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Thread: Useless inventions

  1. #1
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    Default Useless inventions

    OK, something to think over.

    You are a crackpot inventor and you have designed something which, in all intents and purpose seems great in theory, but it is just useless.

    Like for instance, a machine for removing cats from trees. In the pear growing business, they have large machines that go along and shake the branches. This will let the pears fall off onto a collector. So 2+2=4 and a tree shaker going hell bent on deisel = removal of said cat.

    So as a crackpot inventor, you come up with a machine that will help cats get out of trees by using the same mechanical means. It is comepletely useless, will scare the poor cat making it cling onto the branch even more with it's claws and therefor making the machine impractical.

    So what crackpot inventions can you think up? Think Thunderbirds on drugs and start from there.

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    Wink :-0

    er..if i think about thunderbirds whilst on drugs, the only plans i'm gonna get is a trip down the 24hr garage for some chocolate!

    :-)
    'Saru mo ki kara ochiru.' is a Japanese kotowaza or proverb. 'Even monkeys fall from trees.' or essentially 'Nobody's perfect'


    Gary Brewer

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    Thumbs up Thanks for the idea

    Quote Originally Posted by Will Northcote
    So as a crackpot inventor, you come up with a machine that will help cats get out of trees by using the same mechanical means. It is comepletely useless, will scare the poor cat making it cling onto the branch even more with it's claws and therefor making the machine impractical.
    Ooooo… have to disagree here. With a small modification, program the machine to shake even harder thus removing said claws from cat, keeping said cat from re-climbing said tree thus now we have a practical invention and a good cat.

    It's mine and I won't share the royalties. But, thanks for the idea that will be the start of my new company… patent pending.
    All My Best,

    Todd Wayman

    "…since karate is a martial art, you must practice with the utmost seriousness from the very beginning."

    - G. Funakoshi, Karate-Do Nyumon, 1943

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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by twayman
    It's mine and I won't share the royalties. But, thanks for the idea that will be the start of my new company… patent pending.
    Strange name for a company Patent Pending. Also I would have to disagree on the cat shaker to remove claws. Animal welfare may want to have some wolds along the lines of "bizarre invention" "Lawsuit" and "forget all that, let's pit him in a match with some hungry pit bulls".

    Just looking out for your best interests.

    But I have come up with a better idea to remove cats from trees. It is called a Shotgun.

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    Unhappy

    Just when I thought I had my retirement all planed out it’s shot down just like that.
    All My Best,

    Todd Wayman

    "…since karate is a martial art, you must practice with the utmost seriousness from the very beginning."

    - G. Funakoshi, Karate-Do Nyumon, 1943

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    Default

    I aim to please

    You can ask my ex girlfriend, that is, if the police find her body.

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    Thumbs up Another idea

    Still think the cat shaker has merit... just a few bugs and some proposed legal issues to resolve. I'll have my legal team (once they get home from little league practice) go over the details should see it hit the market in time for Christmas... I'm glad you brought up the pit bull issue. Now that my creative juices are flowing I have another proposal… artificial cat claws, razor sharp and detachable, they will come with a remote release for easy cat tree removal. They can also be fitted for ex girl-friends. The cat tree remover sets the market for the artificial cat claws… I’ll be so rich.


    P.S. Patent Pending (Don’t be still’n my ideas MAN!!)
    All My Best,

    Todd Wayman

    "…since karate is a martial art, you must practice with the utmost seriousness from the very beginning."

    - G. Funakoshi, Karate-Do Nyumon, 1943

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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Will Northcote
    Strange name for a company Patent Pending. Also I would have to disagree on the cat shaker to remove claws. Animal welfare may want to have some wolds along the lines of "bizarre invention" "Lawsuit" and "forget all that, let's pit him in a match with some hungry pit bulls".

    Just looking out for your best interests.

    But I have come up with a better idea to remove cats from trees. It is called a Shotgun.
    Correct me if i am wrong but didn't someone else come up with the idea of the shotgun?
    Beverly

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    Talking

    Quote Originally Posted by twayman
    Still think the cat shaker has merit... just a few bugs and some proposed legal issues to resolve. I'll have my legal team (once they get home from little league practice) go over the details should see it hit the market in time for Christmas... I'm glad you brought up the pit bull issue. Now that my creative juices are flowing I have another proposal… artificial cat claws, razor sharp and detachable, they will come with a remote release for easy cat tree removal. They can also be fitted for ex girl-friends. The cat tree remover sets the market for the artificial cat claws… I’ll be so rich.


    P.S. Patent Pending (Don’t be still’n my ideas MAN!!)
    But as the first post is from me, that will make it my idea. And as the creator of said machine, I will have to demand credit on the patent along with royalties. This will fall under copyright laws due to it being in print first and you saying that you will market the idea. So I get to be the CEO of said company while you are the worker designing the product.

    True Cherry, the shotgun has been invented by another, but who is to say that it can not be used in that manner as a work tool instead of a firearm?

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    Default

    true, i see your point, in that case it's a good idea
    Beverly

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    Thumbs up Welcome partner

    Quote Originally Posted by Will Northcote
    But as the first post is from me, that will make it my idea. And as the creator of said machine, I will have to demand credit on the patent along with royalties. This will fall under copyright laws due to it being in print first and you saying that you will market the idea. So I get to be the CEO of said company while you are the worker designing the product.
    Will,

    To show good faith and that I expect to make billions on my… uuuhmm … our… idea I see no reason to not have you as a partner or even CEO. My legal team will be calling as soon as school lets out and cub scouts are over (they are really hard workers) to go over the paper work. I’m drawing up plans now, should have prototype in a few days, plan on being in your area by the weekend. Almost, forgot the prototype is going to cost us around 1 million each. I’ll need you to wire your half to my offshore account this evening. I’ll email you the account number.

    P.S. If you don’t here from me again figure that the prototype was a flop and I have then decided to take a vacation in some undisclosed location. If you try to contact my legal team please make it before 7:00 p.m. for it is a school night.
    All My Best,

    Todd Wayman

    "…since karate is a martial art, you must practice with the utmost seriousness from the very beginning."

    - G. Funakoshi, Karate-Do Nyumon, 1943

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    Default

    Has fart dye been invented ?

    Quick spray round the room and turns the gases from your rear end visible, no more arguements over who did it.
    Nick Rhodes

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    Quote Originally Posted by NickR
    Has fart dye been invented ?

    Quick spray round the room and turns the gases from your rear end visible, no more arguements over who did it.
    now that is an excellent invention!!!!!!
    Beverly

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    Default

    Correct me if i am wrong but didn't someone else come up with the idea of the shotgun?
    Yes, I believe it came from Africa about 6000 years ago.

    Bad Andrew, bad Andrew! No biscuit!
    Andrew Smallacombe

    Aikido Kenshinkai

    JKA Tokorozawa

    Now trotting over a bridge near you!

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    Thumbs up New Idea.

    Sorry everyone but after intensive research and prototyping of the cat shaker and artificial claws; it has been found to be cost prohibitive and difficult to market. Good news though threw the prototyping process I have an alternative invention that I would like to show all you cat lovers. Mind you this is the preliminarily idea some refinement may be in order. I have taken the liberty of disclosing first article drawings for the cat-slinger (formerly cat-a-pult). I believe this will get kitty out of (small) trees quick as a wink while decreasing the ever growing cat population. Notice kitties expression when he realizes the jig is up. Comments and suggestions welcome.

    P.S. Nick, love the fart spray idea! (Now that's a man who thinks)
    All My Best,

    Todd Wayman

    "…since karate is a martial art, you must practice with the utmost seriousness from the very beginning."

    - G. Funakoshi, Karate-Do Nyumon, 1943

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