Funny JET blog

[martin kelley]

This guy has some stories about teaching in Japan that surprise me.
What do ya'll think about 'em?

http://www.outpostnine.com/editorials/teacher.html

[shieldcaster]

Man, that's some funny sh*t. I can relate to a lot of it, but I am at a koko, so the students are pretty foward...and do have tits.

[Exorcist_Fist]

Normal. Hell some of that crap even happened when I worked at a Japanese company.

[Sapporo Ichiban]

One might say that was pretty damn funny.

By the way, it's not that the head is big but rather that the head is normal sized but the body is small. Hence the head simply APPEARS to be big. Athough it's typically not.

And that ninja finger to the exitway. Has anyone else seen that? My little nephew, who lives in Virginia, was earnestly trying that on me over Christmas (albeit with a medium-sized plastic toy animal instead of his finger). I don't have kids yet so I asked my sister what kind of perv she was raising. Apparently, he picked it up at daycare. Homeschooling. Sounds better and better . . .

[shieldcaster]

Yeah, I haven't gotten the anal dim mak offer here at my school, or even the grab the salami, most of the directness of my students manifests itself through great questions in the middle of class like, "Does your girl scream when you play sex?" Or, once when we were talking about hobbies, one girl in my class got all excited and raised her hand to proclaim that her hobby was playing with her body. Nice. It's scenes like these that have led to a pervasion repression of many a visual when I go to some of my classes.

The anal jab thing is really big amongst the littler variety of Japanese kids. My son is only now trying to get a jab or two in when we are wrestling around, but I am doing my best to nip that sh*t in the bud--that is just whacked. Even when I was a kid, I believe you would've gotten your *ss kicked for doing some sh*t like that in grade school. And I went to Catholic school.

[Troll Basher]

If that is the weirdest stuff that happens to that guy he has a pretty lame school.

Some of the whacky stuff that used to happen to me:

A) Female students propositioning you for sex.
B) Their moms inviting you to go drink and then propositioning you for sex too!
C) Female teachers giving you their room key on Onsen trips.
D) Female students grabbing the “package” and saying “I just wanted to see if it is true that gaijin are bigger”……rumors were confirmed to be true.
E) Female students flashing you their tits.
F) Female students "proving" they are bisexual by kissing another female student.



Be an “educator” in Japan does have it’s perks………..

[hyaku]

All this anal stabbing might appear to be a bit funny but I have had a few problems with it.

After an attempted assualt by a priest when I was a kid I have an aversion to people interfering with my private parts. My old reaction is an some time is lash out then find out who did it.

Problem is I get stuck with this (forgive the pun) at Kindergarden. The other day some perfectly sweet little 6 year old girl did it in fashion the doctor does when he dons rubber gloves to check if you have piles.

Then you tell kindergarden kids off and they cry because they dont know its wrong! I think its all rather sick.

The boys are decidedly homeophobic. Never in my life have I seen such physical foreplay between boys.

I think its about time they started to buy cots and pillows. Well over 90% of the boys clearly have deformed heads. Thats why its easy to get big hats and bike helmets. Round hats dont fit on square heads.

[Mrose]

I teach in an elementary school. I have kids poking me in the butt all the time. Or at least trying. It definitly helps train the reflexes. I actually complained to the teachers once. They just laughed and said "yeah, its really funny, huh!"
aaahhhh, so thats where they get it. I haven't experianced any of the racier stuff, as I work in an elementary school. Thank goodness for that.

[renfield_kuroda]

I had a junior high student who worked part time after school at as a hostess at a pub-snack. One day hanging out after class with her and some friends, they go "Hey, can we come by sometime and hang?" And I said "Sure. Whenever."
We'd gone to karaoke and whatnot, kicked it at the mall and arcade, that kinda thing.
One night during summer vacation, about 2am I am woken by a strange tapping noise...I am standing in my boxers looking out my rear sliding glass door (first floor apartment) to see her and a buddy on my balcony.
I open the door and they go "You said come by whenver." and I replied "I didn't mean 2 in the morning! What are you doing out anyway?" and she said "Y'know, just wandering around..." and I thought about it and figured hell, I used to do that when I was in school, too. (Though I didn't go visit my English teacher...then again none of my teachers were as cool as I am.)
So they came in, we had some tea and watched TV for a while, and then they took off.
Freaky part is she was wearing a SERIOUSLY mini-skirt and I thought maybe was trying to stay when her friend wanted to leave...and I lived in teacher's housing. Principal next door, etc. SO close to busted, as in deported-from-Japan busted.
She was almost 16 at the time, and I was 21, and I admit it was tempting.
Now she's married, has a daughter, but living at home b/c her husband's as much of a schmuk as she is.
Moral of the story: practice safe sex!

Regards,

r e n

[Brian Owens]

I thought his stories were pretty funny, but I'm appalled that he's an English teacher but has several blatant gramatical errors in his writings. It's not like they're just off the cuff posts on a forum; they're supposed to be well written editorials.

Oh well. I guess I'm just too picky.

Should I make it to Japan to teach someday, I think I'll try to teach at a college or a private school; those little perverts in his stories worry me.

[hyaku]

But Brian they are not interested in perfect grammar. They need a walking CD with a smiley foreign face.

They need a Pro Gaijin. Daytime entertainers so they can proudly say. "I met a gaijin". Or, "We employ a Gaijin".

I have been here nearly 25 now and nothing has changed much. The good thing is you might actually find time to do some enjoyable Budo.

Perhaps the best advice ever offered to anyone thinking of a career in teaching English in Japan is, "Don't think for one minute that you actually ever teach anything". Some of the ALTs arrive with really good intentions and are most dissapointed.

Even the old JALT Guide says. Take the money and enjoy the ride.

My addition to that would be, "Look behind you frequently and dont hang about passing time in Kindergarden play areas. Pass through quickly and find a seat".

I left Roberts list some time ago and am happily married. But damn it was fun.

[Jock Armstrong]

I taught at JHS and Elementary. At least I didn't have too much trouble with the anal probe after I held one seven year old up off the ground by the wrist one handed and told him seriously in Japanese that it was just not done. The word got around. as has been said by others, they just don't know any better. I don't know if they stopped doing in to each other- they stopped trying it on me, which is what mattered. Young girls get the strangest crushes- I had one absolute doll who was 16, just ready to graduate to high school [koko] who used to chat to me while I wandered the corridors between classes. She insisted she wanted to visit "Gordon sensei's house"- she lived about ten yards from my apartment- and this is not actually unusual, many japanese teachers have a very close relationship with their students [nothing dodgy, although there are those who abuse the trust]. i finally said yes but invited her two buddies who effectively put an end to any potential shenanigans. Not that this endeared them to Mayuko, who arrived in a plaid miniskirt and a boob tube and spent the evening trying to get them to leave. I am by no means a catch- forty something and graying visibly- god help me if I had been 23 and blonde. Maybe the fact that I had raised my daughter [ and not a few of her friends] helped with the psychology. Japan, as a friend of mine said, is like an onion- the more layers you peel, the more you cry! Then again, I miss the schools and the kids I was with. I"d like to go back.

[P Goldsbury]

Originally posted by Brian Owens
I thought his stories were pretty funny, but I'm appalled that he's an English teacher but has several blatant gramatical errors in his writings. It's not like they're just off the cuff posts on a forum; they're supposed to be well written editorials.

Oh well. I guess I'm just too picky.

Should I make it to Japan to teach someday, I think I'll try to teach at a college or a private school; those little perverts in his stories worry me.

Brian,

Don't be too hard on him. I doubt whether his errors will affect his students in any way. I myself have found that if you are in a Japanese-speaking environment 24 hours a day for a couple of decades, well, your English tends to suffer from lack of use.

I think the pieces were very funny. My university classes must be utterly boring by comparison. However, last week one of my 4th year students waited behind after class. He wanted to tell me—and ask me—something. Whenever I am not formally teaching, I invariably speak in Japanese, but he wanted to to tell me in English, that he had got a job: he had been accepted into the Self-Defence Forces and that his English grades would be very important. He then asked me (in English) if he was likely to fail the class. I told him (in Japanese—these situations are sometimes quite hilarious, like a Japanese Monty Python) that he was unlikely to fail and asked him if he was prepared to go to Iraq. He answered (in English) that, of course he would go if he were sent there.

Many of my own students are English teachers in (usually) senior high schools in Western Japan and I often meet them at school reunions and bonenkai. Their opinions about the JET scheme are usually mixed. They like the input of fresh young native speakers, but do not want the hassle of having to fit them into the school system.

Like the the JET teachers, they themselves started out as young, idealistic English teachers, who were going to put into practise all the things that people like me had taught them. Like Colin H., I have been here for 25 years and I sometimes find myself in the situation of a father confessor, reassuring them that what they are doing has some value: it is so different from what they were taught to expect as students. Probably this problem is not unique to Japan.

Finally, I would recommend three books to prospective JET teachers:
(1) For the role of English in Japanese education, Brian McVeigh's "Japanese Higher Education as Myth". I believe that the publication of this book led to his dismissal from his job in Japan.
(2) For the sexual issues,
Ian Buruma's "Behind the Mask: On Sexual Demons, Sacred Mothers, Transvestites, Gangsters, and other Japanese Cultural Heroes";
(3) Nicholas Bornoff's "Pink Samurai: The Pursuit and Politics of Sex in Japan".
I also think that prospective JET teachers need a crash course on manga—Japanese comics, especially the manga that their pupils are likely to be reading.

Best regards to all,

[Exorcist_Fist]

Requirements to teach English in Japan if hired outside Japan:

Pulse
college degree.

If hired inside Japan:

Pulse

When I was first an English teacher, I wanted to actually teach. Boy, did that cause problems. 10 years later, I find myself teaching again, to avoid cash hemorrage before returning to the states in 6 months. The thing I like about my new school is that they are honest about things. My manager gives me instructions like "Go flirt with the older women, and you will get more private lessons". Yesterday I asked him jokingly if I was an English teacher or a Host. He replied "You are discount host". If it weren't for the hours and the smokey environment I would work at a host club for real, and make more.

[Michael Bland]

Yup... all normal. I was amazed at the sexually charged atmosphere of the little town I was in... the PTA moms kept showing up at my house hoping to score with the first western male to ever live in their little town.

The anal stabbing "kancho" was everywhere.. and very normal for boys to do it to girls, girls to do it to boys... students to teachers...teachers to students... teachers to teachers...

Many students would walk by and tap my crotch and ask "maikeru, genki?"

All normal in Japan...

Watching the male employees at the local board of education grope the female employees... grabbing their asses as they walked by.. all normal in japan. And a girl saying "hey watch out that's sexual harrassment" was just a funny joke for the office enjoyment. all normal..

speaking of which I'll be in Japan tomorrow. Ahh those crazy japanese..