Likes Likes:  0
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 33

Thread: Frequently Asked STUPID questions at your Dojo

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Location
    Gardena
    Posts
    2,842
    Likes (received)
    0

    Default Frequently Asked STUPID questions at your Dojo

    These are real questions asked ....I'll start !

    Prospect: Do you teach Self-Defense ? I want my kid to defend himself out on the street !

    Me: How old is your child ?

    Prospect: 3 1/2 years old



    __________________________________________________

    Prospect: Do you guys teach Samurai Swords ?

    Me: Huh ?


    ___________________________________________________

    Prospect: How long will I train to get my Black Belt ?

    Me: How soon do you need it ?



    ____________________________________________________

    Prospect: Your Ads says that you charge $100 per month unlimited training.

    Me. Yes

    Prospect: How many times a week can train then ?

    Me: How many days are there in a week ?

    Propect: Five ?
    Last edited by Prince Loeffler; 11th October 2006 at 03:16.
    Prince Loeffler
    Shugyokan Dojo

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    Bacolod City, Philippines
    Posts
    134
    Likes (received)
    2

    Default

    Prospect: Can I get to black-belt level in three months?
    Instructor: If you're superhuman

    New Student: Sir, I want to impress my friends at the party I'm going to. May I bring two of the assistant instructors with me so I can look like I have bodyguards?
    Instructor: Does this look like a security agency?

    Beginner: If I pay extra, will you teach me the "Death Touch" right now?
    Instructor: Duh
    Hieroteo Villarosa V

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Location
    Seattle
    Posts
    189
    Likes (received)
    2

    Default

    Student; I see that you guys are grapplers. Do you have any secret techniques and could you show them to me?

    Me; We do have secret techniques, one is called the "stink thumb," come here I'll show you.


    Student; Is there anyway to get good quick?

    Me; Yes, practice often, practice smart, and practice hard, in other words sweat equity.

    Student; uhh is there any other way?





    Aaron Fields
    Seattle Jujutsu Club, Hatake Dojo
    www.seattle-jujutsu.org

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Colchester,Essex, UK
    Posts
    881
    Likes (received)
    1

    Default

    Student: "Yes, I hear what you say (blah blah) but what if I tried this technique ?"

    Teacher: Nothing spoken , just demonstrates technique again

    Student: "yes, but....."

    Answers on a postcard please......
    Trevor Gilbert
    ("If I had to select one quality, one personal characteristic that I regard as being most highly correlated with success, whatever the field, I would pick the trait of persistence. Determination. The will to endure to the end, to get knocked down seventy times and get up off the floor saying "Here goes number seventy-one" - Richard M. DeVos)

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jul 2000
    Location
    Chicago, IL
    Posts
    550
    Likes (received)
    2

    Default

    New guy: How much is it to train here?

    Instructor: Member dues are $80 a month for as many classes as you want to attend.

    New guy: OK. But how much would it be for me?

    Instructor: $80 a month.

    New guy: No really, like could I pay, say, $30 a month?

    Instructor: No. Everyone pays the same amount.

    New guy: C'mon, can't you give me a break?

    Instructor: Sigh... Sorry, no.
    Robert Cronin

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Sep 2000
    Location
    West Midlands, UK
    Posts
    2,054
    Likes (received)
    2

    Default

    Teen Muppet: So you teach samurai sword?

    Me: Er.... yes.

    TM: Do you, like, cut each other up?

    Me: Yes - we start with the beginners. Want to join us?

    TM: Er...
    Scott Halls
    Hyoho Niten Ichi Ryu Kenjutsu - Muso Jikiden Eishin Ryu Iai
    兵法二天一流剣術 - 無双直伝英信流居合

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    The Old Dominion
    Posts
    1,590
    Likes (received)
    3

    Default

    Prospective Student: Do you teach techniques for reverse-bladed swords?

    Instructor: Leave. Now.

    Prospective Student: Do you teach techniques for channeling chi blasts through the sword like the real ninja did?

    Instructor: Do you think if I could you would still be standing here?
    David Sims

    "Cuius testiculos habes, habeas cardia et cerebellum." - Terry Pratchet

    My opinion is, in all likelihood, worth exactly what you are paying for it.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Northeast UK
    Posts
    27
    Likes (received)
    0

    Default

    Real conversation 2 weeks ago with a band of Greek Cypriot students.

    "Ju-Jitsu... is that like Kung Fu?"
    "Not really. There isn't a KF school at the University, though I know of one outside and I might be able to locate others if you like..."
    "But we'd like to do KF..."
    "Yeah... but there's no school here. I can help you find one."
    "Hmm. we'd really like to do KF... what do you teach?"
    "Ju-Jitsu..."
    "Is that like KF? We'd really like to do KF..."

    This went on for a while. The lads then left.
    To my surprise they turned up at the next class and are really, really talented despite never training before. Hopefully we'll see them tonight...
    Martin J Dougherty
    Able to type my own name... on a good day.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Northeast UK
    Posts
    27
    Likes (received)
    0

    Default

    (Demonstration of Winding head-hip throw from stick attack)
    "Is this like boxercise?"

    (Fencing class demonstration)
    "So, is there a regulation weapon or do you just bring your own?"

    In general:
    "Can you get a black belt in this?" (I was wearing one...)

    "Can you turn round and hit three people?" (huh?)

    One of my favourites came from an opionatied female student who didn't approve of me. My training partner Rachel can be charmingly clumsy at times and accidentally kicked me in the ribs hard enough to hurt her foot. She was limping a little and Opinion Woman noticed: "Martin, you're far too rough with her!"


    Some nice comebacks:

    A visitor who thinks he's clever:
    "What would you do about this:" (bounces around in a series of strange postures)
    "Well, assuming I failed to avoid, evade, defuse, deter, loophole, de-escalate, temporise, withdraw, or disengage, I'd knock you the **** out."
    "Oh."

    Same Guy:
    "I could come in with a flying kick from here..."
    "Try. Please."

    "What would you do if I hit you over the head with a bat from behind?"
    "Nothing. I'd be unconscious or maybe in a coma."

    "You could have got an arm bar from there."
    "I can get an arm bar from ANYWHERE, pal."

    "Do you have any gold medals?"
    "No, I usually just take ears as trophies."
    Martin J Dougherty
    Able to type my own name... on a good day.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    great britain
    Posts
    175
    Likes (received)
    0

    Default

    hehe, these all rock. mines not as good, but real
    demonstrating iwanami (mjer eishin set no.6)
    teacher ''...so, you place your hand at the side of the knee - like this - stamp once to get attention, and drive through to tsuki under the ribcage. dont let the left hand go too far down the blade, and dont leave it at the end so it goes into him. it should stay here...''
    student ''where does the hand have to go?''
    deborah elizabeth bell
    see spells deb- aint my mum clever

  11. #11
    Join Date
    May 2000
    Location
    NYC, NY, USA
    Posts
    341
    Likes (received)
    0

    Talking My favorite 'stupid' questions...

    Greetings,

    First question and background:

    While teaching a technique, against a specific type of attack, the 'brain surgeon' says: " I understand what you are doing, but what if I did this instead (while mimicing a different attack)?" The response is: "... then you would not be learning this technique!"

    Second question:

    After attending two basic classes, the 'brain surgeon' says: "Oh, I really love what you are doing, could I pay for all the classes necessary for my Black Belt, NOW?"

    Third question:

    The 'brain surgeon' says: "I understand your school is totally non-profit, but are you as good as the school my friend goes too, who pays (fill in the blank) dollars a month?"

    Fourth Question:

    The 'brain surgeon' says: "I learn real quick and I committed to join the military immediately after graduation, so can I get my Black Belt before my service starts?" The response was: "...aren't you a little large for 3rd grade?"

    Fifth Question:

    The 'brain suregon' says: "I know you teach a mix of Karate, Judo and Aikido, but can I only do the kicking and punching stuff, as I am not 'into' falling and stuff?"

    Tons of fun.

    Regards,
    TommyK
    Tom Militello
    "You can't hide on the mats." Terry Dobson sensei.

  12. #12
    Join Date
    May 2000
    Location
    Washington State, USA
    Posts
    3,324
    Likes (received)
    48

    Default

    Long ago, Neil took Joe to see a local Super Soke in action. Afterwards, Super Soke said: "What do you think?"

    Being younger and more naive, I thought one was supposed to speak truth in martial art contexts. (Or, at least as much truth as one would use in a work or family setting.) So, I said, "It was okay. Practice a bit, and you could probably do okay at the color belt kids division at an Al Tracy karate tournament. Your guys, though -- are the eyes and toes supposed to wander like that? Al always said that was bad." (For those of you who are not from the West Coast, Al Tracy was the head of a major franchise of Kenpo Karate.)

    Lesson shere? There are two.

    1. People asking questions usually don't want an honest answer.

    2. If you don't want an honest answer, don't ask for an opinion unless you are sure the person you're pushing for the answer has been coached into the appropriate response.

    ***

    Second stupid question.

    Kregg took Joe to see a promotion tournament. Joe wasn't getting promoted, so Joe strolled in late. (I'd been getting a professional massage. My recommendation? Always take the massage over promotion tournaments.)

    As I strolled in, Soke was talking about the power of his Ki.

    I guess I didn't look suitably impressed. So, Soke said, "Come up here. Hit me."

    So I did. FWIW, I used the punch/step/elbow combination taught in Geki Sai Dai Ichi, a fundamental (e.g., basic) Goju Ryu kata.

    And of course he fell down, his eyes rolling in the back of his head. People do that when they are elbowed in the head, you know. And, when his guys came back from carrying him off to his car, they told me I could go sit down. So I did, and nobody asked me to come up front again, for the rest of the afternoon.

    Lessons here? There are a couple.

    1. Don't invite people to punch at you that you don't know, and with whom you haven't rehearsed.

    2. Bet Elbow-to-Head over Ki.
    Last edited by Joseph Svinth; 13th October 2006 at 04:12.

  13. #13
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    Melbourne, Australia
    Posts
    260
    Likes (received)
    0

    Default

    With a year 8 student who hade been learning kendo for an entire semester, wore bogu, hakama + kendogi, and had watched the NHK doco on the 8 dan grading ("currently some 3 million people practice kendo in Japan..."), as well as being shown innumerable pics, magazines and websites relating to kendo.

    Student: "So, sir, do you like, is kendo like, you know, real? Do you, like, do this outside (school)?"

    Me: "Or... did I make this up just to torture you? Are you sure you didn't qualify for an integration aide?"

    b

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Manchester, UK
    Posts
    428
    Likes (received)
    2

    Default

    My leaflet.... "Over 16's only. We are a martial arts club not babysitters"
    Woman: "I saw your leaflet. Can my son join?"
    Me: "How old is he?"
    Woman: "three"
    Me: "Then no, there's a Taekwondo club nearby that would probably take him"
    Woman: "But he really wants to do Karate"
    Me: "Well he can, in 13 years"
    Woman: "Ok I'll come back then"

    I demonstrate a Kizami Tzuki.....
    Taekwondo green belt: "A jab is too obvious. You need to take them by surprise with a technique that's not telegraphed.
    Me: "Like what?"
    Taekwondo Green Belt: "Like a jumping spinning back kick"
    Me: "So you think you can do one of those before I jab you?"
    TGB: "Yep"
    Me: "Shall we try?"
    TGB: "Erm, no that's ok"

    My other favourites:

    "Have you ever had to use it?"

    "So can you break bricks?"

    But the alltime best one.....

    "So if you're a black belt, who would win in a fight between Steven Seagal and Bruce Lee"

    ????!!!!!!
    Simon Keegan 4th Dan
    www.bushinkai.org.uk

  15. #15
    Join Date
    May 2000
    Location
    Boston, MA USA
    Posts
    705
    Likes (received)
    0

    Default My favorite

    From a couple of years ago, one fellow, upon seeing my (of Taiwanese descent) training partner who joins class so that we can train after:

    Guy- Is he the teacher?
    me- no, why?
    guy- because he is very good
    me- he's stretching-out
    guy- I can tell that he is the senior here
    me- ah yes, well... okay... he's only been training for (at that point) about 4 years...
    guy- so he must be good if you've been at it for 15... when did you become his student?
    me- well, class is starting, so I have to go...

    We have since agreed that if it comes-up again, he will speak some combination of Taiwanese and Japanese and I will pretend to translate .

    Be well,
    Jigme
    Jigme Chobang Daniels
    aoikoyamakan at gmail dot com

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •