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Thread: Calming people down: Teacup and saucer

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2000
    Sierra Vista
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    Default Calming people down: Teacup and saucer

    Dear all,

    I just read Stephen KIng's "Langoliers" and there was this little part that stuck and I want to get some professional feedback.

    There was this part in the book where a young lady came running up screaming at the British commando and at first he told her to say:


    and then he had her say

    and SAUCER

    Will something like that really calm people down?

    Can I calm MYSELF doing a phrase like that?

    Any input would be appreciated--Jody

  2. #2
    Dan Harden Guest


    I don't know the book or the movie (it was a movie right?) or even the parameters of your artificial example. It sounds like a simple tool of distraction (shake her out of her heightened response) and then focus (look at me and repeat). It helps to capture their mindset. There are great books and thoughts on this subject. With my writing skills-or lack thereof, I won’t attempt to go into it. Suffice to say that most things that work in a boardroom work on a battlefield and everything in between. You will not be successful in distracting an invading division by talking to them but the principle of distraction and focus works just as well if you flank them with small squads with a whole bunch of ordinance and induce a lot of casualties.
    Playing with people’s minds is playing with people’s minds-period. The study of man and their responses works when you are presenting to a board-you read their intent and interest, read their body language-are they getting fidgety? Should you move on?
    When having to introduce uncomfortable materials-did you overstate your case –did you loose eye contact with the room? Are they looking down?
    How do you regain the moment? Introduce humor and analogy- Help them to see the problem from an outside angle, as in “We are not alone” “We don’t own this.” Then before they look for an answer you offer it. “He has the answer for us”…right on into them thinking “WE have the answer together.”
    Most –not all people can be moved around mentally. And that includes us- as in me and you. Study yourself and how you respond to others. Be the pokerfaced boardroom exec.

    Be the guy salesman hate. I am. I have them on edge during the whole scene-going from personal connection to distraction from a close, to letting them lead me to the end, only to have me change and start over. This includes empathy with their job and what its like dealing with a tough customer, lots of humor so they relate and are wondering why they like me but they can’t close- then getting the deal that I want. It’s easier now then it used to be. Most sales people are not trained well anymore. They have a half-assed sales “rep” mentality going in instead of a focus to close the deal. I just bought some new Furniture-the saleswomen kept going AFTER she closed the deal and left three other customers waiting till one family left.I shut her up by thanking her told her to go take care of her customers. This sort of stuff is all around us and happens everyday if you watch. She missed the cues that I was finished, she didn't watch the body language of her floor customers, she failed to see the signals where the family was talking about leaving and reading a furniture add in her own store! No observational skills.
    BTW I mentioned wanting temperpedic pillows at the onset-she missed it twice. I waited till she had all the paperwork done. I brought up the pillows and then the people waiting-she threw the pillows in AND apologized. Clueless from the get go
    So there you go-furniture buying as it relates to Combatives.

    Doing it to yourself to calm yourself down” You can distract yourself with a focus on breathing and un-focusing a room or environment. But, first and foremost B-R-E-A-T-H (It is surprising how easy it is to upset that in people). When going into a stressed situation It is great to remain focused on a goal-when stressed maintain that focus. But I have seen men fall apart when the situation changed suddenly. So flexible mindset to changing circumstance while maintaining focus on your goal takes priority.
    The only way to get there is to go there and fail. Then you learn.
    Learing to control ourselves is learning to control our world.
    Learing to control our body in conflict is learnng to understand their body to win a fight

    Don’t try any of that with your wife-women are an ever-changing environment. She’ll eat you up.


    "A reasonable man looks at the world and tries to fit in to it.
    An unreasonable man looks at the world and tries to make it change to suit him.
    No small wonder that the world is ruled by unreasonable men."
    George Bernard Shaw
    Last edited by Dan Harden; 18th June 2002 at 12:09.

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