My Own Howard Dean Moment

[Dave Lowry]

All,
Extensively and mercifully edited, the following is a message of the sort I recently received, along with a response triggered by, well, too, too many of these sorts of messages of late:

Sensei Lowry (sic),
I seek instruction in the Way of the Sword. I possess no name. I possess no desire for profit or gain. I have only my body and my spirit, both of which I seek to polish and perfect, like the kattana (sic) I wield. My quest is that of warriors of every generation and every time. I will be greatful [sic] if you can assist me in finding this Path. Few can. I know. I am one who seems destined to have the Way of the sword as the guide for my Life’s Journey.
[Signed] A Follower of the Four Winds

Dear Mr. Follower of the Four Winds,
Were it possible to winnow the correspondence of those here at e-budo who have, say, twenty years or more experience in a legitimate, serious budo, you would find the following fact emerges:

All of us have names. Real names. The ones we use to sign our contributions here. Not ludicrous avatars like “Cyber-samurai,” “Kensei,” or “Dharma-dude.” Or “Follower of the Four Winds.” You would find too, that we do not decorate our signatures with epigrams and solecisms. We do not bedeck our correspondence with juvenile smiley-face doo-dads more appropriate to remarking the scholarly accomplishments of primary schoolers. That is because we are adults, less interested in getting attention and more concerned with having ideas worthwhile to say and share and question. That is why our writing tends to be more in English and less in soi-disant runic, like yours.

You have a name. It is the one used by your third-hour Mathematics teacher to refer to you, because you are, in all likelihood, about sixteen years old. An adolescent. Tough time to be an adolescent, I realise. Particularly because ours is an era where that state of maturation or lack thereof is indulged to continue well past the age when your great-grandparents were assuming the responsibilities of a mortgage, children, and in preserving Western civilisation from the predators of an Axis that threatened it.

Your self-mythologizing letter is indicative of the age in which we now live, one where the pretentious gasbaggery of a Maya Angelou is mistaken for serious literature, a time when, to paraphrase Mark Twain, people do a lot of feeling and tend to mistake it for thinking. Further, you have been malnourished on a diet of coarse and violent video diversions, derivative fantasy games, and a “Renaissance Faire” perspective of history. And so you, like many of your cohort, tend to compose your ideas wrapped in sentimentality and grandiose pseudo-mysticism.

You do “possess a name” although you may not like acknowledging it, since it is now more appealing to play pretend. One day, one 3:00 am, sitting in an emergency room with a seriously ill child, your stomach churning with anxiety, you will use that name, giving it to the admitting clerk for insurance purposes. You’ll see it again, engraved on a headstone beneath which the remains of one of your parents are being lowered, way, way too soon for you even to contemplate. You will see your name again and again when you would rather not. On traffic citations, rejected college applications, lawsuit documents. If you are very fortunate, you will have something of meaning like the budo in your life to help you through those moments. If you have something like the budo, it will also put into perspective those moments of your life when you are happy and proud to see your name: on marriage certificates, diplomas, a Taco Bell nametag for your first job, an executive office door plaque for your last. It is not coincidental to note that if you however have no life, budo is not going to give that to you.

So you petition me to train you? Tell you what: Learn what your name is first. And then try some or all of this:

Read less Tolkien, more Homer.
Instead of signing a petition at your high school demanding the cafeteria serve affordable, organically-grown marijuana snickerdoodles that have not been tested on animals or some such, start one demanding Latin be once again taught there. Then sign up for the class when it is.
Set your radio alarm to wake you to the music of Bach.
Quit fantasizing so much about melon-breasted, saucer-eyed anime females and start talking to the real girl who sits behind you in Earth Science.
Switch to Society for Creative Anachronism members, Hollywood, and anyone making a living with an electric guitar that tolerant but amused contempt which you currently reserve for conservatives, businessmen, and people who hold religious faith dear.
Talk less with your friends and listen more to your parents and grandparents
Assume everyone you know who is older than you by two decades or more is smarter than you, more profound, more sophisticated. This will not always be so. But it will be often enough you’ll be ahead of the game by assuming it is.
For every hour spent playing video games, spend an hour exercising and another hour reading any book published before 1850.
Consider everything you are feeling and thinking has been felt and thought before. Everything. Find a high school reading syllabus compiled before 1965 and work your way through the titles and you will discover those feelings and thoughts have been have been more effectively communicated than in anything you can say or write. This should not depress you. It should instruct and remind that your first and proper impulse toward the civilisation that spawned you is a deep sense of humility and debt.
Learn to speak Japanese. Or Chinese. Or Farsi. Learning the language of a foreign culture is an insight into how that culture thinks. Once you learn how your own culture thinks, a formidable task you have obviously not yet begun, you can broaden your views by understanding that of others.
When you are tempted to make a contribution to e-budo, compose it, then proofread it. Twice. Then look to see if there is a question mark at the end of it. If not, do not send it. The only possibly valuable additions you might make to intellectual intercourse at this stage in your life come in the form of questions.

Budo, Mr. Follower of the Four Winds, is serious business. If you are serious about wanting to pursue it as a path for your life and you want to do it with me, it’s up to you. You can follow my advice.
Or you can hope one of those four winds blows you the right way.

Cordially,

[Iain]

Hey! What's wrong with SCA? Sure they're a little 'off' but you would be too if you spent your weekends getting pummeled with a piece of rattan...

Yeah, the kid's a flake. Probably a little too lost in the land of dorkdom (been there, know those people. Still a pretty huge dork myself), but your little diddy on the end as to his lack of parental appreciation is incongruous. Anyone who'd send an email like this to a legitimate MA club has his head in the clouds. Completely in the clouds. Like way... way.... way up somewhere in the stratosphere. He probably couldn't tell you who the last two Presidents were. He could give you a complete list of all the Darths since Marka Ragnos led the sith rebellion against the Jedi, but I doubt his this-worldly intellectual rigour. Kids like this don't disrespect their parents. They're like 5 year olds. They probably don't even drink (not like normal kids do). They don't stay out late, they don't anything that isn't Live Action Role Play or Star trek/wars/ Battlestar galactica/ X-men/ Warhammer.... you get the picture. He's not some self-impressed pseudo-intellectual looser. He's just a plain old looser who -for whatever reasons- decided that life on Coruscant was more interesting than life on Earth.

I know it's kind of sad, but this kid might (depending on his age. I know 30yos who act like this) be far beyond help in which case all you did was hurt his feelings.

No seriously (seriously seriously... not sarcastic seriously), mostly good advice, but you might of taken a bit of the edge off. The kid's probably pretty fragile. Plenty of !!!!-kickings at school will do that to you. People who use escapism don't usually pick it out of the blue, it's usually because they're trying to escape something. Every kid I know who is like this had something bad happen (abusive father in one case, dead father in another, messy divorce at age 6. Brutally bullied at school is a common one).

The kind of pseudo-intellectual dorks you're talking about are (and I know plenty of them too) far too self-concious to go emailing crap like this around the 'net. They might come from the same stock on a fundamental level (sensitive introvert kids) but one likes to present a facade of this worldly wisdom and strength, but the other just climbed aboard the USS Enterprise and went to a planet where he's cool and the people are nicer.

Point is, he's just some sad case using escapism instead of dealing with his problems (which he probably has lots of). You might have gone a little easier on him. His self mythologizing and the 'gas-baggery of mya Angelou' (not going to argue with you there) are probably not synonymous. Escapism is a problem as old as the hills. It's not related to the recent and much bemoaned Oprah revolution.

Don't mean to shoot you down. I honesly think most of it is good (damn good) advice, but you might have told him that he should deal with whatever issues drove him to seek refuge in fantasy-land. Maybe tell him to go take Karate lessons at the Y. It's just that I know a lot of people who are like this, and they usually don't mean any harm. In fact in normal social situations they're usually quite polite (if a little wierd. And don't ever ask them personal questions unless you want an ear full of Magic Cards)They're just looking for someone to validate their illusion.

Either that or you flipped off some acid head. In which case, Bravo!

[Jock Armstrong]

In a bad mood were we Dave? I'm not having a go at you for the letter- arriving home after a bad day to a delusional idiots pseudo Jedi ramblings would have gotten a shorter, much less pleasant reply from me- you actually tried to explain things. I hope he is a kid who may be shaken out of his fantasy approach to life by a straight reply.
Soft soaping these kids is half the reason the have become the way they are.

[Tripitaka of AA]

I'm feeling a lot less grown-up than I thought I was. Mr Lowry, you have a way with words.

And part of the reason I take this as a bucket of water in the face, is that I can imagine having written the letter you were replying to . Yes, I am a very sad case of human being become potato-with-dreams.

My own submissions to E-Budo might need a little re-thinking if I wish to take advantage of Mr Lowry's excellent advice. Could anyone tell me how to finish this off with a question mark?

[Kaoru]

Hi Lowry-san,

This kid sounds like he is very shy. I think he is good to have asked for training, even if it was in a flowery sort of way. This means he is possibly aware that it is safer to learn from a qualified teacher than try to teach himself. I think near the end, you gave some good advice that he ought to read and take note of. But, if you still have his e-mail, why don't you invite him to watch a practice so he can see what exactly JSA really is? Sometimes, it is better to show them by example. He sounds like a nice kid. Maybe you could ask him to write a serious essay on why he wants to train, after he sees a practice. Then, make a decision on the kid. If he's serious, and is willing to work hard, then give him a chance. It is better to be positive and give a person a chance rather than decide right off, based on an e-mail that the kid is a flake or anything like that. That's not very fair.

Sure, his message comes off as silly at first glance and the first read through, but sometimes, one has to read a little deeper to understand the person doing the writing. I'd ask him some more questions and find out how old he is, and ask him his name. Just give him a chance to prove he really is interested. You never know... he may turn out to be a very good student.

Well, those are just some ideas I had... No offense intended, of course.

[Daniel san]

Mr. Lowry,
It is my opinion that you wrote the correct message to this kid. He did ask a swordsman after all. He got a swordsmans answer. Long and sharp. If he had asked a karateka the same question he might have gotten the same answer only short and blunt. There is a lesson in your response that everyone can share in. Thank you for it. Now, about the smiley face thing. I had no idea that it bothered some people. I will do my best to avoid using them only because I see the logic and lesson in trying to describe things without resorting to pictures. It speaks well of a person when they can speak well for themselves (or something like that). Anyway, have great day and thanks for the books.

[Moko]

Possibly wasted on that young 'un. I'm taking advantage of it though.

Thank you also for the new words, solecism and snickerdoodles, though I am having trouble finding the latter. I will edit my current tag to reflect the solecisms of it's author.

And thanks for the Good books also.

[Earl Hartman]

My, my, my. Woke up on the wrong side of the futon this morning, did we?

Granted, the fellow who wrote that letter was, shall we say, less than a desirable candidate for instruction. When I get letters like that I just don't answer them. Stop hyperventilating and sit down and have some chamomile tea, Dave.

And I'll thank you to leave the SCA, the Renaissance Faire, and Tolkein alone, thankyouverymuch. A lot of misfits, yes, but a lot of Good People too. I have met just as many fools and assholes in the budo world as in the SCA.

If this fellow is actually a teenager, then, well, he is by definition Young and Stupid. That is the job of a teenager. If you had a son of the age, as I do, perhaps you would understand. And, of course, if you have ever run across one of your old stories, poems, essays, or journal entries from when YOU were that age, well.....

Sir Earl of Morris, Called the Fierce
Knight and Baron of the Realm, SCA
(a long time ago and in another life, but it was fun just the same)

[Ben Bartlett]

Some of that was good advice, some of it I, being on the lefter-leaning side of things, didn't particularly agree with. (And poor, poor Tolkien... the guy writes an excellent imitation of a classic epic, and nowadays everyone lumps him in with Dragonlance books. Homer is good, too, though.) Schools today could do a better job with literature (although I suspect they do a better job with math and science than they did 40 years ago). At any rate, I agree with the basic diagnosis, just not all of the prescribed cure. (And hey, I was into RPGs at his age, and I turned out ok! Or at least, I never emailed anyone calling myself anything but my name. )

[Earl Hartman]

Originally posted by Ben Bartlett
(And poor, poor Tolkien... the guy writes an excellent imitation of a classic epic

**Ahem.....koff, koff**

"Excellent imitation of a classic epic"?

Them's fightin' words, podner.

Forget the movies, read the books.

As for the genre that Tolkein supposedly spawned, well, that is what you call imitation. Never read any of it, never will.

As for Homer, I'm still trying to get past Achilles asking his mother to ask Zeus to help the Trojans kill all of the Greeks simply because Agammemnon bogarded his chick. I mean, this is the great Greek hero Achilles? Crying to Mommy to make the bad man stop and who cares if all of his friends die like dogs? And what's with the Greeks acting like King Arthur in Monty Python and the Holy Grail every time the gods desert them ("Run Away!!!" as the cow comes hurtling towards them)? (Of course, maybe that's the point.) Yes, yes, I admit that I should read the whole thing. But everybody just seems so base and cowardly I'm still trying to figure out why it is such a treasure of literature.

So sue me.

[Ben Bartlett]

Originally posted by Earl Hartman
**Ahem.....koff, koff**

"Excellent imitation of a classic epic"?

Them's fightin' words, podner.

Err, all I meant by that was that it was not, in fact, an ancient oral tradition that had eventually been written down. But it was written like one. I happen to love Tolkien's work. In conclusion: please don't hurt me.

[Ron Tisdale]

Mr. Lowry,

I must admit that I'm currious about the use of conservatives, Dr. Angelou, and Mr. Tolkien in your post. Quite a lot of the post rang true to me, especially the ideas of a more classical education.

On the other hand, I remember that one of the professors at the college I went to considered himself a strong proponant of classical literature in education. But I found a certain reactionary peevishness in his curriculae for modern and post modern literature. It seemed he not only prefered dead white men, but even when it came to contemporary writing, he also prefered his living writers white and male. I questioned the breadth of his selections...not to exclude the dead or living white males, but simply to include some others. I didn't get very far with him though. But I should think not all classically oriented intellectuals would follow some of his patterns.

I was wondering if you could be a little more specific with regard to some of the faults of a couple of specific books by the authors mentioned...say, 'I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings', and, oh, 'The Hobbit'. Are you saying that today's readers focus on these works to the exclusion of all others, or that they are examples of 'bad litererature' (whatever that might be)?

Frankly, I think the majority of your advice to the young man was quite on point, and warrented. I just wanted to seek a little clarification on the points above. By the way, I've always enjoyed your books and articles. Thank you for your contributions to the martial arts.

Best regards,

Ron Tisdale

[Earl Hartman]

Yeah, I know LotR is not a "real" tradition, but was invented to sound like one.

Actually, one of the things I find most interesting about LotR is that apparently Tolkein conceived of it because he felt the need for a "real" English heroic tradition that he apparently believed had been destroyed by the Norman invasion and the ensuing Frog-ification of the Britons. As I understand it, he believed that anything post-1066 was not really British (I don't know how he felt about the Saxons).

Anyway, Tolkein's ideal ethos was the heroic Nordic/German tradition humanized by Christianity. As I am not a Christian, all of the apparently plentiful Christian underpinnings of LotR escape me completely. But that's OK. A great sory in the tradition of Ripping Yarns.

[chrismoses]

Were this posted by someone less prestigious and respected, I would assume they were fishing for kudos for telling off some fool kid. As it was posted by Mr. Lowry, I'm kind of confused why he would post such a long and rather ascerbic piece of personal correspondence to a bullieten board. Hitting a frustration level with the kiddies are we?

[Marc Renouf]

Never underestimate the educational facets of role-playing games. I've played them for nearly two decades and still enjoy them on occasion. Hell, it's an excuse to get together regularly with friends I don't see often enough, if nothing else. But gaming has the capacity to pique your interest on a variety of topics. It leads you to read (a lot) and find out more about history, politics, science, etc. I can give it partial credit for leading me to budo, so for that alone it's been worth it.

That said, I think the gaming circles I tend to hang out with are the exception rather than the norm. Most of us are well-adjusted, many of us are married, and some of us have kids. We all have careers and interests outside of gaming that make us varied individuals. We all practice good personal hygiene. But I do know folks who still live in their parents' basements and live for Star Trek.

Then again, I know people who rarely venture outside of their homes and feel that they have a secret, special, personal role to play in the Second Coming of Christ. And how many of us know a "super-soke," either in person or in our geographic vicinity who pushes the envelope of credibility and decency? Flakes and maladjusted wackos abound in all walks of life, and budo is no exception.

Call it escapism if you like, but without inane hobbies to give us an outlet for the stress of simply carrying on day in and day out, where would we be?