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Thread: HAIKU ~ I stink, so you try...

  1. #31
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    Three days of glory,
    Then it just withers away -
    The lotus flower
    Andrew Smallacombe

    Aikido Kenshinkai

    JKA Tokorozawa

    Now trotting over a bridge near you!

  2. #32
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    Default Please don't judge it too harshly...

    Wow, some beautiful imagery on this thread. Ok, I think I wrote this when I was about 8, so, if you'll all promise not to be too critical:

    Way up high I see
    Branches waving in the wind
    Swaying in the wind

    Hmm, now that I look at it, I think I might have to take out the second 'wind' (no jokes about 'getting a second wind', please). I think I'll also have to replace that line with something about how 'gazing at the branches caused such a sense of peace to enter my heart and the waving of the branches reminded me of the impermanence of life, much like viewing the O-bon lanterns float down the river '.

    Or somesuch like that. Dunno how it scans in Japanese, either.
    Chris Hodsdon

  3. #33
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    Grind of Blade on Steel
    Shattered hearts of paper,
    Outside Autum nears...

    Never wrote one before, have I done it properly?
    -Amir Barak

    "You get what you pay for, But I had no intention of living this way" - Adam Duritz

  4. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by Inazuma
    Grind of Blade on Steel
    Shattered hearts of paper,
    Outside Autum nears...

    Never wrote one before, have I done it properly?
    You're a sylable short in the 2nd line.

  5. #35
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    But you did get in a mention of a season, which I didn't know until reading the first post here was one aspect.

    Good first attempt! Keep it up.
    Yours in Budo,
    ---Brian---

  6. #36
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    Default Tonight......


    Being/ nothingness.
    winter sky mirror clear to
    void between the stars
    Aaron J. Cuffee


    As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.
    - H.L. Mencken

  7. #37
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    Default Good evening all

    Interesting place this e-Budo...

    I have been interested in the Japanese language since I was young and starting Judo. Wondering how Sensei knew to pronounce the words associated with the sport. And if they were pronounced correctly...

    More recent academic study and a friend have helped a good deal but I still don't know jack about speaking the language.

    My signature line is a joke waiting for someone to read Romanji... I'll provide a translation if anyone is interested...


    Sorry to stray off topic but getting back to Haiku

    5-7-5

    Samidare ya
    Aru yo hisoka ni
    Matsu no tsuki


    Translated to English it does not conform of course

    Early summer rain
    Faint one evening
    The moon among the pines (of waiting)

    Matsu can mean both "pine" and "wait," and is a kakekotoba (pivot word).

    Other important poetry terminology/elements:

    Makura kotoba "Pillow Word":

    A word or phrase conventionally fixed by meaning, association, or sound to one or more words.

    Seasonal reference:

    In most Japanese poetry, there is a seasonal referent. It could be a flower, a tree, an animal, or other item which is specifically associated with a certain time of year. For example, a chestnut indicates autumn, a chrysthanthemum indicates winter, a plum indicates spring, and a lily indicates summer.

    Source: http://www.albany.edu/eas/170/waka.htm



    May we all learn words
    To describe migrating birds
    Summer is ending.

    Days growing longer
    Small trees in pots need pruning
    Hot days returning.

    Ahh well, I try....
    Yo. Ore no na wa Raymond Gevas. Nihongo wa dame, watashi wa baka na gaijin. Eigo de hanashite kudasai. Anata no yutteru koto wa mattaku wakarimasen. Jibun no yutteru koto sae mo wakannain desu yo.

  8. #38
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    I love e-budo
    Great for procrastinating
    Instead of working

    I have seen a hilarious book which condenses 100 great works of literature to a single haiku. Sadly I can't remember any specific examples, but it's well worth having a browse through if you stumble across it in your local book shop.
    Cheers,

    Mike
    No-Kan-Do

  9. #39

    Default

    Pubis maximus
    I am riding the hair bus
    Punch my ticket please
    David Cummins

    Osu-no-seishin

  10. #40
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    I am glad to see the **ken shin**the pure spirit** alive within the walls of Castle E-Budo. Our haikus just a reminder of the Warriors that sleep beneath our shattered armor.


    Daito Castle

    Ippon dori is
    The first technique on the path;
    Atop lies Daito.
    J. Alexander
    Namo Amitabha

  11. #41
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    Default My haiku (version 1.1)

    Way up high I see
    Branches waving in the wind
    The chill of autumn

    Hmm, something's still not quite right. Suggestions? Advice?
    Chris Hodsdon

  12. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by budoka_ch
    Way up high I see
    Branches waving in the wind
    The chill of autumn

    Hmm, something's still not quite right. Suggestions? Advice?
    Excellent!

    You've got the 5-7-5 meter; you mention the season; branches waving in the wind is visually evocative; the third line is distinct from, but related to, the first two lines. Very nice.

    One thing I've learned is that you can suggest the season without directly mentioning it; for example falling leaves suggest autumn, cherry blossoms suggest spring, etc. It gives a lot of variety in possible scenarios.
    Yours in Budo,
    ---Brian---

  13. #43
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    Thanks Brian,

    I guess I could always use falling snow or somesuch as a seasonal indication, but I've gotta brush up on my 'uniquely japanese seasonal allusions' though (you know, what's in the tokonoma of the chashitsu is indicative of a certain mood, and all that...)

    Anyway, here's another...no seasonal allusion, though:

    I am surprised
    Absent from class for two weeks
    I am now nikyu

    True story, it happened tonight (FWIW inside the hierarchy of my dojo, of course. Outside of that, it don't mean jacksquat)!
    Last edited by budoka_ch; 16th March 2006 at 10:21. Reason: Syllable pruning in 2nd line
    Chris Hodsdon

  14. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by budoka_ch
    ...I am surprised...
    That's only 4 syllables. :P

    Oh, wait. We'll use the Shakespearean pronunciation -- sur-priz-ed; that'll give 5 syllables.
    Yours in Budo,
    ---Brian---

  15. #45
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    The trolls are breeding
    It's that time of year again
    Moderators, flee!
    Andrew Smallacombe

    Aikido Kenshinkai

    JKA Tokorozawa

    Now trotting over a bridge near you!

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