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Thread: Very funny Chuck Norris Movie

  1. #1
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    Default Very funny Chuck Norris Movie

    Tim Mailloux

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    LOL

    Good one Tim!

    R

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    Thanks Ron, I also posted a list of all the reasons why Chuck is suck a b/a in the other Chuck Norris thread.
    Tim Mailloux

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    Does anybody know what Norris himself thinks of all this nonsense? I'm pretty sure the man has a sense of humour [I saw him on the Tonight Show once], but does this stuff make him laugh?
    David Anderson
    Calgary, Alberta


    "Swords are the rosary of Aikido"

    D. H. Skoyles Sensei 04/03/01

    Nakayamakai KoAikido dojo

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    Default Mr. Norris' response...

    From another forum...No idea if it is legit, but it does seem that he is amused:

    here

    Be well,
    Jigme
    Jigme Chobang Daniels
    aoikoyamakan at gmail dot com

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    Hey this link dosen't work. Shame that, it sound a bit interesting.
    Liam Cognet

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    Default 30 Facts about Chuck Norris

    Here's a list someone e-mailed me with facts about Chuck Norris. There is some overlap with the video.

    30 Facts about Chuck Norris:


    Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

    Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

    Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

    Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

    Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

    Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

    The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

    A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

    To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

    Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.

    If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

    The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

    Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't #*%$ (edited to comply with e-budo rules) with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

    The term "carnivore" was invented after Chuck Norris was spotted at a carnival eating babies.

    Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

    Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

    Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

    A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

    Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

    The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.

    Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a #*$%*^&(edited to comply with e-budo rules) Indian.

    When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is Courage?" Chuck Norris received an "A+" for writing only the words "Chuck Norris" and promptly turning in the paper.

    After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".

    It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.

    When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

    Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

    Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

    If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

    Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife.

    Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
    Joe Cheavens

    Time flies like the wind.
    Fruit flies like bananas.

    Mushi mo atsui hodo
    Mushiatsui

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    P.S. Thank you Margaret Lo for the Viking Kitty video. After 30 some odd years, I finally know what Robert Plant is singing in the chorus of the "Immigrant Song." I would have replied in that thread, but it is now locked. I think even Chuck Norris would have laughed at that, just before he ate the kitties.
    Joe Cheavens

    Time flies like the wind.
    Fruit flies like bananas.

    Mushi mo atsui hodo
    Mushiatsui

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