My Favorite Tough Guy

[joe yang]

My favorite tough guy doesn't meet anyone's definition of tough guy. But he is really tough.

He is 5'1", 110lbs, in his mid twenties. He is a drunk. He holds the record for the number of committments in jail. He has been locked up 53 times, to date. Usually he gets locked up on Public Drunkeness charges. He sleeps it off, and gets out the next day. He did a couple of longer stretches for Driving Under the Influence, till he lost his license. Now he walks every where, which is his problem. He can't help but go off at the sight of a squad car. Not good when he's walking home, in the middle of the road, late at night.

He has been banned from every bar in the county, except the local bowling lane. No one ever drinks at the bar, so he can't pick fights. And pick fights is what he does. It's funny, he can't fight. He doesn't fight. He just thrashes and struggles. But what a handfull.

Dragging him out of a squad car is like trying to stuff a cat in a box. Moving him to a cell is like dribbling a ball. Throw him down and he bounces back up. We have to lock him behind a glass door. And then he stands at the door, bouncing his head off the glass and yelling "bring it on". He keeps it up for hours, till he nods off.

In the morning, it's like nothing ever happened. He's just a typical knucklehead. It will catch up to him some day.

[Shitoryu Dude]

I'd be surprised if he sees his mid-30's. People like that usually manage to find their end before 30. If one of his fights doesn't kill him, then his liver probobly will.

[joe yang]

Probably right Harvey, but there are couple other scenarios. One, he gets hit by a car, walking home in the dark. Two, he pickles enough brain cells, he becomes a walking zombie, too shot out to get in much trouble. He becomes life long day labor, a career dishwasher, and lingers for ever, sleeping in doorways and under bridges.

[Charlie Kondek]

Screw you guys. I can take any man here and I don't need a damn car to get around.

[Shitoryu Dude]

Well, there seems to be a demand for day labor most places. Perhaps he'll find a nice piece of agricultural equipment shoved through his guts one day?

C'mon Chuck, sounds like you're trying to compensate for that bad haircut Now, get back on the bus and go home before I sic Tony on you.

[Kimpatsu]

...is Bruce B.
Lunacy in one handy, ready-for-the-rapture package. For him, physics has no fizz, chemistry has no chem, and biology is a washing powder for getting out that ingrained dirt. Magnetised wrist bands repel disease and ward off evil spirits. (Pity it does nothing to improve the coherency of his posts.) We knock down his arguments (which he sees as a personal attack; after all, we should all agree with him. We just should, that's all.), and he bounces right back up again, spouting the same drivel as before. He knows no fear of ridicule.
A definite tough guy.

[Gene Williams]

Nathan Bedford Forrest, Confederate Cavalry General who, in one skirmish, had two horses shot from under him, re- mounted while firing both times, then grabbed up a Union officer and used him as a shield while riding off the field under fire. Also, Sam Houston who, at San Jacinto, was attempting to pull a wounded Mexican drummer boy to safety from the heat of the battle. One of Houston's men bayoneted the Mexican while Houston was holding him. Houston replied, "Sir, I admire your fighting spirit, but God damn your manners." Gene

[joe yang]

God damn your manners

Comments?

[Kimpatsu]

Just remember, Joe, "god" is a three-letter word.

[joe yang]

Just remember Tony, dogi spelled backwards is I god.

[Kimpatsu]

Originally posted by joe yang
Just remember Tony, dogi spelled backwards is I god.

Thereby proving that I, as the only e-budoka insistent upon correct use of the word "dogi", am indeed god.
Bow down and worship me, Joe.

[Shitoryu Dude]

My favorite tough guy is General George S. Patton.

If anybody wants, I can post his speech to his troops on the day before D-Day. The movie version was rather cleaned up from the original.

[Kimpatsu]

Oh, yes! How could I forget Patton: "Don't die for your country; make the other bastard die for his instead". Great one-liner.

[PeteBoyes]

The English front row during a match between Ireland and England.

The guy in the middle has to be tough since everyone calls him a hooker.

[Kimpatsu]

Pete, do you remember that commercial for I think it was Adidas, which gave the combined statistics for the England rugby team? "They weigh 12 tons, they measure 25 metres in height..."; that sort of thing? Another five minutes of endless fun for the intellectually challenged, like me...