How to shoot yourself in the foot

[tmanifold]

Old thread I ran into again on another forum. I have seen it in other places and it has been added to from the original. The American Kenpo addition is actually mine, which I think is pretty cool.

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Karate:
You shoot yourself in the foot.

Taekwondo:
You shoot yourself in the foot, which is located 6 ft. above ground level at that time.

Judo:
You shoot a softball at your foot. This is so much fun that you take it into your daily training routine. After a Japanese term is found it is incorporated into the curriculum at blue belt level.

Hapkido:
You try to shoot yourself in the foot while performing an elegant circular movement. You will get hurt in any case. The chance of getting a gunshot wound is about 50%, thus being equal to the chance of spraining your joints.

Wing Tsun (Leung Ting):
You hear that this technique belongs to an advanced part of the curriculum. You spend the rest of your life with expensive seminars that are supposed to prepare you for the aforementioned part.

Wing Chun (William Cheung):
You shoot yourself in the foot. Nobody has heard the shot and no wounds are visible which is exactly your intention. There will be no indicators of an injury until the next two weeks have passed because this is a Dim Mak technique.

Ving Tsun (Wong):
You shoot yourself in the foot. Because of your extremely stable low stance the bullet penetrates your calf, your knee and your shin. You fall on your face and lose your teeth. For the rest of your life you show your injuries as evidences of your style's efficacy.

Tai Chi:
You practice to draw and shoot in one single fluid movement. After years of constant training you become one with your weapon but you have forgotten what to do with it.

Iaido:
You practice to draw and shoot in one single fluid movement. You then spend the rest of your life imagining how the sound of a shot that is heard by nobody differs from the sound of a one-handed hand-clapping (during the peach harvest in Kyoto).

Shaolin Kung Fu:
You develop 108 different movements to draw the weapon together with 108 corresponding stances. However, you refrain from the actual shooting for religious reasons.

BJJ:
First you build an octagonal cage. There you shoot yourself in the foot in front of a paying audience. You offer a prize to anybody who can shoot bigger holes in more feet with fewer bullets.

Aikido:
You miss your foot by about 40 cm. You then spend the rest of your life trying to change the position of your hand while pressing the trigger so that the bullet describes a circular path that ends up in your foot.

Boxing:
During training you have difficulties manipulating the trigger while wearing gloves. The shooting is postponed 6 times because of injuries and finally cancelled because the pistol doesn't belong to any major boxing federation.

Krav Maga:
You shoot off every single toe with a sub-machinegun. Then you switch to automatic fire and separate both feet from the legs with carefully aimed bursts. To make sure they're really gone you jump on top of an Arabian anti-personnel mine.

Capoeira:
You try to shoot yourself in the foot but miss on the first try. After the 40th reload you realize that you didn't actually learn a martial art and shoot yourself in the head.

Iron Palm kung fu:
You soon realize that you won't be able to shoot yourself daily in the leg without proper training. You spend the rest of your life on a quest make your leg bulletproof by hitting it with various objects.

Ryukyu Kempo:
You carefully pick a spot and shoot yourself once in the leg. Your left ear muscles are instantly paralyzed. You're happy because the technique worked exactly as you thought it would, and it's obviously superior to Karate leg-shooting technique.

Hikuta:
You shoot your leg the way the pharaohs did in ancient times. You find it a bit difficult because you don't tense the trigger finger at all. When the gun eventually fires, the bullet misses your foot, but that is quite irrelevant.

American Kenpo:
You attempt to shoot yourself in the foot. An 8th degree blackbelt stops you saying that's not the way GM parker would have done it. He attempts to show you the way when another 8th+ blackbelt comes and up and tells the first one he isn't doing it way GM parker would have done it either. An argument ensues and 15 other 8th+ blackbelt come over and get involved. End result nobody gets shot in the foot.

[Shitoryu Dude]

Boy, you really do know your IKKA Kenpo

You forgot the point at which all the black belts declare themselves to be a Grandmaster and are the only legitimate heir to Parker's style.

[Kolschey]

Kendo:

The feet, arms, legs, and hip are determined to be off-limits for shooting, due to the number of injuries that occurred in the training sessions held circa 1890-1945. Now, you may only use a single shot rubber dart pistol in private training if your sensei approves it after eight years of training with the shinai. You must advance with the dart gun held fimly outstretched in the right hand, with your left hand secured to your hip. The only legitimate target is the center of the chest. You must fire with your right foot leading as you kick off with the left foot, and the shot will not be counted if you do not kiai and follow through after the shot. Most judges will still deny you the point if your opponent scores a Men strike at any time, even after the dart hits and sticks firmly to their Tare...

[Tripitaka of AA]

Shorinji Kempo: With a technique that fits perfectly into the range of normal movement, you aim the pistol, tense the trigger... and hold. Healthy Mind, Healthy Body, and Self Defence. You don't harm yourself or others, but you get to practice some spectacular techniques and wear a nice robe

[william northcote]

Ehhh!!!! No ninjutsu foot shooting?

There has to be a foot shot out of respect of Ashida Kim.

[Soulend]

Hehe...I was trying to come up with a ninja foot shooting being the origin of the tabi

[william northcote]

Well if a ninja has to shoot himself in the foot, he will need a silencer and loads of will power to not scream lol

[larsen_huw]

Surely the ninja can't shoot himself in the foot, because his foot is too well hidden!

[william northcote]

good point unless it is the infamous Fuma Ryu.

RED NINJA hehehehe well at least you can not see the blood, only the look of pain in their eyes lol

[StanLee]

I thought that it was Ki that shot through the foot in aikido?

[Chuck Munyon]

Dux Ryu Ninjutsu:
You tell everyone that you have shot yourself in the foot in a spectacular display that was unfortunately witnessed only by anonymous grandmasters of secret organizations. The fact that there is no scarring only confirms in their minds what a powerful individual you are. THey make a movie about you.

[Tripitaka of AA]

In a Bruce Lee Movie Style;
You stare intently at the opposite wall, shriek like a throttled Rooster, tense every known muscle of the body and then contort your face in an agonising grimace of fury so that you look like Joan Rivers having an orgasm. The foot strike was so quick that no-one noticed it until the video came out, but a bloke in the West Midlands reckons that he can do it faster.

[Tripitaka of AA]

Tokyo Basho Style:
Slap your thigh, throw salt in the air, crouch down and look with menace at your foot... then get up, swagger off to the salt pot and start all over again. Finally get down to the shooting when the old fellow with the hat twists his fan to "start" position.

[Tripitaka of AA]

Monks of the PROC Wushu "Shaolin" temple style:
Two six-year-old boys stand on either side holding a perfect side-splits and staring ahead like robots. A bare-chested Monk trundles across the stage pulling a Grass-Roller which is tied to his testicles. Two more bare-chested Monks somersault across the stage pretending to be a Frog and a Leprechaun. Finally the Abbot Monk is carried forward on the points of half a dozen short spears. He strikes a pose from the Ancient Southern Mantis style and in a traditional skill practised for hundreds of years since Bodhidharma first brought the martial training to the Hunan Temple... he fires a Smith & Wesson Police Special .38 into his cloth-wrapped Nike Trainers.

[Tripitaka of AA]

WWF style:
Grab the microphone from the TV Presenter (which fortuitously has enough slack to wander all across the ring, to address the whole audience - or at least the two sides which have an audience and the two sides with cameras), yell and shout threats and insults to all the other opponents. Shoot yourself in the foot then proceed to stagger around the ring for three more laps before sitting down more heavily than anyone has ever thrown you, to sob uncontrollably until your 6'3" blonde bimbo manager with improbably large breasts takes you to her chest to comfort you.