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Thread: How does one bow out gracefully?

  1. #1
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    Default How does one bow out gracefully?

    When I was a practising Kenshi, I was a little obsessed. I'm sure you all know how that can feel. I trained at my local club twice a week (on a Tuesday night from 20:00 until after midnight, then again on Friday from 18:00 until late). I started training on Saturdays at the club where Black-Belt kenshi could receive extra attention. I took on some of the club paperwork and offered my help at the Children's classes. It was nothing that you haven't seen around you in your own training environment, I daresay.

    But it was getting a little beyond living half for oneself and half for others. The balance that Kaiso would have stressed, had started to disappear from my life. Work drifted, without aim. Social life reduced to the Kempo gatherings. My focus narrowed until I was living the Kempo life 24/7.

    All of that was fine until I met a young lady...

    "Aaaahhhhh", I hear you say. "How many times have I heard THAT one!".


    You can guess the rest. I was torn between my old single-life/single-focus, and my new responsibilities as a partner in a relationship of equals. I tried to maintain the balance and my partner strived to support me, but new situations bring new challenges and I realised that my priorities had to change. I needed to get a better job, move out of my parent's house, build a stable future and mature as a being.

    My departure from my local club was not planned, it wasn't kind and I wish I could have found a better way to bow out gracefully. I felt guilty for letting down my Sensei, guilty about disappointing those who may have looked up to me... and also angry at myself for not having understood my partner's needs until she had become quite ill.


    Fifteen years on, and I still think about SK. I wonder about the people and fondly remember the training. I can manage to remember Tenchi-ken 1-4 ok, but 5 and 6 are a hopeless mess (as I hobble around in my bathrobe, bumping into the WC). I look up the website and see old names and faces, who have apparently acheived dizzying heights in their kempo development. I am jealous ... yet proud to have been present at the early stages (I'm thinking of a Junior who I taught when he was maybe 11, now a third dan).


    So my question is;

    How can anyone stop Shorinji Kempo? I last trained more than 15 years ago, but I still haven't stopped thinking SK. Or did I just answer my own question! Kaiso might have been pleased to hear that his teachings can have such a lasting effect. I am always thinking of the huge positive influence that my Sensei had on me. When he thinks of all the kenshi that have come and gone, over the years, I hope he realises that he has helped to make us all better people. He can be proud of that.

    And if any of you that read this, are currently teaching somewhere then take a moment. This moment. To contemplate and remember all those faces that came through the Dojo doors but who haven't been seen for a while. They came for all sorts of reasons, and left for all sorts of reasons, but they will all have learned from their time in the Dojo. You can be proud of yourself. A lost pupil is not a complete failure, if they have been given an ounce of Kaiso's wisdom, then the world will be better for it.



    Apologies for the lengthy post, but I've been thinking a bit.
    David Noble
    Shorinji Kempo (1983 - 1988)
    I'll think of a proper sig when I get a minute...

    For now, I'm just waiting for the smack of the Bo against a hard wooden floor....

  2. #2
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    Default Long time no see

    David,

    I haven't looked at this site for a long time but was glad I did. Good to hear from you again after all this time. I wondered where you ended up. A nice post and all too true.... I assume that the junior you are refering to is me, or Joe Collis. Yes, we are both still at Abbey training...the only ones left from the junior class. Indeed, only us, John O'Donnell and Cheung remain from the adults class, although the rest aren't too far away.

    We still manage to keep in contact with most of the old lot (David Marshall, Linda Helm etc.), and get the occasional visit from some old faces. Most drifted away, like yourself, due to family or work commitments. Some left under a dark cloud...and didn't manage to bow out so gracefully.

    We (the juniors) all missed you when you left, as the start of our kempo careers were influenced by you as much as Sensei Jee. So, in response, I don't think there is a way to always bow out gracefully, if indeed you do. If a solution cannot be found then it has to be done...I'm sure most kenshi have been at that stage at one point in time and either survived or moved on. When I lived in Japan I would often meet ex-kenshi and the bond to Kempo still remained (like one who was a barman who would give me free drinks!).

    Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is that it goes both ways. Your life was eternally touched by Kempo, and Kempo was eternally touched by you. Otherwise people like Joe and myself wouldn't still be doing it today.

    Check out our website on www.abbeydojo.co.uk or drop me an e-mail if you want to chat more.

    Best Regards
    Cailey Barker
    Bushin

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    Hi Cailey, yes your name and Joe's were instantly recognisable. I saw the BSKF website and saw Joe's name as Instructor for the Juniors and that brilliant article you wrote about an extended stay in Japan.

    I am in awe at your successes. Very impressive. I'm sure that this is mirrored in your private life (Neurosurgeon, Rocket Scientist, Double-Glazing Salesman ). It is the sort of Kempo career that I would have liked for myself, that's for sure.

    It is an obvious fact, but easily overlooked: You'll meet a lot of people in Kempo, but the vast majority will leave, in time. The hard part must be maintaining belief, trusting in the essential value of Kaiso's teachings. Even the "lost" students will have had that chance to have their lives changed by Kongo Zen. Most of them will never be able to give you that feedback... but I can speak from experience, I've never got SK out of my mind. I DO feel that I am a better person for the experiences I had in SK.

    I was lucky enough to be Assistant Instructor at the Abbey Dojo, and regularly took the juniors through their paces. The satisfaction of helping juniors to master the techniques must be one of the simplest yet heartwarming experiences. I certainly struggled with the decision to quit the club... for years afterwards. MY reasons are complicated and I shan't go into them now, but the same process is probably true for a great number of those kenshi who are no longer around. A lot of thought, a lot of heartache and finally a substantial amount of guilt. I think it must be the "lasting regret" that makes so many people leave with a sudden, "clean" break. People can't face up to their own feelings when they come back for a visit. It just HAS to be a complete separation.

    Well done, again, to all those survivors who have found the way for themselves. The way to blend an SK career with a life outside, is perhaps the hardest technique of all to master. would you agree?
    David Noble
    Shorinji Kempo (1983 - 1988)
    I'll think of a proper sig when I get a minute...

    For now, I'm just waiting for the smack of the Bo against a hard wooden floor....

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    Default

    Hi David
    Are you going to start training again?

    Christophe Dillinger
    Do the right thing, not the easy thing

    Christophe Dillinger

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    If my home circumstances change drastically, I would like to think I could make it possible to train again some day. As it stands, that looks increasingly unlikely. I can dream, but for the time-being, I am left to "sit on the sidelines" and reminisce of the days long ago when I was "on the field".

    Wow, a thread from 2002. And I thought I was one for digging up old threads!!
    David Noble
    Shorinji Kempo (1983 - 1988)
    I'll think of a proper sig when I get a minute...

    For now, I'm just waiting for the smack of the Bo against a hard wooden floor....

  6. #6
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    Lightbulb I caught him

    Dear All

    Gassho

    Shorinji Kempo is inescapable, once it's in your blood it's there forever.

    I am reminded of one of my favourite quotes from Brideshead Revisted:

    "I caught him with an unseen hook and an invisible line which is long enough to let him wander to the ends of the world and still to bring him back with a twitch upon the thread."

    That's Shorinji Kempo, you can take the kenshi out of the Shorinji kempo dojo but you can't take Shorinji Kempo out of the kenshi.

    Even if I stopped tomorrow I would still be Shorinji, it affects and has an effect on everything I do, say and am.

    I know Dave, he's good kenshi, he's just not in a dojo at the moment which is a shame.

    But he's still kenshi, still Shorinji, because the hook is in his lip.

    Kesshu
    A man with small testes should never get involved in a fight requiring cojones

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    Thank you Ade. I am touched. Your words mean a lot to me.

    The hook part is right on the money.



    It is a VERY old thread... yet, perversely perhaps, I'm still here. That probably says something, doesn't it. Not too sure what, but it says something.
    David Noble
    Shorinji Kempo (1983 - 1988)
    I'll think of a proper sig when I get a minute...

    For now, I'm just waiting for the smack of the Bo against a hard wooden floor....

  8. #8
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    The ideal way to bow out is to reduce commitments to the point where nobody is depending upon you and then stop at that point. That is effectively what happened when I closed the Northampton Branch. The point had been reached where I had Dan grade students who could, if they wished, continue with the Branch and Kyu grade ones who could make alternative training arrangement. It was just fortuitous that this point arrived when I was spending more time out of the country. Now I just train for fun and fitness - but not the 5x per week like I did in the beginning.

    Dirk

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    Thread drift I know and I'm sorry but...

    Quote Originally Posted by Ade View Post
    I am reminded of one of my favourite quotes from Brideshead Revisted:

    "I caught him with an unseen hook and an invisible line which is long enough to let him wander to the ends of the world and still to bring him back with a twitch upon the thread."
    Now what's a big fella like you doing watching Merchant Ivory chick stuff?
    I'm giving you the benifit here, and assuming you had to watch it with your better half to acrue brownie points, in order to get you out to a Shorinji seminar. Please don't tell me you READ it! Not when there is a new SAS adventure book out nearely every month.
    Sean Dixie

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    On a serious note I think Dirk says it right from an instructor point of view. From the standpoint of the average kenshi, then I guess it's up to the individual. As Ade says though, Shorinji just gets you and then it's there for life.
    Sean Dixie

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    Wink Et in Arcadia ego

    Quote Originally Posted by sean dixie View Post
    Now what's a big fella like you doing watching Merchant Ivory chick stuff?
    Dear All

    Gassho

    I am an erudite and educated classical scholar who studied Brideshead, the actual book, for "A" level.

    To quote Wiki:

    Brideshead Revisited, The Sacred & Profane Memories of Captain Charles Ryder is a novel by the English writer Evelyn Waugh, first published in 1945. Waugh wrote that the novel "deals with what is theologically termed 'the operation of Grace', that is to say, the unmerited and unilateral act of love by which God continually calls souls to Himself". This is achieved by an examination of the aristocratic Flyte family, as seen by the narrator, Charles Ryder.

    I disliked the books central theme (if you're a Catholic you can do anything and get away with it by repenting on your death bed so come on everyone be a Catholic it's great) but loved the exploration of a young man forming relationships as he grows up.

    There are some lovely quotes in it, this one happens to fit Shorinji perfectly.

    Here's another I use frequently that causes moral approbrium;

    "I'm sorry, I know it must be embarrassing for you, but i happen to like this bad set. I like getting drunk at luncheon, and though I haven't yet spent quite double my allowance, I undoubtedly shall before the end of term. I usually have a glass of champagne about this time. will you join me?"

    Not just macho....also deep.

    Kesshu
    A man with small testes should never get involved in a fight requiring cojones

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ade View Post
    I am an erudite and educated classical scholar who studied Brideshead, the actual book, for "A" level.
    You sound like a big girls blouse to me!

    You want a quote? I got millions* Try this for classical scholars;**

    “When there is freedom from mechanical conditioning, there is simplicity. The classical man is just a bundle of routine, ideas and tradition. If you follow the classical pattern, you are understanding the routine, the tradition, the shadow - you are not understanding yourself.”



    * I'm on the internet
    **Googled "classical quotes" and a Bruce Lee quote came up first! I know, I'm a fraud....
    Sean Dixie

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    Talking Quotes?

    Dear All

    Gassho

    Sean I'm gonna get you and dress you up like Barbie.

    Bruce Lee, got all his books, quotes? my favourite:

    "Forget about winning and losing; forget about pride and pain. Let your opponent graze your skin and you smash into his flesh; let him smash into your flesh and you fracture his bones; let him fracture your bones and you take his life. Do not be concerned with escaping safely - lay your life before him."

    Now...do you want the pink tutu or the pale blue? (Sunday can't come soon enough.)


    Kesshu
    A man with small testes should never get involved in a fight requiring cojones

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    Don't let the thread drift too far guys....... why not open a new thread....
    Steve Williams

    Harrow Branch.
    Shorinji Kempo UK.
    www.ukskf.org




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    Quote Originally Posted by dirk.bruere View Post
    The ideal way to bow out is to reduce commitments to the point where nobody is depending upon you and then stop at that point. That is effectively what happened when I closed the Northampton Branch. The point had been reached where I had Dan grade students who could, if they wished, continue with the Branch and Kyu grade ones who could make alternative training arrangement. It was just fortuitous that this point arrived when I was spending more time out of the country. Now I just train for fun and fitness - but not the 5x per week like I did in the beginning.

    Dirk
    Another approach, if in a leading position, is to develop a susccession plan well in advance. Advise the senior kenshi well in advance and appraise their commitment to take on a leadership role. Select (or let circumstances do so) a successor and gradually train him for the position. Keep the senior kenshi in the loop and deal with issues that arise in an empathetic way.
    Robert Gassin
    Melbourne ShorinjiKempo Branch
    Australia

    "Never fight an idiot. He'll bring you down to his level and then beat you with experience"

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