it’s like to be in love with someone who, for whatever reason, cannot return that devotion. Fortunately, I also have had –and have-the experience of being in love with someone who reflects that back, so that the feeling is mutual. That is quite nice.

I think the problem many people have with the idea of romantic love, or being in love, is that they have a certain set of expectations or thought forms, and if things don’t manifest exactly according to their preconceptions, they despair. I’ve seen it over and over. If you enter a relationship, expecting that the other person is always going to be young, thin and cute, you’re bound to be disappointed. All that is great while it lasts, but, here in this material world, bodies age. They get wrinkles, and start to sag (not me personally, but I’ve heard about that happening to other people). We need to ask ourselves the question, “What are we in love with?” Before you make a commitment to another person, try to be sure that you’re committing to them, not to an idea, or infatuation or fantasy. There is a great Garth Brooks song, ‘Unanswered Prayers”. One of the lines, “Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers”, goes a long way towards expressing how we’re often so much better off when we don’t get what (or whom) we’re infatuated with. On the other hand, a little romantic fantasy, once in a while, never hurt anyone. Thanks, Garth.

It seems that there is something within us that desires the feeling that we’re special to another person. I’ve heard of people having “open relationships”, and “seeing other people”. Undoubtedly, that works for some people. It’s never really worked for me, nor was it something that I wanted as a long-term thing, though I did have some fun experiments in college-one could even be calle djust that:”a long term experiment.” In the past, there were also times I enjoyed being alone, and times I yearned for a one-on-one relationship. I’ve had that now years, and I wouldn’t dream of changing it. For one thing, dating nowadays is akin to trying to picnic in Afghanistan. I think this holds true for everyone. It’s literally a minefield or battlefield. Nobody seems to know what’s expected of him/her. That doesn’t appear to leave much room for romance, does it?

You’d be surprised how often I’m asked what the secret of my relationship is. I’m not aware of any secret, but I have learned a few things in the process. A relationship is seldom what they call “50/50”, give and take. Sometimes, it’s 30/70, sometimes 48/52, or 90/10. It depends on how things develop as we shift, grow and change. Flexibility is a definite asset. So is friendship. We are best friends. We enjoy each other’s company. We’ve learned, through trial and error, when to speak up and when to shut up. Rita has also learned to say those three little, but very, very important words…”You were right” :rolleyes: . I am in the enviable position of knowing that no matter how cold, dark, or scary the world might get, there is one other person who loves and treasures me above all else, and the feeling is mutual. That is a very special blessing to have. I lived many years without it, so that makes my gratitude for it today even deeper.

I know there is such a thing as romance, as romantic love, and as being in love. I’ve been blessed with all three in this lifetime. It is undoubtedly karmic, because I never went consciously looking for it. Perhaps that is why it found me. It seems that whenever we feel desperate, it creates a barrier, an energetic that actually keeps our heart’s desire away. Besides, we have to find ourselves, to be there for ourselves, before we can ever do it for another.

Oh, and Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone!

[Jamie Stokes]

we here down under already have had phase 1 of Valentines day...
phase 2 is the dinners/ boquets / gifts et al tonight after work.

One guy I heard of is going to get an angle grinder from his girlfreind. Nice to know it works both ways.

well, I know a great woman (sadly, moved interstate) whom has a great attitude, cares well, etc etc. She is not built like a supermodel, but I'd rather have a smart, bright cpapble woman/ lady/ lover then a externally pretty and psychologically ugly lady.

Cant remeber who said it, but "fall in love with the woman, not just her smile... :)

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go polish some rough patches off my personality and attitude, so when I meet the women of my dreams, I'm the man of hers.

Enjoy your Valentines day!

JAmie

Oh, for the conspiracy theory nuts, Valentines day was created by the church through a puupet oraganisation to make card writers and florists rich.

[Brian Owens]

I'd like to take this opportunity to remind people what Saint Valentine's Day actually commemorates; a priest who was executed for marrying people against the wishes of the ruling party.

[Prince Loeffler]

I'd like to take this opportunity to remind people what Saint Valentine's Day actually commemorates; a priest who was executed for marrying people against the wishes of the ruling party.

Brian, So true ! Under the rule of Emperor Claudius II Rome was involved in many bloody and unpopular campaigns. Claudius the Cruel was having a difficult time getting soldiers to join his military leagues.

He believed that the reason was that roman men did not want to leave their loves or families. As a result, Claudius cancelled all marriages and engagements in Rome.

The good Saint Valentine was a priest at Rome in the days of Claudius II. He and Saint Marius aided the Christian martyrs and secretly married couples, and for this kind deed Saint Valentine was apprehended and dragged before the Prefect of Rome, who condemned him to be beaten to death with clubs and to have his head cut off. He suffered martyrdom on the 14th day of February, about the year 270.

So what are celebrating again ? :rolleyes:

[Brian Owens]

Brian, So true ! Under the rule of Emperor Claudius II Rome was involved in many bloody and unpopular campaigns. ...The good Saint Valentine was a priest at Rome in the days of Claudius II.
BTW, in 1969 the Roman Catholic Church declared that Saint Valentine's Day was no longer a Holiday, because they couldn't prove that St. Valentius actually lived. It all appears to be a legend. But it's a great legend!

[Prince Loeffler]

BTW, in 1969 the Roman Catholic Church declared that Saint Valentine's Day was no longer a Holiday, because they couldn't prove that St. Valentius actually lived. It all appears to be a legend. But it's a great legend!


Darn the Vatican People ! How come they didn't the darn courtesy and email me this new fact :p I'd like to speak to their manager please... :)

[Bambi]

Saint V's alleged remains rest two miles from me in a church that was once also an aikido dojo. They usual put his container on display today and all :eek:

[Johnny Yuma]

Don't fergit that Arizona became the 48th state on Valentine's Day!

[Shitoryu Dude]

While I had done some minor rants about the fake holiday to people in person, I hadn't actually planned on an E-Budo one. The day is a huge fraud, but it does server the purpose of exposing those psychotic women we should avoid in our lives.

If she isn't happy with a bouquet of flowers purchased at the supermarket, dump her. Any woman that makes too big a deal out of today is a gold-digging princess.

This that you should know about the big day.

1) Florists jack up the prices of roses just for Feb 14

2) Restaurants are full up, increase their prices, require reservations, and are in such a hurry to turn the table over that your service will be substandard.

3) Jewelry stores count on sales for this "holiday" to make their yearly budget. The stock huge quantities of identical crap at huge markups for it.

4) As a general rule, you stand a much better chance of being dumped than getting lucky


What you SHOULD do is plan a nice evening in at home and grill up some steaks. Get a good bottle of wine (get a Merlot or Syrah from Washington, Chateau St. Michelle will do nicely), and some flowers from Costco for the table. Play some Frank Sinatra in the background, dim the lights, and relax. You'll have a far better evening than you would otherwise.

[Prince Loeffler]

While I had done some minor rants about the fake holiday to people in person, I hadn't actually planned on an E-Budo one. The day is a huge fraud, but it does server the purpose of exposing those psychotic women we should avoid in our lives.

If she isn't happy with a bouquet of flowers purchased at the supermarket, dump her. Any woman that makes too big a deal out of today is a gold-digging princess.

This that you should know about the big day.

1) Florists jack up the prices of roses just for Feb 14

2) Restaurants are full up, increase their prices, require reservations, and are in such a hurry to turn the table over that your service will be substandard.

3) Jewelry stores count on sales for this "holiday" to make their yearly budget. The stock huge quantities of identical crap at huge markups for it.

4) As a general rule, you stand a much better chance of being dumped than getting lucky


What you SHOULD do is plan a nice evening in at home and grill up some steaks. Get a good bottle of wine (get a Merlot or Syrah from Washington, Chateau St. Michelle will do nicely), and some flowers from Costco for the table. Play some Frank Sinatra in the background, dim the lights, and relax. You'll have a far better evening than you would otherwise.

Bravo Mr. Moul ! Bravo ! This rant deserves a great standing applause !! :)


.

[Cady Goldfield]

I told my sweetie not to spend money on Valentine's Day... he needs to save up for starting a new business. So he told me he was sending me a box of acorn caps and sweetgum seedballs he collected in the woods. Turns out he threw in some Belgian chocolates in too. Oh well. :D

[MikeWilliams]

What you SHOULD do is plan a nice evening in at home and grill up some steaks. Get a good bottle of wine (get a Merlot or Syrah from Washington, Chateau St. Michelle will do nicely), and some flowers from Costco for the table. Play some Frank Sinatra in the background, dim the lights, and relax. You'll have a far better evening than you would otherwise.

Good lord - an excellent, sympathetic, and dare I say romantic suggestion from Harv.

You're not turning metrosexual on us, are you mate? :p

[ryoishin]

Yep his remains are in dublin.

Its pretty cool. couples who are getting married get a blessing infront of his shrine. Theres a good "feeling" from it. (dont mean to sound cheesey).

see http://www.carmelites.ie/Ireland/Whitefriar%20St/valentine.htm for stuff on his life etc.

Sorry i did nt summerise it but theres a samurai thing on the bbc that i want to watch.

Slan

John Timmons
Son of Ironfist
Ryoshin Dojo
Dublin
Ireland

[Inazuma]

What you SHOULD do is plan a nice evening in at home and grill up some steaks. Get a good bottle of wine (get a Merlot or Syrah from Washington, Chateau St. Michelle will do nicely), and some flowers from Costco for the table. Play some Frank Sinatra in the background, dim the lights, and relax. You'll have a far better evening than you would otherwise.

That's almost exectly what I did, only with coffee instead of wine, and I played Final Fantasy (ps2 games for those who aren't gamers :) ) instead of Sinatra. And... um, now that I think about it my wife did kinda looked annoyed :)

No but seriously, why do you need a special day to show love for one another? There's enough time in every day (and mostly on days off work), even if it is just an hour of spending time together, to be romantic. And making up a 'special day' so you'd HAVE to show your partner how much you love her/him (mostly by spending wayyyyy mucho dinaro), doesn't it seem, I don't know, strange? forced? somewhat duplicitous? (look honey, I don't really care about you any other day of the year, but here's some flowers for Valantine's day... I had an acquaintance who used to be like that).
Well, that's my rave about the whole fiasco, don't take it too seriously, and I wish all you young lovers (and older ones) a romantic Valantine's! (even though it was yesterday :) )

(By the way, what are the origins of Valantine, any body knows?)

[Jamie Stokes]

I used to give my beloved flowers every 5 weeks or so, just because.

I refused to give flowers if I had got it wrong.

I dislike the idea of giving my significant other the thought process that "Flowers = what has Jamie done wrong now"

But, for everyone else who isnt as forward thinking, well, perhaps one day a year to be reminded isnt that harsh.

Like christmas, time of goodwill......
(looking forward to Harveys viewpoint on that too. early submissions welcome) :D

Jamie.

PS anyone have to sleep on the couch because they forgot?

[william northcote]

Well Valentine day is over. Good riddance to a over hyped, commercial day. The only day of the year we get to buy flowers and show affection. And yet we do not do it for the other 364 other days.

The only thing we have to look forward now is getting smashed out of our face on Guiness on St. Patricks day and going Au Naturale at Stonehenge at Midsummers (well someone has to scare them freaky pagans :D )

[Prince Loeffler]

Well Valentine day is over. Good riddance to a over hyped, commercial day. The only day of the year we get to buy flowers and show affection. And yet we do not do it for the other 364 other days.

The only thing we have to look forward now is getting smashed out of our face on Guiness on St. Patricks day and going Au Naturale at Stonehenge at Midsummers (well someone has to scare them freaky pagans :D )

Lucky you ! Very lucky indeed !.... :) :)

[cherry]

Well Valentine day is over. Good riddance to a over hyped, commercial day. The only day of the year we get to buy flowers and show affection. And yet we do not do it for the other 364 other days.

The only thing we have to look forward now is getting smashed out of our face on Guiness on St. Patricks day and going Au Naturale at Stonehenge at Midsummers (well someone has to scare them freaky pagans :D )

It may be an over hyped day, but alot of people don't remember the importance of telling the people we love, that we care about them, it usually takes disasters or valentines day, to remind them. if you had a girlfriend would you really show them every day of the year how much they meant to you? most people are so busy worrying about work, bills and other things that romance goes completely out of the window, so i think it's lovely to be reminded that we should all show a little bit more love and attention to each other :)

[Brian Owens]

...What you SHOULD do is plan a nice evening in at home and grill up some steaks. Get a good bottle of wine (get a Merlot or Syrah from Washington, Chateau St. Michelle will do nicely), and some flowers from Costco for the table. Play some Frank Sinatra in the background, dim the lights, and relax. You'll have a far better evening than you would otherwise.

Good lord - an excellent, sympathetic, and dare I say romantic suggestion from Harv.

You're not turning metrosexual on us, are you mate? :p
Note that Harvey mentioned nothing about another person sharing his steaks and Merlot. ;)

[Shitoryu Dude]

Bwaaaaa-ahahahahahahahahahahah!

Snort!

OK - assuming that you didn't share the steak, wine, flowers, and mood music, you're still having a romantic dinner with someone you love :cool:

[Prince Loeffler]

Well, this is how my valentines went .... :)
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-1176059812985535666

[NickR]

Valentines day IMHO is a nice excuse to do something a little different from the Normal day to day routine to show your love and appreciation to someone else.

Last night my wife cooked a nice curry dinner for me whilst I was out at Jitsu.
Came home to a candle lit dinner. She even went to the effort of making some cocktails instead of the normal beer I drink (nice bitter but not too strong/sweet citrus thing).

This was a nice suprise as I normally cook through the week. Also a excuse to crack open a bottle of Baileys after and watched a romantic comedy (best compromise we could find).

Should be about the thought and not about spending ££/$$.
The only thing that cost extra was the cards we got each other and the baileys.

She did'nt find it funny when she thought I was leaning over to kiss her, I was leaning over to fart (curry does that to me) !

[K. Cantwell]

The way I see it, we're getting ready for the doldrums of March and the run towards spring. We're also just getting over the holiday hangover, so a spot of something special in the calendar is welcome.

It could have been a holiday about something else, but I don't see anything wrong with a celebration of love. I can understand having a problem with the commercialization, but I enjoy the concept. You don't have to buy chocolates anymore than you have to set off fireworks on the 4th or eat turkey on Thanksgiving. Participation is totally up to you.

Holidays are there to make the trip around the sun a bit more interesting for us. They also make us stop and take notice of what a particular culture deems to be of importance. We all try to let our families know how much we love them every day. You don't necessarily need a special day to tell your wife you love her. I don't think that is what the day is really about. It's simply a cultural affirmation of the importance of relationships. The more cynical among us will say it's about Hallmark and chocolate and other mundane trappings, and that is what it has become. (Even love is a product.) That is a valid, if somewhat depressing view to hold. However, I think the idea of our society setting aside a special day for the express purpose of extolling love is laudable. Individuals will make of it what they will, but that is how I see the day.

Kevin Cantwell

[Cady Goldfield]

Bwaaaaa-ahahahahahahahahahahah!

Snort!

OK - assuming that you didn't share the steak, wine, flowers, and mood music, you're still having a romantic dinner with someone you love :cool:

Don't forget the lambskin glove and warm massage oil... :D

[Neil Yamamoto]

Both my girlfriend and I think Valentines Day is a crock like most of us all agree. However, this year, we did something. I gave my girlfriend a dozen roses, I think they are called yellow antique or something, and a DVD, Saw II. She thought the DVD was pretty funny and loved the roses.

She gave me a bottle of 10 year old Abelour.

The dog got a long walk, dinner, and a couple cookies.

We think it's a card makers dream for cash flow, so we don't buy cards, had dinner at a friend's restaurant and relaxed. There was a wedding party going on there. Very romantic, getting married on Valentines Day.

The bride was not attractive, looked like a couple large scoops of macaroni salad stuffed in a wedding dress, she was very pregnant. The groom was a large man too, looked like a huge pit bull with Ronald McDonald hair in a tux.

Best of all was their truck, it was a huge pick up with the large raised wheels and looked like something from a picture from Jeff Foxworthy's red neck yard of the week.

Why did we go out and do anything? Well, we were both tired and ready for a bit of fun. And it's one of the best people watching nights ever. Couples in all degrees of interaction, from sweet romanctic interludes to some nice bickering scenes. The wedding party was quite entertaining for us as a bonus.

So, with the right attitude, mainly one of amusement, it's not a bad day at all.

[Maro]

I was away for work - shame :)

[william northcote]

She did'nt find it funny when she thought I was leaning over to kiss her, I was leaning over to fart (curry does that to me) !

Too much info.

[Brian Owens]

...Holidays are there to make the trip around the sun a bit more interesting for us. They also make us stop and take notice of what a particular culture deems to be of importance.
That was beautiful. Seriously.

I couldn't have said better.