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Thread: Application form funnies

  1. #1
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    Default Application form funnies

    Found this while looking up some information and done the click on a link to get this.

    Actual excerpts from Royal Navy and Marines officer fitness reports

    His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.
    I would not breed from this officer.
    He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction.
    He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.
    This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
    This medical officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar.
    Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig.
    She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
    He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.
    Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
    This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot
    Let us not forget the American side...

    Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
    Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
    A room temperature IQ.
    Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.
    A prime candidate for natural deselection.
    Bright as Alaska in December.
    Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
    So dense, light bends around him.
    If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.
    If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
    Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby.
    Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
    http://www.mb21.co.uk/fun/fun026.shtml

  2. #2
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    Default

    Some of my favorites:

    The lights are on, but nobody's home.
    Not the brightest bulb on the string.
    Not coming in on all four engines.
    Doesn't have both oars in the water.
    Has an IQ about 2 points below plant life.
    Yours in Budo,
    ---Brian---

  3. #3
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    Smile

    'Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig. '

    LOL

    :-)
    'Saru mo ki kara ochiru.' is a Japanese kotowaza or proverb. 'Even monkeys fall from trees.' or essentially 'Nobody's perfect'


    Gary Brewer

  4. #4
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    Actually, these two are my favourite.

    His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.
    I would not breed from this officer.


    Makes you wonder what they were actually like.

  5. #5
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    Or one report I wish I had been allowed to submit from my brief stint as a high school teacher (an occupation I do not recommend mixing with being in the Army Reserve Infantry Corps).

    "Your son is, in many ways, a lot like Babe - a little swine who is going to bring home the "U's""

    As well as:

    "It is my responsibility to see that your child reaches his maximum potential. Please send him over to the composting area as soon as possible."

    and:

    "I see your son having a very brief job in banks, followed by a longer stint in correctional services."

    plus:

    "The kid is functioning under the illusion that he is of some importance. I do not say "labouring under the illusion", as that would imply that he is actually doing something."

    or:

    "The extent to which I care about your opinion at this point in time is so minuscule that I could write and expounded essay about it on the back of a postage stamp and there would still be room."

    I did, however, get into trouble from my principal for calling a pair kids "Oxygen thieves".
    Andrew Smallacombe

    Aikido Kenshinkai

    JKA Tokorozawa

    Now trotting over a bridge near you!

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