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Prince Loeffler
27th October 2003, 21:45
Halloween's here, so brace yourselves for a real horror:

Most guys would rather fling themselves into a pit of flesh-eating zombies than grapple with the age-old dating issues they're truly terrified by. Here are some things you should be careful not to say the equivalent of sneaking up behind your boyfriend and yelling "Boo!"

"Does your bathroom always look like this?"

Granted, a three-hour burst of frenzied scrubbing is no substitute for diligent, long-term maintenance. Guys are terrified of coming off as slobs, so better to praise the 45 percent that's clean than criticize the 55 percent that's not.

"By the way, we're having dinner with Edgar and Diane next week."

If a guy's not scared enough that you're already doing "couple" things, scheduling them without consultation (and especially during Monday Night Football) is sure to make him run screaming into the night.

"You're not really going to wear that, are you?"

Just because we've been dressing ourselves for twenty or thirty years doesn't mean we're not open to suggestions. But most guys, when they hear this question, break out in a cold sweat and picture themselves in a tutu and ballet slippers.

"Don't worry, kitty won't bite."

No, she won't bite, but she'll scratch, shed and shred furniture. It's a known scientific fact (you can look it up) that, way deep down, 75 percent of guys are terrified of cats.

"I don't think I care for your friend Jimmy."

So what if Jimmy covered your back during that sixth-grade dodgeball game and you've been bosom buddies ever since? No guy wants a new relationship to crowd out his old friends. More to the point, no guy wants his old friends to accuse him of being "whipped" by his new gal pal.

"What are you thinking?"

Such a simple question, and yet so fraught. Here's a peek into the average guy's thought processes: Does she want an honest answer? Does she want me to make something up? If I say the wrong thing, will she send me to clean the bathroom?

"My mom and dad really want to meet you."

No guy expects to be liked by his girlfriend's parents; mild disapproval would be a good outcome, and homicidal loathing is always a distinct possibility. And, of course, today's girlfriend's mom is tomorrow's mother-in-law.

"You were snoring, so I slept on the couch."

One of the great things about being alone, and then not being alone, is all the wonderful things you learn about your sleeping habits. Go easy on the revelations; if things work out, you and your beau will have plenty of time to accommodate each others' nocturnal quirks.

"Great news! My sister/friend/cousin is engaged/married/pregnant."

Competition, from a guy's point of view, is a powerful thing. It may or may not be what you intended, but when your boyfriend hears this, he visualizes himself with a big red target painted on his back. (Or some other part of his anatomy.)

"Does this dress make my hips look big?"

I once knew a guy who ripped his own head off rather than answer this question. Believe me, he's much better off.

BC
30th October 2003, 18:12
And don't forget:

"Can we talk?"

and:

"I need to tell you something. But first, promise me you won't get mad."

ZanShin2003
30th October 2003, 20:10
How about...

"Vasectomy.:nin:"
:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

Julian Gerhart
30th October 2003, 21:36
"could you pick me up a a box of tampons on your way home?"

larsen_huw
31st October 2003, 08:11
Originally posted by Julian Gerhart
"could you pick me up a a box of tampons on your way home?"

Hell yeah, there's just so much damn choice!!!!

The chances of you coming home with the right box are zero! :)

I don't really see the difference between one fuzzy stick of tightly packed cotton wool and another!

Although that may be because i've never used them! :laugh:

And as an added bonus, your female partner probably won't be in the best of moods anyway if she's in need of tampons! :) So you'll get your head bitten off for the heinous crime of mistaking Always Ultra Thin and Light for Always Ultra Nights or whatever!

StanLee
31st October 2003, 11:12
Huw you seem to know your tampons quite well...

I guess the ultimate words a male don't want to hear is

"Is that all you've got?";)

larsen_huw
31st October 2003, 11:20
Originally posted by StanLee
Huw you seem to know your tampons quite well...

I guess the ultimate words a male don't want to hear is

"Is that all you've got?";)

Since moving in with my g/f in the summer my knowledge has increased exponentially! :laugh:

Suprisingly i've never heard "Is that all you've got?" ... i tend to get "Oh my god! Where am i supposed to fit all that!"

...
...
...

I WISH!!! :D

StanLee
31st October 2003, 11:26
Originally posted by larsen_huw

Suprisingly i've never heard "Is that all you've got?" ... i tend to get "Oh my god! Where am i supposed to fit all that!"


OMG! Where am i supposed to fit all that gut!

:D

larsen_huw
31st October 2003, 11:28
Originally posted by StanLee
OMG! Where am i supposed to fit all that gut!

:D

Not me, i'm very streamlined.

6 foot tall and 10 stone 4.

stoker
3rd November 2003, 14:19
Originally posted by larsen_huw
Hell yeah, there's just so much damn choice!!!!

The chances of you coming home with the right box are zero! :)

I don't really see the difference between one fuzzy stick of tightly packed cotton wool and another!

Although that may be because i've never used them! :laugh:

And as an added bonus, your female partner probably won't be in the best of moods anyway if she's in need of tampons! :) So you'll get your head bitten off for the heinous crime of mistaking Always Ultra Thin and Light for Always Ultra Nights or whatever!

Had a sister-in-law request Playtex tampons with applicator, "Since you are going to the store anyway." I walked into the previously untrod isle of feminine hygene products at the local store and found out there were roughly 1,847 variations of Playtex tampons with appicator -- scented, unscented, cruise control, four wheel drive, overhead cam, etc. A store clerk came by, saw my freightened expression and took pitty on my by handing me a box that she said was what I wanted."

Return home and the sister in-law gave the package one glance, "Oh, I need the ultra-thins!"

I decided it was much easier to fake a coma for the next few years than go back to the store.

shotofan
20th December 2003, 19:30
Not to night. I have a headache.
I love you. I'm just not in love with you.
Lets be friends.

Shitoryu Dude
20th December 2003, 20:13
I just don't do her chick shopping for her. It's all a game anyway and I refuse to play it. It's not as if it catches them by surprise and it never happened before - she just wants to see if she can make you jump through hoops.

:beer:

koma
24th December 2003, 20:22
"You are a really nice guy! Any woman would be lucky to have you as a boy-friend, BUT......"

Desmond
28th December 2003, 01:16
From an ex-girlfriend

"I missed my period but I'm sure it's ok."

D.H.

Budoka 34
28th December 2003, 02:06
I swear I've never heard this myself.



"Oh isn't that cute, it looks like a penis,




ONLY SMALLER!":laugh:




:smilejapa

Prince Loeffler
6th February 2004, 17:54
What men should not say during a crisis !

Shiro
7th February 2004, 00:41
My ex-gf started laughing the first time she saw me wearing my hakama..... :) "How am I going to explain to mom you wear a dress?!" she added....... :p

kmorgan
7th February 2004, 03:49
"Here can you hold my purse while I go in here for a minute..."
I just love hanging around the mall, with all the other husbands holding purses.

Ken Morgan

SeventhSentinel
11th February 2004, 19:55
How's this for bravery...

In an intimate position this girl I knew for awhile began her breakup with her ex with the phrase

"so how much longer do I have to fake this for?"

And after I found that out I took her to bed... I fear NOTHING! heh

BudoGrrl
25th February 2004, 09:21
Originally posted by Julian Gerhart
"could you pick me up a a box of tampons on your way home?"

I have been a cashier for a major grocery chain, and I can tell you straight up that I have seen a few men go trough the checkout lane with a box of tampons and not break out in a cold sweat. One I have actualy seem quite confident in his masculinity when in the line with a box in his small order.

Alex Schellinger

BudoGrrl
25th February 2004, 09:32
Ok, this will play on your fear of the little white monstrosities...

I heard this actualy happened.....


A man walks into the grocery store to buy tampons for his wife. He grumbles as he gets the box then gets to the check out. The girl looks it over and can't find the price...the thing all men dread at this moment comes to pass....price check.

The girl goes over the intercom and blares out in front of the Divine and everyone, "I need a price check on tampax".

Now the stock boy half-hears the intercom announcement and thinks the girl says "thumbtaks". So he walks over to hardware and finds there are two kinds. He gets on the phone/intercom and anounces in a louder voice,"Do you want the ones you push in or the kind you hammer in?"

Alex Schellinger

Gloi
25th February 2004, 10:59
One Xmas when my friend's kids were young they wanted to decorate the tree by themselves. They spent ages doing it and then called in mum and dad to see the finished result. Amongst the other decorations they had taken all the tampons from the bathroom, unwrapped them and tied them on the tree by their strings saying they were 'icicles'. The kids were most upset at having to remove them before the visitors arrived.:p

jmstallard
21st July 2004, 15:27
Originally posted by kmorgan
"Here can you hold my purse while I go in here for a minute..."
I just love hanging around the mall, with all the other husbands holding purses.

Ken Morgan

An old girfriend of mine told me they do that so other women in the mall know you're taken.

And yet when I try to get my name tattooed on the back of her neck so guys know she's taken, they get mad. What's up with that?!

shotofan
21st July 2004, 16:43
And woman say they don't do the double standard thing....

Ronin055
23rd July 2004, 16:57
I have heard tale of the worst thing a man can hear is... .. ..


"is it in yet?"

Kikbaq
5th October 2004, 05:26
"What if your parents come home?"

Though I must say that the best thing a man can hear is usually along the lines of: ... "mwfff nghho fnnnnw, cough cough":D

Kimpatsu
5th October 2004, 15:38
Originally posted by ZanShin2003
How about...

"Vasectomy.:nin:"
Nah; that's a snip.









It proves you're a cut above the rest.
:D

Kimpatsu
5th October 2004, 15:41
Originally posted by Shiro
My ex-gf started laughing the first time she saw me wearing my hakama..... :) "How am I going to explain to mom you wear a dress?!" she added....... :p
What about all those of us who wear kilts?

Tripitaka of AA
6th October 2004, 13:44
I've been purchasing my wife's sanitary bits and bobs for years. It doesn't even register with me unless the cashier gives me a funny look. One time an elderly lady muttered that "I'd never let my husband buy those...". I replied "Oh I always buy the tissues, I haven't worked out what she does with them, but apparently they're individually wrapped! I prefer Kleenex myself".