Wow. Good timing. I've been dwelling on this issue of late as well, being as my wife and I are considering having children. It is a very difficult issue, but not as difficult as I initially thought. In discussions with Otake and his charming wife, he has mentioned that no one can really understand the real significance of TSKSR until they have a family (wife AND children), because they cannot experience the maturing effects (I know some who don't believe being married and having children is necessary for maturity will burst here, but that?fs just too bad.) that it brings and they can?ft feel that driving force to defend and fight for what they love (which is the ultimate aim of Iizasa Choisai Ienao?fs founding the school, not to use as a means to gain land and power).
On a side note, after much research, Otake Sensei has failed to find any evidence that KSR people took part in offensive battles (that's not to say they didn't, but until someone who can actually walk the walk can give me some goods on the situation, I will take this as a given). In fact, he discovered through studying the history of Chiba Prefecture and the Katori area in specific that they evidently refused to ally with neighboring groups to participate in a bloody feud in that area in the 15th century (I believe it was). Also, the school has been highly community based since its inception and included non-bushi in its roster being as the founder was a goshi (farmer samurai) himself.
Anyway, what this all says is that family and community are the very core of the TSKSR, and the two are by no means mutually exclusive. The Big Guy has said it himself. For that very reason, he enjoys hearing about student's plans to have children. More than anybody, he realizes the value of family and that it comes before everything else. While there is that essence of "The school comes first" at the Shinbukan, it is laced with a more reasonable "After family duties are attended to" attitude. The expectation is that you will 1. provide for family, 2. attend to duties as a students and 3. use what remaining time you have for your own enrichment and whatnot, and finally 4. get sleep (hehe).
I am not quite sure that maintaining such a zealous 100% attitude throughout one?fs life is healthy. One should attend regularly and exert themselves to exhaustion, but without a little flexibility in thinking, one is liable to becoming a little goofy if you know what I mean. I personally believe that one can have their cake and eat it too. The problem, if you can call it that, with dedicated martial artists is that they hold to the ?geverything or nothing?h frame of mind. This serves them well in everything they do. Anything of worth should be tackled with an unswerving diligence and zeal. So when they have children, I believe they have the potential to be good parents, because they apply that same conscientiousness.
I myself, have wracked my brains over whether I should give up koryu when I have children because I don't want to become mediocre in both, especially parenting. But that is a very inflexible viewpoint. I don't think any teacher would want to loose such loyal and well-trained students because those students couldn't put in the overtime they used to when they were single, no more than that teacher would want to loose that student because they are aging and can't bounce as high as they once could. Every student that has earnestly applied himself or herself and learned the forms and teaching and history of a school well is a model and guide to be looked up to by new and budding students. Their absence is a very great loss to any school. It isn't just about them and whether they feel content with their training and progress, it's about the beneficial presence they have in merely being in the school. In that sense, they owe it to the school to stick around, even if only after they have first spent time with that cute little goober that has their eyes and poops profusely. And you know what? The homey feel that people get when they visit the Shinbukan? That is probably the efect of having so many husbands and fathers in attendance, and having the father of father, Otake Sensei, at the helm of the school. Too hard and compassionaless of an atmosphere is not real koryu. It is a perversion of it in my mind.
So what if you cannot put in as much time as younger students? They have much farther to go to build their foundation than you do to finish off yours and move on to the finer principles of the art. They damn well SHOULD work harder than you. There is farther distance for them to travel to reach your skill level as new students than for you as a veteran to fionish polishing your leftovers (That is not to say that veteran students can get sloppy and lax in their training).
But, Bad Mo' Joe, I don?ft know what school you belong to or what the unique culture of the school is, so this may or may not help. I can only speak about what I know. I?fm not very good at expressing myself, which is why it takes me six paragraphs to say what would take someone else two. But I hope this is of some benefit.
Greg Ellis
I like autumn best of all, because its tone is mellower, its colors are richer and it is tinged with a little sorrow. Its golden richness speaks not of the innocence of spring, nor the power of summer, but of the mellowness and kindly wisdom of approaching age. It knows the limitations of life and it is content.