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Thread: Ha ha kama stories?

  1. #1
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    Wink

    Anyone have any funny stories involving hakama? It seems that this piece of clothing for some reason, can cause problems with Westerners at times.
    John Lindsey

    Oderint, dum metuant-Let them hate, so long as they fear.

  2. #2
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    Default You bet!

    We used to use the term "hakama-nage" to refer to one of the secret Yudansha techniques in Aikido. The secret ability of otherwise skilled students to be thrown forcefully with their own pants! Shaolin monks have nothing on that!

    And with no further ado, a little story:

    -At a seminar a few years ago with a very senior Aikido Shihan, one of the senior students was called up for ukemi. The student jumped up and rushed across the mat to keep the Shihan from waiting, and just as they reached the center of the mat stomped on their own hakama spreading themselves at the feet of the guest instructor. The Shihan immediately put his right foot on uke's back clapped his hands (a la Daito Ryu) and declared "Hai, dozo!" (roughly "There, now you try!" indicating we should now perform this technique).
    Christian Moses
    **Certified Slimy, Moronic, Deranged and Demented Soul by Saigo-ha Daito Ryu!**
    Student of:
    Shinto Ryu Iai-Battojutsu
    Tuesday Night Bad Budo Club (TM)

  3. #3
    Meik Skoss Guest

    Default hahakama stories

    Yeah. That idiot Bluce Ree film about Russians in China in the '30s and the Japanese being total a--holes in and around Shanghai. Bluce was tlaining in a venue with the picture of Che I-Chai (if I recall correctly).

    The " 'merican kuhroddy" dude playing one of 'em there bad guys, being a Japanese stylist donchaknow?, wore a keiko gi and one o' them hahakama thingies, with the koshiita facing to the front. I guess it meant was to help absorb the power of the Righteous Fists/som'dam'thing.

    Anyway, this was back around '71 or '72. After the film (when emotions were *well* and truly stirred up), the idiot playing the part got up there on the stage of the Bella Union to break a free-floating board (i.e., held only by the top two corners). He tried twice and failed both times. There were, literally, fights in the aisles between some of the young Chinese bucks, all of whom wanted to pop up on stage/flat-out waste 'im for his temerity. (Remember, that particular film played very heavily toward anti-Jap'nee sentiments' the medium did, as McLuhan suggested, serve as the me[a?]ssage). The whole exercise was an exercise in spin, even before the term was invented. Jack Wada (Aikido of San Jose) was with me and can add to this story.

    Nothing to do with hahakama, per se, except as a prop, incorrectly worn, but I recall that rather "interesting" incident. Talk about eating large doses of undercooked crow! And without salt! Eeeeewwwww...

  4. #4
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    Default

    I was once at a sword seminar here in Australia, one of the people who participated had never worn a Hakama and believed it was the right ting to wear a hakama concidering that the majority of us wear them (for normal everyday training as well as for the sword.)

    He kindly asked his instructor to help him put it on (not a good idea concidering the warped sence of humor most martial artists have) so his instructor helped him by telling him to breath in and tied it as tight as he could (it was reminicent of someone puting a sadle on a horse).

    Needless to say he did the 4 hous seminar in the hakama tide as tight as it was and at the end when he took it off you could see the marks of where he tide it from accross the room (ouch!!).
    I do not whish to know all the answers, only the Questions to ask.

  5. #5
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    Default

    Half a year ago Toshishiro Obata sensei visited Amsterdam to give a seminar. At the end of the very last day of the seminar I was painstakingly folding my home-made (and impossible to fold nicely, I might add) hakama on the floor. I was having a bit of a struggle, but Obata sensei was standing close-by (maybe watching) and I didn't want to just fold the bugger up sloppily like I normally do. Halfway through my efforts he came up to me smiling and told me (I don't remember the words) I was making too much of a fuss and that there is a much easier way to do this. He removed his hakama and blindingly fast folded it on his chest while standing...something that I never managed to duplicate.

    It's funny to think that he has demonstrated a gazillion devastating techniques in that couple of days but he kept the best one for the very end.
    Menno van Slooten
    http://www.shinkendo.nl

  6. #6
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    Talking Heh heh.

    Mine goes something like this.

    In kendo class, leading a drill: "All right, you guys, come on, now. Line up and do exactly what I do, do it like this..."

    Goes to strike the first men, steps on hahakama and immediately... falls. And is righteously jeered.

    Kind of an aside, and may be too gross for folks but... anybody ever ripped one through one's hahakama during an inopportune moment? Nothing like coming up to maii during kata, all serious and intent, raising the sword from gedan to chudan, a pause before initiating the action...

    Ppppppppppppbbbbbbtttttttt!

  7. #7
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    Unhappy

    When I purchased a new hakama a while ago the shopkeep told me about some guy he once saw strutting around at a seminar in a brand new hak. Nothing wrong there except this plonker hadn’t removed the white thread that ran down the back of his new hakama…

    Less funny story : One of the guys in our dojo took up his hakama hem as it was slightly too long. One night late last year the hem dropped down at the front. He didn’t notice until he caught his toe in it while taking ukemi and landed flat on his face, aggravating an old shoulder injury. He’s been out of his Judo class since and is currently taking steroid injections in the shoulder. This confirmed my suspicion that hakama are (literally) pants.

    Maybe the Japanese invented the hakama cos they didn’t have any shoelaces to trip on?

  8. #8
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    Default

    One of my Sensei's best friends was visiting and I was taking ukemi for katatetori koshinage. Everything went fine until he put his hip under my center. . .and stood on my hakama. I couldn't move. The thought went through my head that we'd have to start over, so I relaxed a bit. There was a small pause, and then the Sensei (who thought I was resisting) doubled his power and over I went, feet almost touching the ceiling. Then he cracked the whip so I slammed into the mat, knocking the wind out of me. As I lay there trying to uncross my eyes he asked why I had resisted the technique. Everyone got a good laugh when I explained what had happened.

    Neal Hinerman

  9. #9
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    Default Hakama funnies

    This story isn't nearly as good as some here, however....

    One day I was a little late for class and got dressed in a big hurry. I was rushing to the door of the dojo when I noticed my legs felt a little constricted and realized that I had put both legs down one side of the hakama. I immediately stopped and got myself organized.

    Now, if had actually made it out to the mat to line up with my fellow aikidoka this would be a _really_ funny story...but I think I'm just as happy that didn't happen.

    As for gaseous emissions... One of our senior students was called up by the Sensei to be uke in a demonstration. He received a throw and produced a very noticeable sound effect when he rolled. The class [which included several newbies, a couple of them cute girls we were all checking out ] managed to keep a straight face, but the level of awe for this particular practitioner [he's a very big muscular guy with good technique] was somewhat reduced...
    David Anderson
    Calgary, Alberta


    "Swords are the rosary of Aikido"

    D. H. Skoyles Sensei 04/03/01

    Nakayamakai KoAikido dojo

  10. #10
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    Talking True story.

    All right. Forgive me for this one. It's funny how, as you get older, your relatives start telling you stuff you never knew. Well, my grandad shared this doozy with me when he was up from Florida last.

    Apparently after the war but before he married my grandmother he and a buddy were in a wrestling club, and used to go the the Y or whatever and grapple on the mat every week. One time he had his buddy in a scissor hold around the middle. His buddy starts going, "Alec, lemme go. Alec, lemme go."

    "Not a chance," says my grandad, squeezing harder.

    "No, Alec, you don't understand - lemme go before I poop - oh, too late."

    True story! Grandad squeezed the, er, poop out of his buddy, and the unfortunate friend soiled his singlet!

    That was as good as the story behind the one of Alec and his brothers in the Havana bar. Apparently, a few seconds after that photo was taken, in walked half a dozen Marines. Alec was in the Army, his brothers in the Navy, so a little inter-service rivalry (fueled by tequila) started flying. Grandad said, "So I says, get yer back to the wall, Frenchy, and we'll get out of here. Sure enough, we flattened those Marines and got the hell out of there."

    Sorry for hijacking this thread with doo-doo and war stories; I figured it was an open invite to anything funny.

  11. #11
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    Red face Oh...My...Gawwwwd (in gen-you-wine "Valley-girle speak")

    Year: 1973
    Location: Peoria, Ill.
    Event: Bob Trias Karate Tournament.

    I'm there to demo Mugai Ryu iai (and to get my butt kicked in kumite!). Back stage are two kendo people standing around in keikogi and hakama.

    Red Flag goes up, "dope-o-meter" klaxon is sounding loudly!! Both gents are wearing their hakama back-to-front. Well, being the kind soul I am and not wanting *anything* to have an adverse impact on budo (Hidetaka "Hidy" Ochiai sensei was the guest of honor) ... so, I promptly pull the guys to the corner of the dressing room and teach them how to wear and tie the hakama. They were SO thankful.

    As they departed to go on the floor in full bogu, I asked,"By the way, where did you learn kendo?" "Oh," says one, "we haven't learned kendo -- we just bought the equipment from a catalogue and practice in my back yard!"

    Urgh!

    I tried to talk with Ochiai sensei prior to my iaido demo but he wouldn't even give me the time of day. After my enbu, he came up to me and thanked me for demonstrating genuine iaido! Maybe he thought I had the same teachers as did the kendo guys?

    Ahhhhhhh .... Fond memories. Oh, I took third place for weapons ... but don'cha know they had no goo-gaws for third?

    --Guy
    Guy H. Power
    Kenshinkan Dojo

  12. #12
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    Red face Okay, Okay ... Just ONE more story

    Year: 1969
    Location: Bangkok Thailand
    Event: Visiting my highschool sweetheart

    Okay, this is embarassing, so you guys and gals who get offended easily just may want to pass this one up.

    I lived in Bangkok as an army-brat from 1968-1970. Throughout this time I studied Changmukwan, and had a strong interest in Japanese swords. During my Sophmore and Junior year some of my friends were children of Japanese businessmen, and I finally got to link up with kendo when my they learned of my interest. But that occured in the last 8 months of my stay.

    Back to the HAKAMA story... Being consumed with things Japanese, I wanted to ensure my new hakama fit properly. I took the hakama to my girlfriend (we'll call her "Noriko") and asked her to "teach me how to wear the hakama." Okay, okay ... yeah, I already knew.

    Well, it just so happened that we timed this "lesson plan" to take place when her parents weren't at home. Noriko and I had already learned how to undress, so that part was no problem. She gently guided me inside (of the hakama), and firmly wrapped her leg....I mean ...she wrapped the himo around my waist, and then I got knotted.

    We then begain keiko. This was koryu keiko, no ordinary "gendai budo" This was "Sei-do kan" (Toby!!) grappling waza with lots of newaza. She was a great senpai, cuz we were both sweating profusely. However, not really understanding the mysteries of the hiden mokuroku, I volunteered two more times for mat time. I guess this was really kumiuchi of some sort, the type taught at the Futon-kan.

    Well, just as I was almost getting my grip, and had kuzushi in the most unbalanced and precarious position --- (and envisioning the forthcoming seionage in my mind) ... HER MOTHER RATTLES THE LOCKED DOORKNOB !!!

    Bam! It was all over for me. With both feet firmly planted in my tanden, Noriko did a failed attemtp at tomoenage --I let loose with the sloppiest ukemi you'd ever imagine.

    My hakama was ruined. My beautiful, brand new indigo-blue hakama has NEVER been the same since. I still have the damage -- it shows to this day; but no one would ever guess what caused the damage (except for Bill Clinton, Monica Lewinsky, and a DNA scientist).

    So, that ends the tail (erhum) of my hakama encounter. I won't bore you with how quickly I composed myself (I tried hiding in the corner!!) ... And I won't tell you how forgiving the mother was ("PLEEEEEZE don't tell her father!!!!) ... and I won't tell you anything else -- because everything else had nothing to do with the hakama.

    I still have it ... I do. It's over 30 years old. Funny thing though -- all my friends had dressmakers make their hakama. Not ME! Uh-un! "Ain't no steenkin DRESSMAKER gonna make MY hakama! So siree. I'll have a TAILOR do it! I'm a man!

    Crud, all my friend's hakama fold so nicely and the hems are so even. Mine? Well, I discovered that tailors sure as hell don't know about pleats! Good thing I didn't try to take a kilt to him.

    Thats all for now (none of my students better read this. If ya do --- mention it to me, or even smile suspiciously and I'll cut your ears off!)

    Regards,
    Guy
    Guy H. Power
    Kenshinkan Dojo

  13. #13
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    Talking

    Hakama hiden waza Bangkok style :-)

  14. #14
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    Guy,

    Look out bud. You are a 10th dan in Sei Do Kan. Yessuuureebob!

    What talent, what flexability, what ingenuity.......what timing!

    LOL

    Tobs

  15. #15
    Kenji Fujiwara Guest

    Default Sei Do Kan

    Hhmmm. Sei is written with heart radical? Very powerful system.

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