How does one bow out gracefully?
When I was a practising Kenshi, I was a little obsessed. I'm sure you all know how that can feel. I trained at my local club twice a week (on a Tuesday night from 20:00 until after midnight, then again on Friday from 18:00 until late). I started training on Saturdays at the club where Black-Belt kenshi could receive extra attention. I took on some of the club paperwork and offered my help at the Children's classes. It was nothing that you haven't seen around you in your own training environment, I daresay.
But it was getting a little beyond living half for oneself and half for others. The balance that Kaiso would have stressed, had started to disappear from my life. Work drifted, without aim. Social life reduced to the Kempo gatherings. My focus narrowed until I was living the Kempo life 24/7.
All of that was fine until I met a young lady...
"Aaaahhhhh", I hear you say. "How many times have I heard THAT one!".
You can guess the rest. I was torn between my old single-life/single-focus, and my new responsibilities as a partner in a relationship of equals. I tried to maintain the balance and my partner strived to support me, but new situations bring new challenges and I realised that my priorities had to change. I needed to get a better job, move out of my parent's house, build a stable future and mature as a being.
My departure from my local club was not planned, it wasn't kind and I wish I could have found a better way to bow out gracefully. I felt guilty for letting down my Sensei, guilty about disappointing those who may have looked up to me... and also angry at myself for not having understood my partner's needs until she had become quite ill.
Fifteen years on, and I still think about SK. I wonder about the people and fondly remember the training. I can manage to remember Tenchi-ken 1-4 ok, but 5 and 6 are a hopeless mess (as I hobble around in my bathrobe, bumping into the WC). I look up the website and see old names and faces, who have apparently acheived dizzying heights in their kempo development. I am jealous ... yet proud to have been present at the early stages (I'm thinking of a Junior who I taught when he was maybe 11, now a third dan).
So my question is;
How can anyone stop Shorinji Kempo? I last trained more than 15 years ago, but I still haven't stopped thinking SK. Or did I just answer my own question! Kaiso might have been pleased to hear that his teachings can have such a lasting effect. I am always thinking of the huge positive influence that my Sensei had on me. When he thinks of all the kenshi that have come and gone, over the years, I hope he realises that he has helped to make us all better people. He can be proud of that.
And if any of you that read this, are currently teaching somewhere then take a moment. This moment. To contemplate and remember all those faces that came through the Dojo doors but who haven't been seen for a while. They came for all sorts of reasons, and left for all sorts of reasons, but they will all have learned from their time in the Dojo. You can be proud of yourself. A lost pupil is not a complete failure, if they have been given an ounce of Kaiso's wisdom, then the world will be better for it.
Apologies for the lengthy post, but I've been thinking a bit.
David Noble
Shorinji Kempo (1983 - 1988)
I'll think of a proper sig when I get a minute...
For now, I'm just waiting for the smack of the Bo against a hard wooden floor....