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Thread: Some real-life situations - apt responses to them?

  1. #1
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    Default Some real-life situations - apt responses to them?

    Hello everyone!

    Its going to be my first post on this forum. Have read some very good threads in here, but writing for the first time.

    I would like to present to you some situations, to which I wish to know, according to you experienced members, what should be/could've been the appropriate responses. First off, one account that I was a witness to. It may be a little long, hence you could skip it if you don't want to go through it.

    FIRST:


    This is about a street-confrontation which I witnessed some time back, about which I wish to share with everyone here. I have tried to ‘analyse’ the situation post its occurrence, and would post my thoughts. I will try to write the following account in as much details as possible.

    The incident :-

    I am from India. I had accompanied a friend of mine to a town for some work which he had there. The place where we had work, lies a few miles away from this town. Not to put him in a bad light, but just for introduction, this friend of mine is a little hot-headed person (by attitude, a cynical person, but good of heart), hence I tend to be a little aware/cautious when with him in public (or would like to think so; cautious in the sense, be careful against any verbal spat he might get involved in with someone), as what affects one would affect the other too in a company, while I actively try to suppress my anger generally, as much as could be possible within my limits; helps to (better) assess the situation, as I understand that letting it out mars one's judgement (in a physical fight too).

    The town we were in, is notorious for its criminal activities (gun-shooting, contract-murders in broad daylight, etc). moreover, the district in which the town lies, the locals there don’t harbour any feelings of camaraderie for the people outside of their state (half of the nation suffers from such jingoistic fervours; ofcourse, it happens in other countries as well, but the dirty politics here have poisoned the minds to an ugly level).

    Anyway. We reached the railway station of the town in the morning, and lo & behold! Had our first share of the day there. He got involved in a short verbal spat with a person over a pesky issue of distribution of railway-ticket reservation-forms. That fizzled out soon.
    Later, his work done, we had to return, and took a multi-seater passenger vehicle back to the railway station. This is one of the 2 modes of public-transport available there, in that town, and the drivers try to stuff the vehicle full with passengers as much as possible. My friend, he took the front seat, just beside the front gate. The front seat can accommodate 3 people + 1 driver, and the driver then takes in 1-2 more people, who then sit between the legs of the people sitting close to the door. I was sitting at the back of the vehicle with my bag. On the way, this driver (apparently somewhat drunk, as he lightly bumped into a man at one of the speed-breakers, and wasn’t looking too sober as well, as I noticed later on) halted to take in one more man, which then sat on the lap of my friend. After sometime, close to the destination, the driver halted the vehicle at a stop for a person, who had to get down. I got down for that person to get out (he was sitting at the back). At that point, my friend sprang out from the front, clearly looking miffed, and quickly sat on the back-seat where I was sitting. I was surprised at this. I asked him to move to the next seat which was empty, but his mind was somewhere else, and he looked frustrated, and wasn't looking at me or paying heed to me. I repeated myself, but still he didn’t listen. I was standing outside, and was irritated a bit on him not listening to me. and the vehicle too couldn't move on due to this. Then the driver also asked him to sit on the same seat to which I myself was pointing at, to which my friend thought that he was asking him to re-occupy the front seat which he had just vacated. Thinking this, he started arguing with the driver, and pointed towards the guy in the front who had come and sat on his lap a while back. From there, it ensued, while the vehicle moved on.

    My friend and that guy in the front then got in a verbal entanglement; my friend spoke some unpleasant things in a rude manner, and that guy said – “look, how you are talking?!”, and then he started abusing my friend. I shouted at him to stop, to no avail. Then he said to my friend that he would ‘see’ him when the vehicle reaches the destination. By now it had become calm (before the storm). We reached the last stop after a few minutes, and there everybody got down (this stop is where all the pax-vehicles halt and carry passengers to ply on the same route again via which we had arrived). My friend too alighted, and stood behind me. This chap also had got down and stood still, till everyone had dispersed, and then he started moving ahead towards my friend. One elderly gentleman tried to calm him, to no avail. I paid the driver, and then tried to pacify this bugger. He started raising his voice with hand-gestures that clearly showed that he was trying to generate self-confidence (raising hands up and down), and started bragging about some nonsense that “i own 20 tempos here, you might have come from anywhere, I will cut you and kill you”, and all such vile crap. Seeing me intervening, he asked me in a mellowed tone – “is this fellow with you?!” (as if, taken by surprise, seemingly not noticing me till now in the heat of the moment). he seemed to be confused and on backfoot on seeing me intervening (I admit that I carry somewhat nasty looks [dark face, grim eyes, with a fairly big moustache], and a built larger than him; this might be why he seemed to be taken aback).

    A few seconds later, he reached for my friend’s collar very slowly (moving the hand/palm in a probing manner). I held his hand, and thought first to hit it near his elbow, from under it. However, I refrained, thinking that this might escalate the situation to another level, whereas there are still chances of diffusing the situation just by talking & pacification. I then just rather gently locked his arm into mine and took it off of my friend’s collar, thinking that probably this would get his attention from my friend to me, and then I could take it from there (as sometimes could be seen in street-fights, where the intervening person bears the brunt), and then I went to the driver (the driver was still there), and asked him to take this chap away and off from there, because all the while it looked like this rowdy was some local bully/thug or/and an acquaintance friend of the driver’s, as I didn’t see him paying the driver, and he had come frolicking with him all the way. Anyway, before turning towards the driver, I had gestured my friend to move off from there, and he had turned to go away (mistake!). While I was talking to the driver, this guy followed him, and as I turned around the back-corner of the tempo, I saw him from the distance (my friend and he being a couple of feet away from me by now) patting/hitting my friend on his head (like we hit our friends or small kids jokingly or when they err, with our palm), and my friend did turn, but not entirely to face him, but to check the traffic before crossing the road, as if the hit didn’t bother him. At this moment, I had an impulse, to hit, and distinctly remember a ‘warmth’, a sensation in my right elbow, in the arm of which I was carrying/holding my duffle-bag, and had this thought that at any instant now I will have to retaliate, and would hit that guy, whose entire back was towards me, with my right elbow, on the right side of his face with a sharp strike. i have been out of formal practice since a long time, but intermittently practice on my own, and have done quite some practice of elbow-strikes. I moved ahead, thinking that he would take my friend’s apparent lack of any reaction as a token to indulge himself, and start hitting him wherein I would be then required to finish it off, but what he did next within that moment was unprecedented, and bewildered my mind/body - he retreated, on seeing no reaction from my friend, but still abusing him in his false bravado, to cross the road. I knew not what to do, as his retreating now indicated that the situation was just diffused, and a move to take 'revenge' now could effectively mean re-igniting the situation & escalating it; it just felt so. i moved ahead, pulled this chap back while telling him there was no need of this and to not to touch him, he moved back to cross the road to the tempo-drivers who were standing at the other end of the road, spewing his venom, and I took my friend and crossed the road to the other end towards the railway station. All this while, the person who was sitting next to my friend in the tempo, joined us and then the 2 of them, this person and my friend, told me what the fiasco was all about (I didn’t know why it was happening, whatever was happening). Came to know then that while this bully had taken his seat on my friends’ lap, he was sitting very indecently and carelessly all the while, and when my friend got out at the midway-stop earlier to sit at the back, this chap had said grinning, that, why are you changing your seat NOW when the destination is near, which miffed my friend more, and from there it all took off. This other person almost commended my friend for showing restraint and not acting ‘foolishly’, as according to him, this is the area of that thug and his friends and such people, and things could’ve turned uglier.

    Anyway, during the whole thing, the biggest thing that was looming in our minds was that there’s a high chance that this guy might’ve his friends nearby, who might spring into action on seeing him getting thrashed, probably which is why we both had to control ourselves. Moreover, that place is anyway wrought with criminal activities, so, perhaps instinctively, diffusing the situation became our priority, and ego had to be kept on check, with the thought of hitting only if he persists in his antics or escalates the situation. Moreover, he never took me under his line of fire, of which perhaps am ‘thankful’ to him, and for which he should be thankful to himself too, as otherwise, I most probably would’ve lost my cool instantaneously and would’ve surely let my legs and hands do the talking, without regard to safety or anything; a bruised ego would’ve been let loose, about which I perhaps need to train myself to keep it in my pockets, esp. after seeing how my friend chose to remain calm in the face of a barrage of abuses. Had my friend even glanced at me when he turned half-back after being given a pat on the head, that would’ve sufficed, as a signal to press the ‘go’ button. but anyway. the following is what I thought upon deeply for several days in a bad disposition and analysed carefully:

    Mistakes committed :-

    1. Should’ve got down at the very spot where my friend had come out of his seat. However, he didn’t tell me the reason for it, and later on told me that from thereon, all the way he was thinking to tell and ask me what to do now; but he didn’t. mistake!

    2. Friend turning to leave the scene, with his back facing the bugger, and me not accompanying him.

    3. My friend carrying on with the verbal duel in the vehicle, which was completely unnecessary IMO.

    4. Should've moved on after getting out of the vehicle at our destination, instead of just standing there, what my friend did, what I did.

    5. Perhaps should've been more stern instead of pacifying with talking and trying to divert his attention, or/and should've hit him unconscious, and then walked away from there (but at the moment, we were not so sure about this), or perhaps, keeping the ego in check, carried on, as probably we did. However, am still confused on this. Sometimes it feels that it was a petty issue, and at other times it feels that should've satisfied ourselves by teaching him a lesson so that guys like him would behave themselves in future (though highly unlikely, but I like to think so; people are much more snobbish & arrogant in today's world to learn, accept, assimilate!). Seriously don't know what we did or didn't do was the correct thing to do at THAT moment or not, that time, when thinking in details goes for a toss! But I believe that had he turned upon me, the story would've been altogether different! I appreciate my friend's (calm) demeanour at that time.

    6. I leave it upto you members to point/suggest one from your understanding of the matter.


    the following are from the news....

    SECOND:

    a man with some of his women relatives and friends is driving a car, when some drunkards on bikes taunt and start chasing them, on a busy city-road; after a while, they stop the vehicle, start creating ruckus, hit at the car's windows, climb atop the car, abuse the passengers, and all such nonsense; a little while later, they get thrashed by the public and are given over to the police.

    THIRD:

    a teenager goes to watch a movie in a movie-hall with his friends, there, sitting behind him, are some local thugs, but young guys; one of them puts his legs on this person's seat, to which the teen objects. happens for a second time, he again objects angrily. then during the interval, he is called by that goon outside the hall to 'settle the matter', the teen goes without his friends, while the goons go together, and there, they stab and kill him, and try to run away. one gets caught by the public.

    FOURTH:

    a young man, while walking, sees his favourite film star at some distance; goes close to have a better look, and perhaps unknowingly, gets in within close proximity of his vehicle, to which one of the celebrity's giant bodyguards took objection and yelled at him (there was a crowd there, that could be the reason for the guard's frustration) and started abusing him, the young man took objection to this, and gets slapped by the bodyguard! he then went to the nearby police-station and lodged a complaint, and the guard was summoned by the police.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    there are umpteen such incidents that take place everyday, in any part of the world. we come across them either in the news or come to know about them through some other source. it could happen to any of us. for instance, if we get somehow get embroiled in an argument/fight in our locality, and the opponent too hails from there, the next time you leave your home, he could be waiting at some corner with his friends to engage you; then should he be decapitated at the first instance itself when the fight had occurred, to avoid this scenario? many questions, many possibilities. what could be our general behaviour to either avoid, or prevent, or then tackle such situations? what could've the above-mentioned fellows done to avoid/prevent or tackle the situations, as written above?
    i have my own answers to them. perhaps each has his/her own answers. but still, would like to know the basic demeanour we should carry. for one, i believe in and try to practice the following:

    1. be discreet in one's speech and actions. talk less, be more aware, be deliberate, be moderate/practice moderation.
    2. remain aware/conscious of your surroundings & the situations, take it in slow and steady, keep breathing deep (this is important).
    3. size does matter, atleast sometimes, as a visual deterrent. getting big & strong by training with weights, PLUS, keep practising & improving on one's self-defence & body & mind-conditioning skills - this latter part is of more significance.
    4. keeping safety and security equipment with you always, like small scissors, knife, pepper-spray cans, a small stick, or whatever you could imagine would be good for inflicting damage, plus safety-equipment like underpants with in-stitched groin-guards, sometimes shin-guards, etc.
    5. not be snobbish and arrogant. be prepared to apologise when you've erred, keep a smile ready and handy, even if someone else is at fault.
    6. keep ego in check, as well as keep your aggression under positive control (ie, ready to fire if/when its needed; the 'anus contracting' method it appears to me is helpful in this, to conserve/release the energy & aggression in bouts).

    am sure and i know that there are many more. would request you to please share your experiences and knowledge.

    thanks for reading!

  2. #2
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    Well you are throwing a bit much at us, so rather than deal with the specific incidents, I'll address the answers you gave to your own questions:

    1. be discreet in one's speech and actions. talk less, be more aware, be deliberate, be moderate/practice moderation.
    2. remain aware/conscious of your surroundings & the situations, take it in slow and steady, keep breathing deep (this is important).
    3. size does matter, atleast sometimes, as a visual deterrent. getting big & strong by training with weights, PLUS, keep practising & improving on one's self-defence & body & mind-conditioning skills - this latter part is of more significance.
    Yes, yes and yes. I might add to not keep company with those that don't practice 1 as well. And part of remaining conscious of one's surroundings is to avoid known high crime areas, but that may not be possible for all people everywhere.

    4. keeping safety and security equipment with you always, like small scissors, knife, pepper-spray cans, a small stick, or whatever you could imagine would be good for inflicting damage, plus safety-equipment like underpants with in-stitched groin-guards, sometimes shin-guards, etc.
    Beware of appearing that you are looking for a fight. The groin guards/shin guards are a bit silly for everyday wear unless one is a professional (security, police, what have you) or you happen to be going to kickboxing class.... otherwise I advocate carrying weapons that you can legally carry, that you can conveniently carry and will do so regularly, and with which you are well practiced.

    5. not be snobbish and arrogant. be prepared to apologise when you've erred, keep a smile ready and handy, even if someone else is at fault.
    6. keep ego in check, as well as keep your aggression under positive control (ie, ready to fire if/when its needed; the 'anus contracting' method it appears to me is helpful in this, to conserve/release the energy & aggression in bouts).
    Yes and yes. Though I'll leave the anus contracting to you, and no, I don't really need to hear about it.
    Last edited by Hissho; 18th June 2014 at 22:40.
    Kit Leblanc

    In Harm's Way

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    Thanks for the response, Hissho! i admit that that's indeed much to read. had tried to be brief without sacrificing much on details, but still regrettably its come out long.
    noted your points. thanks for writing them! and the last one, even though i won't elaborate, but its a method/practice from hatha yoga & wudang quan (and probably from some others too).

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    Best "self defense" in the world is "common sense."

    Buddy of mine spent about 10 years training in a really hard-core style of combatives--couple of hours per day, 6 days a week. Weight training, full contact sparring, mat work, ground games, boxing, road work etc.

    And he needed it--got it some serious altercations several times a year.

    Then he got married, stopped hanging out in dodgy bars and hanging out with sketchy people---all of sudden like---he was not gettting to fights at all and his "need" or preceived "need" of all those skills was gone.

    Did he waste his time?---he think he might have. Don't know myself, I'd argue that his skills and training were not "wasted."

    You can't see the future---but he could have changed his behavior at any time and greatly reduced his risk.
    Chris Thomas

    "While people are entitled to their illusions, they are not entitled to a limitless enjoyment of them and they are not entitled to impose them upon others."

    "Team Cynicism" MVP 2005-2006
    Currently on "Injured/Reserve" list due to a scathing Sarcasm pile-up.

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    indeed, your argument is what i would concur with.

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